starfish, I would kick back and take a few days off from your husband. He knows he lied and unless he comes to you with a plan to make this right in the very near future, there is nothing here to save. You gave him a chance and so far has failed. The ball is in his court!

If you can, do this. While he's lying it doesn't matter what he does.

star--

Plan B is often used in conjunction with Plan D, too. I think if you decide on Plan D in the future, you should still read up on Plan B.

Star, in addition to all the other good advice you've received I would like to add one thing. I wouldn't be texting him thought provoking questions that may make him realize you have him on GPS. If I were him, you asking if I was at so and so's house (and I actually am or have been) would red flag me that something is up. Be careful here. You don't want to inadvertently disclose your intel sources.

I'm not saying anything more to him tonight.

I did talk to our MC counselor today to let her know that I wouldn't be coming or working on our marriage until he comes clean and tells the truth. I know you all don't agree, but I changed my mind and decided to go so we could discuss the polygraph and she said she would try to get him to come clean and let him know that we can't move forward until he does.

I'm now thinking I don't want to go. Jacka$& can't even respond! I will not LB right now!!!

Should I go as planned or just be a no show?

Starfish, you are understandable pissed. Just think about how much worse it would be if you had started recovery and then found out you were actually in a false recovery. This is the reason that you need to keep that bar HIGH.

Don't think about where he is tonight. I know it's hard. Plan A is done when there is a unrepentant spouse and/or an active A. Part of PLan A is to prepare for Plan B. I know you are angry right now, but that anger won't last forever. Your taker is ANGRY as all get out. Keep her happy. Take a break from him and take care of yourself.

I just want to remind you to keep your own boundaries extra HIGH right now. You are at your highest risk of having a affair after you have discovered your WS has had one. Just be careful.

Take care of yourself. Try to eat. Try to sleep. Don't try to contact him. He needs to chase YOU.

I'd say that the way you are feeling right now, you are more likely to LB rather than anything. And what is there to discuss? He lied, he was caught, and he is still lying. He knows you want to truth FIRST. Ball's in his court.

So, should I just not show? We are supposed to meet there at 10am?

I would just not show. Expect him to be angry, but right now, it's more important for you to be safe, emotionally.

Like Mel said, I would go dark for the weekend at least. And don't text him anymore...period. Yeah, I would be a no show. He's only going to appease you, not to sincerely fix this, so bow out. He's not serious about this, so show him YOU are.

You're chasing him right now, and he knows it. Scotty is right. You continually initiating contact with him reaffirms his beliefs that he has the upper hand. Eliminate that and let him come after you.

You're making this way too easy for him right now. Time to tighten up.

This is really the first that I have contacted him today. He is the one that was emailing me all day. He actually came by our house at lunch (thank God I saw that on GPS, because I took all my stuff and left for a bit).

I have decided that I won't go tomorrow. I know he will come by the house to check on me if I don't show or answer his emails/text messages.

Star. I think you have accomplished more in one single day than any BS in history.

Let the chips fall and see what happens.

You have done great.

I also noticed that he called the polygraph office today and spoke with the polygrapher for 9 minutes.

Thank you do much for the compliment! I have no idea how I did it all!!!

My heart is COMPLETELY SHATTERED!!! I never in a million years thought that something like this could happen to me, us or our marriage. I realize that I'm not the only one who feels this way, because you all have experienced this too! I'm just sharing...

I love him with all of my heart and I'm mad at myself for it too! I know you all can tell I want my marriage to work. I just don't know what else I can do... All of my friends are calling me, texting me. My mom and sister check on me and are always here for me. I asked my mom to stop sweet talking my WH tonight. The only thing I want her to tell him is that he needs to tell me the truth! I'm so sick of all of this!!!

Good, keep it that way except for the asking him about where he is to see if he is lying. Go a little dark for now. This is for you Star...you need a break!

SF, what your husband wants is to sweep this all under the rug by insisting he told the truth. If you allow that to happen, you will never get the truth. I don't believe for a minute he was truthful and that was evidenced by his behavior. He just decided he would take his chances and if he failed, insist that he is the "innocent 5%." Sorry, I just don't buy it.

My suggestion would be to back off and put the ball in his court. Let him know when he calls that this is very serious and you can't move forward until you have the truth. Keep this issue on the front burner until it is resolved.

One reason he might be holding out is because there is a current affair going on OR he is trying to protect the OW. I don't know why, but it is pretty clear he is protecting something or someone.

ITA with everything ML said.

I agree with you ML! What if he comes by our house tomorrow? Should I leave for awhile, so I don't see him?

I would tell him straight up that this will never work until he comes clean. As long as he chooses to lie he is choosing to end the marriage. Emphasize that your marriage can survive his affairs, but it can't survive his lies. You need to let him know you don't believe him and that you are serious about not staying in a marriage that is based on lies and deceit.

If he doesn't come clean, starfish, I would prepare to go into a very dark Plan B. [write him a love letter giving him your conditions for return and ask him not to contact you until he meets your conditions] I don't see how you have much choice at this point. You have no hope of saving your marriage as long as he lies so you have nothing to lose except alot of grief as he continues to lie.

His trickle truth games will drive you into a nervous breakdown soon enough, so if he doesn't come clean in a week or so, I would go into Plan B. You have already been through hell and much more of this is just going to drag you down further.

And your MIL is being silly by insisting you give a habitual liar the benefit of the doubt. That is insane.