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Gamma, before I go:

Married 1983.

1 1987 1x 1 guy looking for promotion
2 1989-90 4x 1 guy looking for promotion
3 1991 1guy 1x 'best friend' -ended after one "mistake"- but also my boss
4 1991 1 guy 1x looking for new job
5 1982 3 guys - H in Korea, mother bi polar and living w me ex boss, sure H was getting "happy endings", spinning out of control depressed and stressed w home)
6 1985 1 looking for promo 1 guy 8x
7 1987 1 looking for promo/protection 1 guy, boss, thru 2004 (this was a 'best friend' - I dunno, maybe once ever other month at best? I wasn't 'in love', but apparently he was?)

Shall I sugar-coat it? Why? at this point? You guys get to look at the stark facts of how a POS like me looked at things.

OK, so I have served the purpose of showing the business prostitute mentality. At least for that, I may shave some of the guilt from my burdens.

Last edited by Restarting; 03/26/12 07:52 PM.

Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
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I would come home after this crap, filled with remorse, feeling like I was "doing for my family" cuz it was such a hard industry for women - and try to touch my H, and convey that I regretted without telling him, and that it was HIM I loved, and to silently beg for forgiveness from him and God.

I mean that quite literally. I would reach over and touch him as he slept, and hope my thoughts would move into him somehow.

I'm not saying it did the trick. I'm just saying that within the context, I tried to not be as awful as I felt.

Last edited by Restarting; 03/26/12 07:47 PM.

Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
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Where do you live that you felt you had to prostitute yourself? Woman are stronger than ever and are running huge organuzation without doing that, As a woman working my enitire life I am saddened how you thought to get ahead. I have worked for it and I may not be a VP, but I am proud of my efforts.

Look, I know it was a long time ago, I am sorry you are back here again. The pain and hurt are still the same....


Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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I am 54 and have worked my way up the corporate ladder in 2 Fortune 500 companies. Sleeping with coworkers doesn't gain one anything except a ruined reputation and a pink slip.

I would like to know the "industry" where it pays to sleep with men? Are you talking about the prostitution industry? Because that does work out here in corporate America.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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retail auto sales/management.

It's a whorehouse.

Last edited by Restarting; 03/26/12 08:08 PM.

Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
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Quote
Where do you live that you felt you had to prostitute yourself? Woman are stronger than ever and are running huge organuzation without doing that,
If I knew then what I know now....

I would hove protected myself and not done these things.

Do you really want me to sugar coat the truth, or tell you as it was (or how I saw it at the time?)

Or perhaps I could LIE. How's that gonna help?


Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
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Restarting,

Do you understand that your guilt and shame are not something your BH can use to recover with? What have you done for him?

I didn't recover my marriage until I learned to look at our relationship from my W's perspective.

God Bless
Gamma

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And QUIT assuming you were me!

I was a rather innocent young woman who read all the feminist BC about how women could be just like men and succeed. I thought being in the "boys club" would escalate my career. It DID. At tremendous cost.

Last edited by Restarting; 03/26/12 08:22 PM.

Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
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Posts: 717
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Gamma?

What are you suggesting? What Have I left undone for my BH?

I made a thorough confession.

What must I do?

( aw, wait a minute, have you guys thought about the fact that I've been 'clean' for 8 years and I'M THE ONE WHO GOT CHEATED ON????)

AGAIN?


Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Restarting,

What Have I left undone for my BH?

I sense, perhaps I'm wrong, that you never asked him what he wanted you to do.

God Bless
Gamma

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Except for participating in providing vicarious entertainment values in discussions on "drunk/sober", multiple PAs by the current BW, and the utility of using sexual activity to spur career advancement in various industries, you still haven't provided any evidence that you can answer the salient question I posed much earlier today:

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

I would abandon any hope, given the distractions that have arisen here, that you will find the mental/emotional energy to figure that out anytime soon, but I would respectfully ask that you give it some thought.

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Originally Posted by Restarting
Gamma?

What are you suggesting? What Have I left undone for my BH?

I made a thorough confession.

What must I do?

( aw, wait a minute, have you guys thought about the fact that I've been 'clean' for 8 years and I'M THE ONE WHO GOT CHEATED ON????)

AGAIN?

Let me preface this by saying that it was you who claimed to want to be completely honest with the board. I respect that...I sincerely do.

One question:

Are you drinking right now?

Since your intent is to be honest, I would like an honest answer.



Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Restating, what a difference a few hours makes, eh?

I'm sure that you have that the MB you were experiencing when you were here before is gone, thank goodness.

We do not coddle those who come here. We aren't going to give you a pat on the back unless you deserve one.

NOT ONE OF US HERE BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE CHEATED ON, THAT'S YOU TALKING. THink about that for a second. Look back at all of these posts and point out where any poster suggested that YOU deserved it.

Instead, what you will find is that people are trying to show you where YOU need to improve.

Alcoholism runs in my family, and guess what I did after DDay? I didn't turn to alcohol. I intentionally made the effort to NOT bury my feelings behind a crutch. My children deserved a mother who, while broken, didn't fall into a complete downward spiral. I still haven't had a drink, and it's been 2+ years, and I didn't really drink before anyways. Maybe a few drinks a YEAR.

Your alcohol problem needs to be dealt with BEFORE you can work on your marriage. Your WH's drinking would need to be taken care of before your marriage recovery could even begin.

You also need to make amends for YOUR affairs. Have your affairs ever been exposed to anyone other than your WBH?

Your WH surfing porn was also a HUGE red flag. And the escort pages. WOW.

You can learn a lot from this forum, but getting help for your alcohol addiction needs to happen FIRST.

Are your children your WH's?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Both my children are his.

I aborted 2, after we married, much to my chagrin.

I am not enjoying being a WS (formerly).

I am getting struck again and again.

Is this board condemning me for drinking alcohol?

Is this a tea-totaling site?

My God. Have we gotten to were one cannot understand a life-challenging event? It's like telling the truth is a curse!

Are you really gonna curse me for being truthful?

I remember watching Dr Manny on Fox say Dr's are trained to double what patients confess. Well, no doubling needed, I'm truthful.


Last edited by Restarting; 03/26/12 09:26 PM.

Restarting
me: FWS/BS, 46 ~ 8w7
him: FBS/WS, 45 ~ 2w3(probably)
M-24y 0329, DDay: Sep 8 2004-2:10p
Last C: 3/25/04 - (that I know of....)UPDATED: 6/4/05 - saw her at jail when she got out, & she called again --- H was asked to leave
6/25/05 - H moves back and recovery begins
3/06 - DD2 - I confess all to H; true recovery begins
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To me, it sounds like a lot of excuses to keep drinking. Will that get you where you want in life? Or are you ready for a change?



A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Did any of us condemn you for telling the truth? No. Stop throwing yourself a pity part over how you feel you are being treated. We aren't doing this to you, it's the way you are reading the posts.

You have some of the biggest assets on this board posting to you. There are new posters who would be HAPPY to have 2 of these people taking time out of their lives to post to them. We aren't going to tell you what you want to hear, we will tell you what you need to hear.

Can you explain why you admitted to having a drinking problem in the past and now claiming that you don't?

It's not easy to stick around and work the plans, but it is very rewarding. Your choice, as everything else in your life. Remember, it's never too late to do the right thing.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Sep 2011
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Originally Posted by Restarting
I am getting struck again and again.
If this is the case then you need to get the hell out of there and seek help. Nobody deserves this.

Quote
Is this board condemning me for drinking alcohol?
Is this a tea-totaling site?
Well, it seems to be quite the catalyst in your life for bad decisions and bad results. What do you think? It seems to me you are confusing criticism with enlightenment.

Quote
My God. Have we gotten to were one cannot understand a life-challenging event? It's like telling the truth is a curse!

Are you really gonna curse me for being truthful?
Has anyone here cursed you for telling the truth? Yep, you are going through a difficult time, and people here are willing to help, but there is obviously a larger underlying issue that must be addressed first. Alcohol.

I notice you didn't answer my very simple, but very direct question.

You are in denial of the the real problems with you. At this point, IMO, this transcends your marriage, infidelity, etc., etc.

You have a personal problem that must be addressed NOW. You are wasting your time trying to fix a relationship when you don't even have the brass to fix yourself first. You need some help, and need it now. If he is being abusive to you, then get the hell out and seek the help you need. No excuse for this.

You need to realize though, until you eliminate booze from your lifestyle, you will open the door for this to happen again.

Bet on it.

Is this really the way you want to spend the rest of your life?





Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted by Restarting
Is this board condemning me for drinking alcohol?

Pointing out that you have an obvious drinking problem is not "condemning" you. You have a drinking problem and need to get help. You need more help than this board can offer.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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sounds more like you cursing the posters trying to help you for being truthful.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
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Restarting, are you going to curse me for being truthful?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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