What have you got to lose? You want to be able to look your kids in the eye and tell them that you did everything you could to stop this destruction and keep this POS out of their lives.

Is OM the owner of the company where your WW now works?

Call OM's mom today. It takes guts.

Calling OM's parents is one of the best things I did. His dad was like, "WHAT!!! I had no idea this was going on!" Later that week OM ended it with my WW, for a good few months anyway.

"Your son and my wife are having an affair. It's destroying my family. I have two kids. This affair is destroying his own family."

Yes, he owns a business and she "works" for him. this is good for me from an alimony perspective and shes out of the house (living with him) so I'm actually fortunate not to have to deal with her.

The kids are my only concern and I have them here; only interested in fighting for them. If he dumps her, no job and she moves back here. I'm trying to be smart about this and weigh my options; not even sure if it will blow everything up by contacting OM mother at this point.

Mel, Marital, Pep, etc. all encouraged me to contact OM's family and expose.

I would say that after OMs mother got the exposure lett -- and called me for a brief conversation to tell me my W was a slut and hoped she was in counseling and her dear boy would never intentionally hurt children or ruin a family blah, blah, blah...

I would say at that point the affair was either dead or atleast on the way to the morgue...

Expose.

Dude, your wife "working" for her OM is eerily too close for my comfort.

Been there, my friend. And, since my wife OM business was on autodrive and a big success for the early part of the A, there was nothing but unfettered time to co-mingle with my wife.

Get to work ending this thing.

You got a lot of things going on in your head. We get it. Sometimes we get a BH with a WW on here who are wicked deep in the 'fog' meaning nothing else matters to her but a deviant hell-bent on destroying as many innocents as possible.

You have done nothing to make this happen. You didnt drive her into the arms of this a-hole. She let this guy in and got hooked. As easy at that it can happen.

If you follow this plan, carpet bomb exposure first, then a strategy that will be laid out for you to regain this thing.

But, you need a plan. And a plan can only be created if you both follow the advice of people on here AND you read the material on this site and the books. The plan will include a recipe for recreating the romantic love you and she once had. HOWEVER, it doesnt start until you EXPOSE this affair to anyone and everyone who can help end it.

OK, there's some support for you.

Follow these up with a phone call.

The A happened 3 months ago and my wife moved out 1 month ago. It's almost too late as they have started their "new life" and I feel like the crazy husband out for revenge. Does that make sense? It seems like I would only do this if I wanted to R, which I do not.

I am not afraid to do it, but have to do what makes sense for me. I'm already getting the feeling that her family is getting fed up with me, I've had a few conversations with her parents and they just listen; don't respond or say anything and say they just want to help with the kids. Neither of her brothers or their wives responded to my email.

It's like all have moved on and accept this but me and I'm the bitter guy trying to get back at everyone.

Your situation sucks and I�m sorry you�re going through it. I would file a few things and to help yourself legally. First of all, what State do you live in? Is there an alienation of affection law?

Request that your lawyer file a motion restricting having the paramour (OM) around your children at all. Your lawyer works for you. File it.

Then file a motion for sole physical and legal custody. You won�t get it, but the objective here is to show your WW that she stands to lose a ton. 90% of the battle you�re in is psychological and a legal motion telling her that you�re ready to go to war will do much to wake her back into reality.

If you�re up for it, wear a sign that says, �the owner of this business is having an affair with my wife� and then walk back and forth in front of his business. Get a permit if you need to, but make his life hell.

Tell the OM�s parents. Exposure is critical to killing the affair. Your lawyer won�t agree with this, but if you wish to kill the affair then you must expose it. There is nothing more effective to killing affairs than exposure.

That should take care of you legally. The escalation will bring your WW back to you where she�ll try to reason with you in some way. Use the opportunity to Plan A. Tell her that you�re happy to discuss ways to save your marriage, but that you won�t discuss any legal matters since your lawyer handles all of that.

Team up with the OMW in terms of legal issues. The two of you together would make a powerful hammer against both of them and you can share intelligence in establishing the fact that they�re having an affair and that there is marital misconduct.

But the secret for you is to not be timid, not be fooled into believing that there is such a thing as an amicable divorce.

Finally, are you religious at all?

Just to be clear, I did expose to OM wife - almost immediately; she had no idea and filed for divorce from him the next day. I confirmed this. She appreciated that I told her but doesn't want any contact with me and asked that I don't reach out to her anymore, so I am not going to keep calling her.

Like I said, a month after they've moved in together and started their "new life" makes me feel desperate and revengeful and I'm just not seeing the purpose since I will not be R.

I'm in MI and do appreciate the legal advice. I will ask my lawyer about filing the restricting order; I asked this early on and was told it is hard to enforce, unless I want to hire a private investigator to check on them.

Yes on religion; the only thing outside of family/friends keeping me going.

Is your wife religious? What faith?

Melo12. I understand that you are done. You are justified in that decision. I still think that you need to expose to OM parents. They need to know what their son is doing to another family and they need to hear the TRUTH. I tell you that as a mother. I would want to know. It does not have to be vengeful.

Given that you are absolutely done, then you need to hire a pitbull attorney who will fight for your kids. Your legal guy does not seem to "get" or care what your kids are being subjected to and how confusing and traumatizing it is for them.

Many people on these boards have it written into the custody agreements that the kids are not allowed around affair partner. It may even be possible to limit visitations to WW for the day only with no overnights. Fight for full custody...that would be the best outcome for your kids. They need to be in a stable environment where they are not subjected to immoral behaviour. You are their rock and the only person they can rely on to look after their best interests.

Give up the dream of a friendly divorce...they are never friendly. Why would you even consider giving your WW a get out of jail free card? She is messing with your kids heads.

edited to add: Actually the best outcome for your kids would be a loving and happy home with your wife and you both in it. Are you sure you don't want to kill this affair and at least try to recover their family?

Melo,

I exposed to OM mother 3 months after I exposed to everyone else. I really thought the NC letter (Or lack thereof in my case) would cease the contact. It didn't!! When I found she had been in direct contact with him I filed for D and left--I was done.

The last thing I made sure I did was to protect my kids for the POS and I exposed to the one and only person on his side I needed to and that was his mother. It killed it dead!!!

Swiff now is in another relationship, but it isn't with the POS that destroyed my marriage---I still don't like it but I have to deal with it.

I always have been open to my D6 the entire time--everybody on the outside world told me she was too young but the folks here who truly know told me likewise (and they are right).. SWIFF has tried to manipulate her but she can't because my entire family stays firm with the truth when she asks....

Expose this slapdick---why do you really care how you look--it is in the best interest of your kids---the ones who will eventually thank-you!!!!!

BTW--my youngest will know when she turns 4 and begins to ask questions....I won't have to do a lot of talking because D6 will help with all the specifics!!!

I would have to agree.

While I know exposing to OMs employer and union got him fired from the jobsite and did damage to his, ahem, reputation in the business...

I believe it was when I exposed to his mommy that the affair truly did end.

As Marital or Melody said to me at the time, I believe: once the affair is exposed to OMs family, they'll be no family picnics or Thanksgiving invites....the family will want NOTHING to do with welcoming an AP into the fold. When the WW has no place to go.....maybe, they just go back home.

I have reached back out to OM wife and told her about OM being around my kids. She didn't want to talk to me but does have the same concerns. I'm trying to build some trust back with her as she felt I shared too much of what she previously told me for my own benefit. I wasn't sure what she meant but basically that I told my wife some things that she said about her husband that got back to her.

I feel it is helpful to talk with her and will respect her wishes. This may not help blow up the affair, but we can help each other as they both continue to deny and say they are just friends.

I did not think that I would be back as I needed to process what was going on versus focusing on "blowing up and exposing their affair". I also wanted others to have an update as when I was reading various posts, I wanted to know how things worked out for them. My first post gives the background and here is the latest update...
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On May 28th she told me that she ended their relationship and is moving back as she wants to "come home". She wants to try and fix whatever she can but hasn't come out and said she wants her marriage back. She said she has wanted to come "home" for about a month but didn't know how. I get the sense she does want me back but she feels that I need to finalize the divorce and move forward and is afraid to tell me what she really wants. I still haven't let her move back into the house and fear I am being used as she doesn't have employment or a place to live as she is staying with a friend right now. The divorce will be final in August.

I found out that she was pregnant and terminated the pregnancy, but she has yet to tell me this and my counselor is telling me I need to let her approach me. I can't even believe that she would do that but she did have a previous procedure that would prevent her being able to carry to term.

How do I even consider letting her back into my life after all of this? It was so hard but when she was gone, I could manage, but now I see her and miss what we had. Are these normal emotions to sort through and how do I process if I'm simply missing the old person I knew or actually want to work at this?

So much damage has been done and my family & friends will NEVER welcome her; it was probably one of my mistakes telling everyone but I just couldn't keep it inside as it was eating me alive.

What conditions did you give her to return?

Did she write a NC letter?

I'd be careful of false recoveries. False Recovery

Well she has not actually returned to the marital home; she is staying with a friend right now until the divorce is final. She has to find a job and find a place to live. We haven't discussed conditions but I said step 1 is individual counseling which she is doing right away(today) and then possibly joint counseling.

She did not write a NC letter but I am confident she will not have contact with this person. She's cut off all communication, Facebook, email, phone and did send back her keys to the apartment where she said she will have no contact with him; I read the letter. I am satisfied she will not and will know if she does as I still have contact with the other man's wife if needed to check on them.

Why not make one of the conditions to do Marriage Builders coaching?

Please read what Dr. Harley says requirements for recovery from an affair.
Requirements for Recovery from an Affair

The biggest question is: what do you want? Not what your friends and family want.

In the year plus Ive been here, I havent heard too many success stories involving IC. Id consider working with the MB counseling center as the technique is iron clad vs. some of the misdirection and guidance counselors seem to offer on the outside.

I told my mother that I forgave my wife and she is to as well. That has not been a problem.

You certainly have a major screwed up situation and some heavy lifting mentally to go through yourself. Im sick just thinking about it.