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My wife of 8 years met a married guy at a friends party on New Year�s Eve where they had a kiss. The past months I�ve uncovered lie after lie to find out she is going to work for him, move in with him, and has left the marital home with me remaining with my 2 little kids. We do every other weekend and 2 days during the week. His wife has also since filed for divorce and has a child.
I feel like I�m living in a bad movie with the amount of secrets, lies, and cover ups. The worst thing about it is that she�s putting it all on me for my lack of attention, selfishness, etc. and that she�s been �pouring her heart into this marriage for years�. I finally realized this is not on me and I filed for divorce last month. I am fighting a possible losing battle for my kids to keep them safe, shielded, and have some sense of normalcy as she tries to move them 100 miles from their home so she can find happiness in her new life.
She moved out last month and last weekend was the first weekend that my kids went to "mommy's house" for the weekend. I was very concerned about the other man being around my kids as they are young and am sure all of this is confusing to them. Out of respect, I specifically asked her to not bring him around me for the drop off and pick up and she said she would be alone all weekend with the kids out of respect for them.
Well I picked up my kids and my son was holding a dollar bill; I asked where he got the money and he said "other guy's name". My older one said he played with them all weekend and spent the night. I asked who he was and was told by my child "mommy's boss and her friend". I was told that he slept on the floor in the living room (with mommy) and my oldest child woke up in the middle of the night and mommy went and slept in the bed with my children.
She of course denied that he spent the night and only came over for a short period of time to meet the kids; she wants to "slowly transition" him to be around them. I think she's completely lying but even still, I do not feel this is healthy since it is only 3 months into all of this! Trying to legally block it from happening again but not a whole lot I can do; she's in fantasy land and sees no issues with this.
For the mom's, is it just me or is being around another man at this point messed up and completely wrong?!
I still find myself obsessing over how long they could possibly last and have been researching statistics on relationships born out of affairs; especially under these circumstances. I haven't been able to let this go and have no interest in taking her back, so hate this "revenge" piece that I wish to see. If anyone has any comments or support on this, it would make me feel better, for today at least.
You need to expose this OM to everyone in his life that matters, his work, his clients/customers/profession his church, his parents/grandparents/siblings. This guy is a danger to your children and is destroying your family. Don't warn or threaten just do it quickly and completely.
The statistics on molestation/abuse by stepparents are not pleasant either.
The first thing I would do is talk to the OM's wife. She may be your best ally in this fight. She may not even know about this, nevermind not have already filed for divorce. Waywards lie. Do not believe a word from your WW's mouth right now.
Talk to OM's wife. Find out what she knows. See if she will help you put an end to this affair.
Talk to OM's wife first and report your findings back here.
Actually I did that before I even found you guys here. I did this in late Feb and she had no idea. She sounded scared as he is a control freak and even though she was very appreciative that I told her, she said it is probably best if we don't talk any more. My attorney said it was probably best as he didn't advise in the first place, didn't matter to me. The other man called me the next day pissed off, but I'm like F-U, you're messing around with my wife and lying to your own!
Not interested in messing with him or his life as this is on my wife, not him. Just want to shake her out of her craziness so she gets her head out of her [censored] and does what is right for her kids; no interest in getting back with her. Way too much damage and disrespect has taken place.
You did the right thing, the OMW needed to know. THe next thing to do is expose to anyone that matters to him that can influence him to end the affair--
work, family, etc.
Hurrah to you for NOT BACKING DOWN when OM called you!
Your lawyer is really not going to be much help in busting up the affair.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
Melo, does this rat have a facebook page? What does he do for a living? Your best weapon against this guy is to expose the affair wide and far to his family and friends. That will ruin the affair for your wife because she will not be able to show her face within his family. It will also force the OMW to take a stand [hopefully] if she has others to support her.
That is where I think your best weapons lie. Affairs thrive on exposure, so doing the best possible exposure will have the greatest impact on the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Not interested in messing with him or his life as this is on my wife, not him.
The part where he is destroying your childrens family however is on him, and for that reason alone you have to take him down. OM knew your W had children and chose to ignore that fact at his own peril.
That OM chooses to pretend he is a surrogate father is even more sickening, and is teaching your children a horrible lesson.
Not interested in messing with him or his life as this is on my wife, not him.
Screw that. This scumbag is coming around your kids and banging your wife. Make his life a living hell. Make this affair very unpleasant for the both of them. You do that through EXPOSURE. You expose to everyone and you can be sure WW and OM have not told anyone the truth. They are liars.
Yes, you have the right to divorce. But your kids will be better off if you saved the marriage with the Marriage Builders program. And believe it or not, you'll be better off too.
Divorce is expensive. Divorce is bad for the kids. Divorce sucks.
You should at least try to save your marriage. If you fail, what have you lost, a few months of hard work? If you succeed, you will have saved your children from growing up in a broken family.
You'll be a hero.
Last edited by TryingEverything; 04/02/1204:31 PM.
Melo, in order to kill this affair, you need to raise hell with that rat. OM are cowards and worms who can be easily run off. They don't like the trouble. You should not only expose to his family and friends, but he should hear from you directly. Call his wife and stay in contact with her.
Send exposure letters out to all his facebook contacts, call his parents, raise hell in this guys life and run him off!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
But if you do FB exposure allow 1 minute between messages or you will be stopped from messaging for a while.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
Not interested in messing with him or his life as this is on my wife, not him.
Are you kidding me??? What, has your WW got him tied up in the basement or something???
One of your goals in killing this affair is to make his life on earth a miserable Hell! This man-ho is around your children, Melo!
You need to expose this affair to every person you know who can help you put pressure on these two to end their affair.
Does man-ho have a Facebook page? You need to copy all of his friends into a Word.doc. This is will valuable to you when you expose the affair. You read that right, Melo: Not IF you expose, but WHEN you expose. Because your chances of getting your WW back are pretty slim unless you do.
HE'S BRIBING YOUR CHILDREN, MAN.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
Actually I did that before I even found you guys here. I did this in late Feb and she had no idea. She sounded scared as he is a control freak and even though she was very appreciative that I told her, she said it is probably best if we don't talk any more. My attorney said it was probably best as he didn't advise in the first place, didn't matter to me. The other man called me the next day pissed off, but I'm like F-U, you're messing around with my wife and lying to your own!
OM BW needs to know that your WW has moved out of your home and is planning on moving OM in. It is possible that OM BW may still have no idea what is actually going on here. She sounded in denial and is probably being gaslighted by WH.
Originally Posted by Melo12
Not interested in messing with him or his life as this is on my wife, not him.
You are playing right into your WW plans. She has it all worked out. She moved out and will tell everyone that the marriage was over but has since met a great new man who came to her aid. She will tell everyone what a nice man he is and how he has stepped in to help her. Your WW's friends and family will welcome OM into their lives and homes because he was her saviour.
You are basically letting her get away with this because you don't want to mess with him.
Originally Posted by Melo12
Just want to shake her out of her craziness so she gets her head out of her [censored] and does what is right for her kids; no interest in getting back with her. Way too much damage and disrespect has taken place.
She will not do what is right for her kids. You can already see this. Whether you want to save your marriage or not...you still need to expose this OM for the homewrecker that he is. That is how you shake your WW out of her craziness. You burst the fantasy bubble that she is hiding under.
Please do not let your kids think that what is happening to them is normal or ok. OM is breaking up their family and they deserve to know truth about their own life. When they get older, they will be shocked that you hid the truth from them and let them think that OM was their friend.
I'm sorry this happening to you.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
His wife has also since filed for divorce and has a child.
You might want to look into this losers background, he may have a string of failed marriages, each produces one child for him and then he abandons them. However for the rest of your childrens life they will be tied to this user through the blood of their half-sibling. Don't let your family become another hit and run casualty of this creep.
Now I'm all messed up; my kids are young and I don't want to screw them up or pit them against me, which is a concern my IC said to me. All of my friends and family know and honestly she only has two/three friends and one is slowly back to being her friend again even though she doesn't support what she did. Friday, I emailed her brothers and they have not replied. Her parents know the truth but just want to help with the kids; they are upset but I think they feel they need to stand by their daughter - its kind of odd but this is new to me.
He owns a business and she was a stay at home mom; now she is working for him. I am one of the few who decided not to join Facebook, so can't get on there to friend him or whatever to get his contacts. However, I do agree with pokerface's last post; she's already re-written our whole marriage to anyone who will listen, saying it is all on me.
I could reengage conversations with his wife, but for what purpose? To see if she will expose him on her side? I got the feeling she thinks I'm just out for revenge when at this point I don't give a [censored] about them, I just don't want my kids screwed up and in the middle of their "happy new life".
He owns a business and she was a stay at home mom; now she is working for him. I am one of the few who decided not to join Facebook, so can't get on there to friend him or whatever to get his contacts. However, I do agree with pokerface's last post; she's already re-written our whole marriage to anyone who will listen, saying it is all on me.
What you would do is start up a facebook page, put up a photo of you and your wife with your children. Copy and paste all his facebook contacts into a WORD doc and save it. Go to the pages of all his facebook contacts and send them private messages. See templates in the thread in my link.
Also, you need to tell any children over age 4 about their mothers affair. If you don't, they will be screwed up because your wife will tell them lies. They will imagine the worse about you.
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I could reengage conversations with his wife, but for what purpose? To see if she will expose him on her side?
No, you need to expose on his side; don't leave that to her. The purpose of contacting her is to compare notes and help kill the affair. She can be your most valuable ally.
Your wife's affair will screw up your kids. But you can mitigate the damage if you sit them down and tell them the truth. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies and adultery. They need your moral guidance.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
