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We are going to use Skype, which is a relatively new and good thing for her. She really seemed to enjoy that on my last overseas trip. I'm also going to send her love letters and that kind of stuff.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. There is a church there that I plan to get involved with and I'll be working 12-16 hour days so I don't think I'll be tempted into anything bad. I'm just hoping that I can handle it emotionally and not let the past eat away at my soul.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Does journaling help you?
You can still come here and vent and support?
Is there something you can POJA with her, on what she can do for you to work towards recovery while you're away?
Could you swing some sessions with Steve Harley?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We talked about it some last night. I think if she responds to some of my letters and sends me pictures and continues to make me feel safe I will feel much better.
She keeps talking about having another child, so today I told her that if she continues to treat our marriage and family like gold that we could talk seriously about it after I got back, but not until then.
She did say her no. 1 goal for her concerning our marriage was to restore my trust...actually made me feel good.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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You should get her to read Dr. H's new article it was written for her. How can Trust be Restored after an Affair It is excellent. Pulling for your marriage.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
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I emailed the radio show tonight. I can't take the lack of initiation anymore. It's eating me up inside and making it even harder to meet her needs. This has just been a really bad day.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 2,964
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IP,
The lack of initiation is a difficult one, as I can't get a straight answer on why from my W. I think if I caught my W masterbating I would divorce her. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one in the marriage sexually speaking.
Not being flip, but when was the last time your W initiated, in my case it was something like 17 years ago when I came back from a 1 month work trip.
I seriously think my W was always waiting for life to become perfect, and when I didn't deliver, she didn't deliver either. OM on the other hand had to do much less to be perfect, he didn't have to make money, or do housework, or take care of kids, and she didn't have to live with him.
God Bless
Gamma
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Ten years and never initiated by WW......ten years
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Internal_pain,
Did she stop initiating before OM1 began? It might help you to draw out a timeline for yourself. It really is almost like you've never had a marriage and you are creating one from zero which will take time.
Did she initiate before marriage, I ask that because with my W the initial phase of OM2 affair was before, but close to our marriage date. From the dates you have written it sounds like non-initiation began slightly before your wedding. Was your W involved with someone pre-marriage?
OM2 affair continued as an EA during my early marriage, likely sporatic, until she wanted to divorce me about a year into it, but I suspect she settled/committed to me when OM got married.
God Bless
Gamma
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She initiated while we were dating, but not after we got married. All the affairs started after my daughter was born according to the polygraph administrator. She says that is something she needs to work on.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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IP,
She says that is something she needs to work on.
Well you've got at least 2 things going for you then, she is working on her engine, and awhile back you wrote that you can start her with oral. Good God how I wished the oral trick worked with my W LOL, some women just seem to lack a self-starter!
God Bless
Gamma
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Yeah, things seem a lot better since the poly. I don't know if it was the fear of me finding out, hence not fully investing or the guilt, but she seems to have turned over a new leaf believing in Dr. H's principles. She even said herself the other day after working 3 days in a row that she was in bad need of having her EN's met. I told her "now you know how I feel.". Then I met her needs and she met mine. It was great.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Did you ever get a response from the Harleys?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230 |
No, not yet. Things are getting better though.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
No, not yet. Things are getting better though. I would email again. It takes me sometimes three tries to get a response or notify the MODS and they can send the request on.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,816
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Posts: 1,816 |
I saw this post & have emailed Dr Harley & Joyce..
Good Luck to you!
JustUss
Administrator/Moderator
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I saw this post & have emailed Dr Harley & Joyce..
Good Luck to you! Thanks JustUss!
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230 |
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Did you hear back from the Harleys?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230 |
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Can you ask the MODS one more time?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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