Melo, the only way you can screw your kids up is to allow this bullcrap to continue. The sooner you separate this POSOM from the situation, the better. You are being replaced, don't let it happen.

What kind of business?

Well then, now would be a pretty good time to join. After doing so, try and friend his wife. That would probably give you access to his friend's contact info if she hasn't de-friended him already. If she has (or he has), then there are other methods. Shoot, call her and ask. What could it hurt? Besides, you need to explain to her this isn't about revenge, but about doing right by your family and your children. I don't think there are too many women out there that wouldn't understand this and be willing to help.

WHO has told them WHAT? Did you tell them yourself about her affair? Or was she allowed to spin them with some "story?" Do they not care about their grandchildren either? It doesnt sound like they care much about their daughter if they are "standing by her" while she destroys her life and her children's life. And sure, some parents don't give a RIP about their kids. Is that the kind of people they are?

Melo,

Youre displaying some pretty standard resistance new BH tend to show when given advice. These moves you are being told to make are tested, proven and based on decades of research on 1000 of real couples experiences.

Some of it is opposite to what you may think is best but all of is required if you intend to save you wife and kids from this marauder. She is really under the spell of this guy. So much so she willing to destroy your children's young lives.

I would listen hard and do everything to the letter that you'll read here.

Whether you want her as your wife or not, ending this affair will help you make decisions like that with much more clarity.

Get the books written by the owner of this start which give data and reasoning for techniques used and advocated by veteran posters.

Stay focused.

Exposure is all about the words that you use. You ask for support in influencing the waywards to end their immoral behaviour which they are subjecting your children to. This is not vengeful...it is a father doing right by his kids. Can OM BW give you OM parents phone number so you can ask them to keep their son away from your wife and kids? They may not be so willing to welcome your WW into their family when they know the true story.

Here is a link to some sample exposure letters which can be tweaked for your own situationclick here

...last weekend was the first weekend that my kids went to "mommy's house" for the weekend.

The fight hasn't even started, and you've surrendered?

Under what set of agreements and controls does the cheater decide when the children get to visit her at her little "love-shack"?

Let's get THIS part straight right now - Last weekend was the LAST FRICKIN' WEEKEND your children leave your marital home (THEIR childhood home!) to go listen to Mommy play slap-and-tickle with her new boy-toy.

What the HELL were you thinking, when you agreed to that foolishness? Unless there's a court-order in place mandating it, when Skank-mommy shows up next weekend, don't be home!!!

Trying to legally block it from happening again but not a whole lot I can do; she's in fantasy land and sees no issues with this.

Who cares what she sees? She's a sex-addict right now, playing with her new drug of choice. She gets to make no decisions about your children's future - NONE!!!

If she wants to pursue visitation at her place, she'd better know that she and POSOM will be sub-poenad to testify at the hearing which will be held to determine what is in the children's best interest. Threaten to have the children testify as well, about how POSOM comes over to stay with Mommy.

Your job now is NOT to be understanding, but to be a junk-yard dog about their well-being.

MelodyLane - yes she told her parents as I was trying to "do the right thing" and let her tell them. I now know that is completely crazy sounding since if she told them half the lies she has told me, they are probably against me. When I approached her mom she said, "you mean the boyfriend" "yeah we have concerns about her working for him as she's putting all her eggs in one basket". She said they begged her to get counseling for years and won't listen to anyone's advice. So you can see its messed up; and I feel I'm fighting an uphill battle at this point.

This is all new and scarey for me so yes, I am resistant. Maybe I need to sleep on it; I'm all about strategy and doing things that are proven to be effective, just wish I would have found this site last month. Not saying it is too late, but feel they've already moved on at this point and I look like I'm reaching to try to get her back a few months after the fact; which really i do not want her. Does that make sense? Yes the kids being exposed to him is totally wrong and needs to stop now; I just have to follow the legal advice versus telling her she can't have the kids.

Hopefully you can see now that wasn't the "right thing" to do, right? You need their assistance in helping their daughter and helping you save your marriage. I would call them up and give them all the facts about the affair. Ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. People will usually help if they have any heart at all. Some parents truly don't give a crap and will make excuses like "we just want to her to be happy!" [which is a lie, they really don't care] But the story needs to come from you. YOU should be the one to call all of her family and ask for their support.

This, from your mother-in-law??? Did you remind her that she has grandchildren who will be affected by her daughter running around, putting her eggs in one basket??

That's what I am saying; her parents feel like they are helpless and can't control her. When I told her about the kids being around her boyfriend she was like "is there anything you can do legally"? I'm like what the ------ talk some damn sense into your daughter!! Her dad had affairs while married so I get the sense they either 1) accept it or 2) have no clue how to handle it. Ugh!

Melo12. They are moving on because they have had no resistance or pressure from anyone to stop. There has been no resistance because everyone has been deceived to believe that the relationship is legitimate.

I understand that you do not want her back at this point. Really I understand. But right now your mission is to kill this affair and save your kids from having this POSOM as their new Dad.

Are you working on your Facebook page?

Stop calling him her boyfriend. He is her adultery partner.

Have you exposed to OM parents? Mothers are very protective of their sons and I bet she will not like to hear that he is in an adulterous relationship and is the reason your wife moved out.

Melo, try and give them a clue. Give them all the facts about how the affair started and tell them she left to pursue her affair. Ask for their help. Ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. If not for your sake, for the sake of your children.

How old are your children?

...I get the sense they...have no clue how to handle it.

No surprise there, amigo. Most people do NOT know how to effectively fight a married woman's selfish, immature decision to abandon her family to pursue pleasure with another man. They don't, and obviously neither do you.

Fortunately you have landed here among the cadre of folks who are armed with that knowledge. Foolishly, you, as the tyro, want to invest more energy in debating, questioning, and cowering, than in listening, learning, and fighting.

Listen to what is being said here. You cannot "nice" your way back to your marriage. Her little snow-globe world involves what we call "cake-eating". She wants the mommy-strokes of having her kiddies occasionally, but not enough to interfere with here new erotic activities.

You job is to FIGHT, dammit! You expose, you trumpet to the heavens what she's been doing. You contest everything. You deny her access to the kids. If possible, you cancel the insurance on her car. You take her off your medical coverage. You do everything in hour power to upset her little scheme. You do not "understand"!

THAT IS WHAT YOU DO! And you do it because the folks that you have come to for help, who have been through your situation, tell you that it will work for you.

I've emailed her parents, brothers, and friends.

I'm not just sitting on my hands watching, there are legal things I cannot do. Like cancel insurance, withhold her access to the kids, etc. we both sat there with the attorney and she said she would not have him spend the night when the kids are there. I can't legally block her from having him around other times, so I'm not being nice - just don't want to screw myself long term in a custody fight.

I do appreciate the advice and support here, just trying to go about it the right way. The kids are both under 7.

Melo,

The only person I exposed to on the OM side was his mother! It killed the affair DEAD! The only problem was that I did it too late. If I would've done it when I should've things might of been different for my marriage.

Don't be scared to do it--learn from my mistake.

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on discussing telling the children even as young as 4

Dr.Harley's advice on telling the children
Infidelity the Lessons Children Learn By Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers

Is there a more effective way to contact OM mother? I tracked down an address so want to see if a letter is fine versus a phone call. Hoping that it is not too late as these two are moving on already; his wife filed for divorce one month ago as well, I confirmed this.

there are legal things I cannot do. Like cancel insurance, withhold her access to the kids...we both sat there with the attorney...

Yes you can. You haven't the guts to try. It doesn't matter if you sat before the legion of angels, none of that "nicey-nice" is valid until signed by a judge.

And your SWYFF is better at playing the game than you are, dude. She (let me stop laughing before continuing) "said she would not have him spend the night when the kids are there"? Here's a clue: She lied! And without the force and power of the courts behind the prohibition, she suffers no penalty for it.

(Why do the new BHs here all act so...honorable?)

Phone call. This gives you more credibility. I know you can find the number if you really try.

Let his mom know that your WW has abandoned your two young kids who are now heart broken and traumatized. Ask her to use her influence to get her son to stop subjecting your kids to his immoral behaviour with their mother.

Melo12. I would bet anything that OM parents have been gaslighted by this POS and therefore, think that their son is rescuing your poor wife. They probably think he is a knight in shining armor. Let them know the truth and hear the heartbreak in your voice.