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Originally Posted by Krazy71
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Just believe you can point them to the light as you're walking away. Whether they use it or not is on the, but at least you're teaching them from your wisdom.

You are probably a much nicer person than I am. Frankly, once I done in the relationship, I don't care if she ever learns another thing. My involvement in her life is over.
I hear you about once you're done you're done. That my friend, is excellent boundaries.

Have you ever had an interview and not get the job? Wonder why I didn't get it?
Then have some feedback as to why you didn't get the job. When this happened to me I'm glad to know and am that much more wise.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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My initial question was supposed to be more general, and less about that one relationship. I was worried about boundaries becoming walls, I guess.

Answer: Walls are better than blobs of jelly. smile


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Originally Posted by Krazy71
My initial question was supposed to be more general, and less about that one relationship. I was worried about boundaries becoming walls, I guess.

A good boundary keeps out the bad, not the good.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Krazy71
My initial question was supposed to be more general, and less about that one relationship. I was worried about boundaries becoming walls, I guess.

Answer: Walls are better than blobs of jelly. smile
Well I definitely think to you're first question is that you're normal.

I'm curious how you think a boundary could be a wall? Boundaries are a good thing.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I agree that breaking it off was the good thing to do, and I also agree with ML's input. If I was interested in someone, I would certainly want to know their take on MB's principles, because quite frankly, if they differ there, I'm not interested.

Nothing wrong with your not feeling anything when you break up either...you know what you want, that's not it, end of it. You were able to put it in a little box, which women find a hard thing to do, we have emotions that get in the way and confuse/blur things sometimes, but most of the time, that is just something we have to deal with, quite honestly, I think men are lucky they don't have so much emotion.

I do NOT look at it as trying to fix a new car, however. No people are perfect, we all have learning to do, and a discussion about MBs is not fixing something that's broke, it's just learning, which is healthy. There is some free thinking out there that it's good and commendable to remain friends with exes...some of us have learned differently, but this is something we can share with others and help them understand the "why" not. I have learned the hard way. One "ex" kept making a play for me every now and then, it was inappropriate timing and NOT going to happen in my books, so better not to have remained friends at all. Another "ex" I actually enjoy him very much but there's no way in hell I'd want a relationship with him ever again and will not let it cross a line...but then I'm not looking to date or get married again and if life surprises me otherwise, this friendship would be history in short order. The same would be true if he were dating, but he's not...he's someone I like but he has too much baggage to ever reconsider him. As far as XHs go, I think it's important not to cast them in a bad light to your kids, but I don't think you need to get together for barbeques either. Once you're in a dating relationship with someone else, I don't think you should be confiding in an ex, and really, why would you, anyway!


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My best friend growing up had parents who divorced when he was really young. They did almost everything together but were divorced. It was weird but really cool for the kids becuase so much of their life was intertwined. The mom got remarried and the dad had a long term GF. Neither of those relationships lasted though.



Married in 2004
Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012

3 Kids with my wife
1 kid before I met my wife

Her EA 11/2011

I am in recovery for a sexual addiction
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That doesn't sound cool for the kids; it sounds heartbreaking. If the parents could have got along so well, why couldn't they have worked out their marriage? And do you think the kids must have been hoping for a reconciliation the whole time? The parents must have been giving them hope that this could happen. That must have been hard when it never did.


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Originally Posted by Krazy71
So...healthy, baggage, or neurotic?

My vote goes with weird!!! laugh


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I don't think I've ever heard of divorce as described as "cool", heart-wrenching is more like it!


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Phoenix, I hope you are just throwing this in here off-hand. I hope you don't view this situation as one you would be interested in emulating.
There are MUCH better situations than this smoke-and-mirrors scenario.
It's not good for kids to grow up thinking divorce is cool. This approach destroys their view of the sanctity and security of family; with this as a model, they are likely to promote it in their own lives and on-and-on it goes for generations. Other negatives follow in a crazy, unpredictable situations.

I have much higher hopes for you and your family, Twenty. Marriage is for real.

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G'day Krazy,

Originally Posted by Krazy71
I recently dumped a woman I'd been seeing for about 4 months because she had boundary issues, and my reaction followed this same pattern. Of course her boundary issues weren't going to be fixed any time soon, so I went straight to the "See ya" stage. I really cared about her, but in the span of a day or two I reached a point where breaking up with her was as emotionless as doing the dishes. I even faked a little emotion so she wouldn't feel worse than she already did.
Based on what you mentioned later in the thread, i.e. about her having her ex husband over for dinner, well..... I would throw her in the trash just like you did.

Good on ya!


Me: 36
FWW: 36
1 son born in Dec 2009 - confirmed mine through DNA test
1 daughter born in Nov 2010
Together: 13 years
Married: 10 years

PA/EA: January 2008 to July 2009
FWW left for OM: 01/28/2008
FWW returned for 9 days: 04/2008
FWW returned 05/21/2008

......
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you ever had an interview and not get the job? Wonder why I didn't get it?
Then have some feedback as to why you didn't get the job. When this happened to me I'm glad to know and am that much more wise.

But when you are interviewed and you aren't hired, they may or may not tell you why they aren't interested, but they certainly aren't going to try to train you if they haven't hired you. If they have hired and your performance suffers, then they will try to improve your performance with coaching.

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