I've been thinking why do all of these wayward spouses sound so much alike?

Why do they think "they found the one?"
why do they say this was meant to be? its fate? that its nature?
Why do they say that the kids will be okay?

I just dont understand.

As some of you know Im left with three kids, all boys. while my HW is living his single life with a new girlfriend. I am here taking care of my kids, while WH is out there doing whatever he wants with this other woman.(he has been with this OW for 9 months) almost a year! (i get dizzy when i think about this)Them two have no respaect for me nor my kids.where is karma when you need her??!!

I am so angry. I feel so alone.

I am a Wayward Husband and I can tell you it won't last. He is in a fog right now. I have been in a fog on and off with the OW I was seeing but I never felt right about it. I knew it was wrong but my emotions took over.

Everytime I was with her and her two girls I felt like I didn't belong. I knew I should be with my wife and kids and taking care of them and supporting them. It was an awful feeling but I really felt trapped and I couldn't get out.

She wanted me to move in with her but I just knew I could not do that.

I would imagine your husband will come to his senses soon. Now that he is living with her reality will most likely set in and all the "romance" or "she is the one" feeling will fall apart.

My ex divorced me because she was so hurt and needed to get away from me and I don't blame her. She did the right thing to protect herself. I wish I had come to my senses sooner and things might have been different.

You have every right to be angry. Take care of yourself. Find a support group at your church if you have a church. Find a Divorce group. I went to a Divorce group at our church and it really helped.

Unfortunately, divorce is very lonely and I know how you feel. You are in a very hard spot right now. I will say a prayer for you and I pray your husband comes to his senses. He will never find happiness with the OW.

BOBMO!

Thank you! Thank you! thank you!!! you just totally made my day. you have no idea how much you posting this reply means to me. I am in a very dark place right now. I have major anxity from this ordeal. Cant sleep, cant eat much. wake up thinking about this, go to bed thinking about this. I believe in power of prayer. Thank you so much for praying for my broken family.

I will pray for you and your family as well.

it's funny...I just posted on your thread pretty much asking you a question, that you just answered here!

Oh may i ask, how long were in in the relationship with the OW?
My husband has been with this OW for going on 9 months and they oractially live together.:(

Every time i look at my boys I feel so sad. I cried so much, that now i think im numb. this feeling is something that i would not even wish upon my worst enemy. its just too paniful.

Sometimes i thought dying will be ealsier than dealing with my reality.

Thank again for your time! it really means alot.

oh and this OW doesnt have any kids. WE have 3 boys.

They have alot in common. both like riding motorcycles. same kind of music. they work out together.....(which is why i guess thay have lasted this long)

-sigh-

I am embarrassed to say how long. You won't like my answer but again I never felt like I belonged with her. I tried to stay married and I never filed for divorce. My ex filed to protect herself and she really did try to make things work, I was a fool and an idiot. I have been kicking myself this week thinking about it.

Affair started 9/2007
Confessed to my wife 10/2008
Most of 2009 - We separated once and reconciled a couple of times but I kept contacting OW
12/2009 - we reconciled and I did not contact OW until 5/2010
10/2010 - confessed to my wife I had been contacted OW but I did not want a divorce, it devestated her and she filed
4/2011 - divorce final
I was seeing the OW on and off from 10/2010 to 10/2011
When I was back with my wife from Dec 2009 to Oct 2010 - I was pretty happy. I did contact the OW because I was missing her but I really didn't want to be with her, in fact that is why I confessed to my wife that I had been contacting her so she would know and we could move on from it, but again it just hurt her so bad.

BOBMO,

Man, I feel like i am re-living me and my WH deal.
it is different of course, but same song diff dance.
(if you read my thread: i am new here....) you know the story.

WOW! at least you see it now, and thats a starting point.

I cant thank you enough for helping me here. I've been wanting to talk to a man who has been a WH for the longest time! so thanks a million for your honstey and time!

Oh lost, hugs to you. I have been there too, the hurt runs deep. What can you do for yourself today that you will enjoy? We have to be nice to ourselves.

Simple answer... because they are all wayward Wayardism (hahaha, is that a word?) is all about being selfish and entitled. Waywards make justifications for why their behaviour is acceptable. Easier than turning attention to the flaws inside of them that led to them betraying their spouse and family.

Because they are in luuurve... soulmate schoompies. Seriously though, its a justification. The reality is that the wayward allowed someone who is not their spouse to make deposits in their lovebank.

Because otherwise they may have to take some responsility for their decision to commit adultery. Waywards become experts at minimizing the harm they are causing others. They run from the truth at every turn. They run from being held accountable.

Some waywards run faster and further than others, but whilst wayward, they are all running in some way.

Because people are people.
The heart doctor can operate on a black man from Africas heart just as easily as a Europeans heart....they are the same.
Psychologically, most addicts show similar bahaviors.
Remember, you cannot control your husbands actions. You can only control yur actions.

Ask yourself: so you need his acceptance of you? Are you an ugly person if your husband rejects you?

Visit your doctor, get medication for slEep and anxiety. And GET ON PLAN B. You are needlessly torturing yourself by allowing him to contact you.

Thank you for you all for your time and input.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I like this HDW

HDW, you must've gone through alot. You have really good advice.

Lost, how was your WH with the kids before the affair? Was he an involved father. How is he now? Does he still have a lot of contact with his boys or not?

The reason I ask is that my XWH always put our 2DSs first. He absolutely adored them. But when it came time to moving away to live with OW he tried to justify it by saying he'd still be a good Dad because he'd get a great job and be better able to provide for them. More than a year later he is still working only part-time and having trouble paying the basic child support.
He hasn't seen his kids since last June. It's pathetic.

And I think the reason waywards call the OP the love of their life or their soulmate is because, at some level, they know what they are giving up. They're abandoning everything that was ever important to them: their spouse, their children, in some cases their job, their way of life. They HAVE to elevate the OP to a position of supreme importance to justify, for themselves, why they'd be willing to give up so much in exchange for this person. It's an element of the fog.

BobMo,

Thank you for posting on this. I am new on this board, just coming over from SAA board. My WH is filing for a D to be with his OW (who has 2 boys and we have a 17 m old) He has been having this A for 2.5 yrs now. I appreciate your honesty about your actions. It helps to hear from another FWH. Thank you again.

Lost79,

Hang in there. I'm in the same boat you are in. Just keep relying on God to get you through this. I will also pray for you, your boys, and your WH. One thing I pray for daily is for strength to go through each day. I will pray that for you. Just know that God is always with you, you are in the palm of his hand, he loves you.

I to notice the similarities with the waywards. I'm on the hurting end of that as well after 27 faithful years. It has been a nightmare with the deepest hurt I've ever experienced in my 53 years of life. Even having a baby by myself when his father denied us 31 years ago was nothing to locking me of my home, moving in his mistress with all of my belongings there, THEY deciding what I could and could not have then tossing the rest outside and no cooperation at all until a Pendente Lite 5 months later when the judge made him pay me temp spousal support. This all happened the week I retired after a 34 year career thinking we had the rest of our lives. It was meant to hurt and it did to the worst degree. So much has been lost. A family destroyed, relationships damaged and destroyed, thousands and thousands of dollars in losses, embarassment to the families, retirements damaged and this woman is getting the free ride and doesn't work. Adultery is destructive and causes so much hurt. I have to wonder if my husband will ever be sorry for anything - except when he wants to retire and finds he can't afford it anymore.

Being a religious person, I think the same demon or class of demons take over them all. Not kidding. The Bible says adultery leads to death. I think it's almost like selling your soul.

That is an interesting point, I am also a Christian and I believe this could be the case. Because it is a bit ridiculous how they all sound alike, same phrases they use over and over. It's sickening. I know that some of them do change and do come out of the fog, but for those who don't, I can't say that I'm not looking forward to their judgement day, because I would be lying. I wish I could have a front row seat at my XWH's judgement. I don't think he will ever change. In fact, I think he has been this way even from the beginning, I just didn't see his true level of narcissism.

Wow I always thought this too. People seems to forget or don't want to believe this can happen without the pea soup face splatter bit.


Because really how can they all think and say and truly believe the same foggy crap.

I'd love to hear some of the waywards acknowledgement of error and how they came out of it. Or, if they did. Do they ever realize how many people they hurt? And, especially to over 55 who are nearing retirement and such. I just wonder how many lose just about everyting and is it worth it.

I can corroborate this. My last conversation with POS, I asked him "Where is your faith? Your integrity?"

His reply?

"THAT GUY IS DEAD."

Sold his soul? Most definitely yes.

wow, that is interesting. "that guy is dead". well, atleast he is telling the truth. ha. my XH said that he is still the "same person" and that he believes in the Lord still and knows the "truth". So that is a complete opposite of your POS. my POS is so delusional, he actually thinks he is righteous! he still claims it to this day. he does not acknowledge ANYTHING that he did to hurt his family. he BLAMES me still, even after the D. He takes no responsibility whatsoever and still claims that God is on his side and that he is "following" Jesus Christ. HOW ABSURD. Darkness has no fellowship with the light, the light has no fellowship with darkness. I guess he never realized he is still in darkness.

beepbeep,

I think most waywards never come out of it. Maybe I am wrong, but I am just going by what I have experienced and what I have seen others go through. Most will never turn from their wicked ways. They are too proud and therefore will not bow down before God and admit their wrongdoings. Some of them even have a make believe God who they believe will never judge their actions. What a joke.

TB, I have a DF and her POSex acts the same as yours.