I've been thinking why do all of these wayward spouses sound so much alike?

Why do they think "they found the one?"
why do they say this was meant to be? its fate? that its nature?
Why do they say that the kids will be okay?

I just dont understand.

As some of you know Im left with three kids, all boys. while my HW is living his single life with a new girlfriend. I am here taking care of my kids, while WH is out there doing whatever he wants with this other woman.(he has been with this OW for 9 months) almost a year! (i get dizzy when i think about this)Them two have no respaect for me nor my kids.where is karma when you need her??!!

I am so angry. I feel so alone.

I am a Wayward Husband and I can tell you it won't last. He is in a fog right now. I have been in a fog on and off with the OW I was seeing but I never felt right about it. I knew it was wrong but my emotions took over.

Everytime I was with her and her two girls I felt like I didn't belong. I knew I should be with my wife and kids and taking care of them and supporting them. It was an awful feeling but I really felt trapped and I couldn't get out.

She wanted me to move in with her but I just knew I could not do that.

I would imagine your husband will come to his senses soon. Now that he is living with her reality will most likely set in and all the "romance" or "she is the one" feeling will fall apart.

My ex divorced me because she was so hurt and needed to get away from me and I don't blame her. She did the right thing to protect herself. I wish I had come to my senses sooner and things might have been different.

You have every right to be angry. Take care of yourself. Find a support group at your church if you have a church. Find a Divorce group. I went to a Divorce group at our church and it really helped.

Unfortunately, divorce is very lonely and I know how you feel. You are in a very hard spot right now. I will say a prayer for you and I pray your husband comes to his senses. He will never find happiness with the OW.

BOBMO!

Thank you! Thank you! thank you!!! you just totally made my day. you have no idea how much you posting this reply means to me. I am in a very dark place right now. I have major anxity from this ordeal. Cant sleep, cant eat much. wake up thinking about this, go to bed thinking about this. I believe in power of prayer. Thank you so much for praying for my broken family.

I will pray for you and your family as well.

it's funny...I just posted on your thread pretty much asking you a question, that you just answered here!

Oh may i ask, how long were in in the relationship with the OW?
My husband has been with this OW for going on 9 months and they oractially live together.:(

Every time i look at my boys I feel so sad. I cried so much, that now i think im numb. this feeling is something that i would not even wish upon my worst enemy. its just too paniful.

Sometimes i thought dying will be ealsier than dealing with my reality.

Thank again for your time! it really means alot.

oh and this OW doesnt have any kids. WE have 3 boys.

They have alot in common. both like riding motorcycles. same kind of music. they work out together.....(which is why i guess thay have lasted this long)

-sigh-

I am embarrassed to say how long. You won't like my answer but again I never felt like I belonged with her. I tried to stay married and I never filed for divorce. My ex filed to protect herself and she really did try to make things work, I was a fool and an idiot. I have been kicking myself this week thinking about it.

Affair started 9/2007
Confessed to my wife 10/2008
Most of 2009 - We separated once and reconciled a couple of times but I kept contacting OW
12/2009 - we reconciled and I did not contact OW until 5/2010
10/2010 - confessed to my wife I had been contacted OW but I did not want a divorce, it devestated her and she filed
4/2011 - divorce final
I was seeing the OW on and off from 10/2010 to 10/2011
When I was back with my wife from Dec 2009 to Oct 2010 - I was pretty happy. I did contact the OW because I was missing her but I really didn't want to be with her, in fact that is why I confessed to my wife that I had been contacting her so she would know and we could move on from it, but again it just hurt her so bad.

BOBMO,

Man, I feel like i am re-living me and my WH deal.
it is different of course, but same song diff dance.
(if you read my thread: i am new here....) you know the story.

WOW! at least you see it now, and thats a starting point.

I cant thank you enough for helping me here. I've been wanting to talk to a man who has been a WH for the longest time! so thanks a million for your honstey and time!

Oh lost, hugs to you. I have been there too, the hurt runs deep. What can you do for yourself today that you will enjoy? We have to be nice to ourselves.

Simple answer... because they are all wayward Wayardism (hahaha, is that a word?) is all about being selfish and entitled. Waywards make justifications for why their behaviour is acceptable. Easier than turning attention to the flaws inside of them that led to them betraying their spouse and family.

Because they are in luuurve... soulmate schoompies. Seriously though, its a justification. The reality is that the wayward allowed someone who is not their spouse to make deposits in their lovebank.

Because otherwise they may have to take some responsility for their decision to commit adultery. Waywards become experts at minimizing the harm they are causing others. They run from the truth at every turn. They run from being held accountable.

Some waywards run faster and further than others, but whilst wayward, they are all running in some way.

Because people are people.
The heart doctor can operate on a black man from Africas heart just as easily as a Europeans heart....they are the same.
Psychologically, most addicts show similar bahaviors.
Remember, you cannot control your husbands actions. You can only control yur actions.

Ask yourself: so you need his acceptance of you? Are you an ugly person if your husband rejects you?

Visit your doctor, get medication for slEep and anxiety. And GET ON PLAN B. You are needlessly torturing yourself by allowing him to contact you.

Thank you for you all for your time and input.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I like this HDW

HDW, you must've gone through alot. You have really good advice.

Lost, how was your WH with the kids before the affair? Was he an involved father. How is he now? Does he still have a lot of contact with his boys or not?

The reason I ask is that my XWH always put our 2DSs first. He absolutely adored them. But when it came time to moving away to live with OW he tried to justify it by saying he'd still be a good Dad because he'd get a great job and be better able to provide for them. More than a year later he is still working only part-time and having trouble paying the basic child support.
He hasn't seen his kids since last June. It's pathetic.

And I think the reason waywards call the OP the love of their life or their soulmate is because, at some level, they know what they are giving up. They're abandoning everything that was ever important to them: their spouse, their children, in some cases their job, their way of life. They HAVE to elevate the OP to a position of supreme importance to justify, for themselves, why they'd be willing to give up so much in exchange for this person. It's an element of the fog.

BobMo,

Thank you for posting on this. I am new on this board, just coming over from SAA board. My WH is filing for a D to be with his OW (who has 2 boys and we have a 17 m old) He has been having this A for 2.5 yrs now. I appreciate your honesty about your actions. It helps to hear from another FWH. Thank you again.

Lost79,

Hang in there. I'm in the same boat you are in. Just keep relying on God to get you through this. I will also pray for you, your boys, and your WH. One thing I pray for daily is for strength to go through each day. I will pray that for you. Just know that God is always with you, you are in the palm of his hand, he loves you.

I to notice the similarities with the waywards. I'm on the hurting end of that as well after 27 faithful years. It has been a nightmare with the deepest hurt I've ever experienced in my 53 years of life. Even having a baby by myself when his father denied us 31 years ago was nothing to locking me of my home, moving in his mistress with all of my belongings there, THEY deciding what I could and could not have then tossing the rest outside and no cooperation at all until a Pendente Lite 5 months later when the judge made him pay me temp spousal support. This all happened the week I retired after a 34 year career thinking we had the rest of our lives. It was meant to hurt and it did to the worst degree. So much has been lost. A family destroyed, relationships damaged and destroyed, thousands and thousands of dollars in losses, embarassment to the families, retirements damaged and this woman is getting the free ride and doesn't work. Adultery is destructive and causes so much hurt. I have to wonder if my husband will ever be sorry for anything - except when he wants to retire and finds he can't afford it anymore.

Being a religious person, I think the same demon or class of demons take over them all. Not kidding. The Bible says adultery leads to death. I think it's almost like selling your soul.

That is an interesting point, I am also a Christian and I believe this could be the case. Because it is a bit ridiculous how they all sound alike, same phrases they use over and over. It's sickening. I know that some of them do change and do come out of the fog, but for those who don't, I can't say that I'm not looking forward to their judgement day, because I would be lying. I wish I could have a front row seat at my XWH's judgement. I don't think he will ever change. In fact, I think he has been this way even from the beginning, I just didn't see his true level of narcissism.

Wow I always thought this too. People seems to forget or don't want to believe this can happen without the pea soup face splatter bit.


Because really how can they all think and say and truly believe the same foggy crap.

I'd love to hear some of the waywards acknowledgement of error and how they came out of it. Or, if they did. Do they ever realize how many people they hurt? And, especially to over 55 who are nearing retirement and such. I just wonder how many lose just about everyting and is it worth it.

I can corroborate this. My last conversation with POS, I asked him "Where is your faith? Your integrity?"

His reply?

"THAT GUY IS DEAD."

Sold his soul? Most definitely yes.

wow, that is interesting. "that guy is dead". well, atleast he is telling the truth. ha. my XH said that he is still the "same person" and that he believes in the Lord still and knows the "truth". So that is a complete opposite of your POS. my POS is so delusional, he actually thinks he is righteous! he still claims it to this day. he does not acknowledge ANYTHING that he did to hurt his family. he BLAMES me still, even after the D. He takes no responsibility whatsoever and still claims that God is on his side and that he is "following" Jesus Christ. HOW ABSURD. Darkness has no fellowship with the light, the light has no fellowship with darkness. I guess he never realized he is still in darkness.

beepbeep,

I think most waywards never come out of it. Maybe I am wrong, but I am just going by what I have experienced and what I have seen others go through. Most will never turn from their wicked ways. They are too proud and therefore will not bow down before God and admit their wrongdoings. Some of them even have a make believe God who they believe will never judge their actions. What a joke.

TB, I have a DF and her POSex acts the same as yours.

I don't think we have any active waywards posting. There are many stories here though where former waywards turned their lives around and who have solid marriages now, just read the boards.

Active waywards tend not to like it here. We don't take crap. They don't like that.

Research addiction and your wayturd will make sense.

migs, sad to hear that there are so many waywards ruining people's lives. everyday i hear a new story.

I used to listen to this Christian talk radio early in the morning while working, and I will never forget a business man who talked about his journey to the "other side" how he started out as a salesman at a company and how he was an honest person until he saw how the sales people would water down the product and sale them at full price, he decided to do the same thing.

He was telling how that decision was his slippery slide down the path of lying and stealing and into some type of scandal that ended with jail time for fraud.

Because he compromised his integrity and saw how much he could get for nothing which lead to him thinking he could do anything as long as he didn't get caught he was fine with it.



Also if you have not watched or heard of Devil's Advocate rent the movie because it's about that moment when you turn from being an honest and good person and do something that is morally corrupt it can and will lead to not so great things in your life.


Which brings me to THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS and the quotes from the book




A really great perspective on true Christians from the point of view of the devil.

�There are things for humans to do all day long without His minding in the least � sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying, working. Everything has to be twisted before it�s any use to us.�




�Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy�s ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is His invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden

Lost,

What's kind of weird is that in my sitch, my WXW chose the life you're living. Now she is the single mom with two boys to take care of, and I'm living the single life. She's exhausted.

It's almost like I should feel guilty, but she's the one who created this mess. And now her affair is over. It didn't even last a year post divorce.

All waywards are nuts.

TE

TE-

Wow, you shouldn't feel guilty at all! If she created the mess and had an A then she is paying the consequences now. Atleast she didn't take off and leave the kids with you to raise them by yourself. My WXH is in Ca and I am in IA where I am from, and have family, I raise our 3 boys. I am the exhausted one and he still tells me it is my fault bc I am the one who "ruined" the M for yrs before he found a "friend". He still claims he never had an A and that I deserve to suffer financially (bc he refuses to pay cs) bc I took the boys to Iowa. Well, I took them to a safe and stable place. His world is insane.

I do not feel sorry for waywards at ALL. Even if they ever come around and are sorry for what they did I still will not feel bad for the pain they might have gone through. I feel that if a wayward is going through tough times and having a lot of hurt and pain, good. I do not care. Maybe that sounds harsh, but you reap what you sow. The BS's are the ones who deserve compassion, not the wayward. I have made mistakes in my life and I paid the consequences, I was wayward for ONE night early in my first M and in the instant I was doing wrong my eyes were opened. I was never wayward again. I have NEVER done to my WXH what he did to me. If you are willing to commit the crime then do the effin time.

Yes, yes, yes! I wish no one else had to go through this, but it helps to know I'm not alone.

BobMo, I have a question for you. My WH has been involved in an affair for 3 1/2 years. OW lives across the country, so it's all fantasy and romance. They've both had spouses shouldering all the garbage while they run away on vacation together. I found out a year into it (our story sounds a lot like yours in many ways). I was devastated, but surprised that I didn't want a divorce. I didn't want to lose him or break up our family. Put everything into it for a year. He saw her a few times, stayed in contact, but after a year he broke it off and was amazing for a few months. She kept after him. He finally left (Oct 2010), but said his heart was still with us. He has gone gradually darker and darker. Almost came home in July and Dec 2011; both times she talked him out of it. Now she is insisting he file for divorce. He is being awful about pushing it through - threatening me if I don't sign. Not sure, but I think she is filing too.

Is there any hope of him turning around at this point? Did you try to get your family back when you "saw the light" even after a divorce? I don't know what to do. We've been married 22 years and have 4 children. One is 19 but it's still killing him. The other 3 are still at home. Would you try to keep up any contact with him? Hope something gets through to his heart one day? Or would you do a dark plan B and if he's going to turn around he's on his own?

He says he never loved me, I am horrible, our kids will be fine, I'm a drama queen if I ever suggest otherwise, the other woman is so amazing and wonderful and fun to be around, blahblahblah.

Thank you for your honesty and openness. It's helpful to have a glimpse of what might be going on inside his mind and heart. It is like an out of control addiction, and he talks like he simply has no choice but to destroy his family and run after this woman. Who, incidentally, is a person I cannot believe any man would want, let alone leave his family for. So sad.

You did see BOBMO hasn't posting anything after 1/21/12, correct? So I don't know if he will be back or ever comes back to the boards anymore.

Read this it may help with your questions Inside the Wayward Mind

Here's another good thread by a FWH and his FBW also responded on the thread.

It was an Ordinary Day Here by GloveOil

No, I didn't notice that. Thank you. I'll read the link.

I wonder the same thing. I'm the BW, mother to our 5 children, he left me for OW (who has 2 children)-- claiming she is the one who "really" understands him after he spent 2 months texting her (a woman he knew from junior high!) It has ripped our lives apart. He claims it doesn't hurt our children at all. That it is all my fault because I wasn't a better wife. We've been through this hell for a year and a half now. He filed for divorce last fall and it's still dragging on. He initially filed a bunch of abusive claims trying to say that I wasn't a fit parent and shouldn't have custody, while he spent ALL our money that he had moved into a private account on him and OW to my horror. I get no CS, no Spousal support, he quit his job and is living off of OW. And I'm struggling to try and find a job and some way to finish college (he won't file last years taxes and apparently didn't do withholdings so we owe! He spent it ALL.) while raising 5 children alone now that I've been given primary custody.

I hate that in a month and a half I will have to send my 4 oldest children to live with him and OW for 6 weeks. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

HFC- I am so sorry to hear about what your WH is doing! That is terrible. He sounds worse than my ex! And I thought my ex was the worst of the worst!

Your children are definitely hurt by what he is doing. He is reckless and cares only about himself and his fantasy. If you don't mind me asking, why do you have to leave 4 of your children with him and his POSOW for 6 weeks?

We have a formal parenting plan through the court. His timesharing includes 6 weeks of their summer vacation + alternating spring + fall break/ Christmas break by year. I requested relocation to move out of New Mexico back to Ohio where we own a house jointly that I am trying to refi in my own name as part of the divorce, and the day after I left he sent me notice he is moving in with OW in Colorado.

Did you not put it in your D agreement your kids can't be around OW?

The judge didn't even care that WH spent over $65k in 4 months time--ALL of our assets--while I was at food pantries and trying to get food stamps to provide for our 5 children which included him writing checks out to the OW for thousands of dollars at a time. Things like them not being around OW weren't allowed into the parenting plan. I really wish they were.

Sorry that sucks!!

I agree, it does. She has kids, too. My kids will go there this summer to their house with her 2 kids plus her ex-stepson that she has part of the year, and be squished into their craziness. She has her kids alternating daycare with super scheduled when they aren't with their dad 50% timeshare. My kids have never met her or her children (thank goodness so far!) and will be forced into a new "family" and I have no clue how to prepare them for that because he hasn't told them he is living with her.

I know this sucks and since you have no choice but to let them go.

Are you in Plan B with your ex? How do the kids feel about going?

My plan B has been very ineffective. I've had to interact with him nonstop despite my own desires. My lawyer has been very bad as an IM because I need things done and he drags his feet on everything and his lawyer never responds. Both his lawyer and he lie to the court, ignore discovery requests, and respond with fog rather than answers. The court forced us into mediation despite domestic violence background as well and 2 previous protective orders. Then we were admonished to "work together like adults" which ended up with me working and him being a foggy liar and manipulative controlling person more. Now I'm in a different state than he is and he texts me 20 times a day to either bug me about our kids, calls our kids and harasses them about what they're doing and the fact they don't always want to talk to him and be berated by him, or texts me to rattle off his fog about how I'm the reason for the divorce (despite the fact he left me for another woman and filed for divorce himself). Court interactions has forced me to not be in the dark repeatedly (during the first protective order, they directed that I had to supervise visitation in my home 6 days a week up to 6 hours at a time because I couldn't pay for an outside private service at $15 an hour. Now he still has all the finances but isn't paying the bills, keeps changing addresses on all my bills to his then I don't get statements, among all the custody interactions. I don't know how to make plan B work with all the nonsense that the court keeps handing me because they keep believing HIS lies despite me having the evidence of them being lies.

So you can't use an IM for all his drivel of texts and emails and such? This would at least cut down all the craziness/drama he sends.

Also what are you doing to prepare your children for their visits? Since they have to go I would try and prepare them.

I don't know how to prepare them. How do I do that? My kids have never been away from me their entire lives! They've never gone more than a day without seeing me ever. And that is when I was in the hospital pregnant with my youngest on bedrest and my mom brought them to see me every day.

That is a tough one. How will they be going? Flying? Driving?

Hopeforchange:
I cannot even imagine what you are going through! I think that unknown would drive me crazy. And you are doing all this while you are being a mom to a large family , a large , young family! My heart goes out to you.
I have 4 kids , but they are a bit older than yours (now 24, 22, 17 ,16).
My H had a PA with a much younger woman (a want to be bikini model from Poland with immigration issues), it had started 4 years ago and went off and on for about 3to 3 1/2. It was very difficult for my kids, especially the younger ones. Dad just checked out, missed events he never would have if he was not in that affair) We were also separated off and on during that time....I was even served divorce papers. Very , very long story short...we have reconciled. I am sure one of the reasons is that he (H) finally saw her for what she was , she wanted him for money and security, and a way to get and stay in this country. Because my husband was in the insane fog of the affair he did not have our business as a priority , we also had the expenses of 2 different household (seperated), but the kicker was he was giving her so much money , he was paying someone to get her in to the country illegally , he developed a gambling addiction (they would travel to casinos together) which then caused him to owe casinos tens of thousands of dollars , paid her expenses (apartment in NYC) and paid for her travel (we live in another state) on and on and on.....She would send me awful emails , she had very shady people follow me and even had my life threatened (by the man that was trying to get her into this country , paid for by my H...there is a police report , this was the beginning of the end for my H and his mistress because my H happened to be home when it happened)....well, then we lost everything and guess whose relationship fizzled.....So , I know the frustration of all the money spent towards affair .Right now I am working hard on forgiveness in the arena of our finances and it is difficult to let go of the anger I feel towards my husband about our finances (this is bizarre but I have had an easier time forgiving him of the lovely STD I have and will have for the rest of my life)... Our home is in foreclosure , we may have to declare bankruptcy. It is such a mess. I have gotten 2 part-time jobs because I do not have any skills that the workforce wants (I was a stay at home mom for 24 years that helped her husband's business and raised 4 sons while he traipsed around the world with pretty young thing).... Like I said , my kids are older and they were able to express to their dad that they would spend time with him but would never accept that woman in their lives ( I never encouraged them to say that)....that got my H to really think. He never did have them meet, and he said he never would.
I have no idea what I would do in your situation , but I think there may not be a whole lot you can do....hopefully someone can give you the advice as to how to prepare the kids...then I would pray, pray , pray.
Just know that I am thinking of you....and yes somehow, some way things will get better...have hope...have hope <3

~~ S

I don't even know. Likely driving.

I'm so sorry for what you're being put through, it's nuts. The kids are the main concern and since they have to go, I would prepare them for being away from you by being away short periods of time, maybe sleepovers with a trust adult (aunt? friends?). I don't know how old your kids are, but if they have a stuffed animal they sleep with, make sure they take it with them and check to make sure it comes back with them. Sometimes you have to wonder about our system!

As for the taxes, you can file exempt as injured party, you'll have to search to find out the form number. That way anything owing he'll get stuck with eventually. The courts should determine who gets to claim the kids what years.

I'd also go to health and human services for aid with supporting the children and let them garnish his future wages for the back support to reimburse them, so you don't have to deal with it.

Excellent advice. Also, can you drive with them so they can get prepared to be with him? Is there anyway he will lessen the time? I know he has a right to his 6 weeks and it's tough on the kids. Remind me again your kids' ages?

Do you really think he will go through with it or back out because it's a long time to have her kids and his??

Your story broke my heart. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I think BH is right. Your WH might not even be able to handle the kids for the whole time.

Maybe you could get Skype on the computer and teach the kids how to use it? That way you could have some "face time" with them.

Hello,
Here are some more thoughts to consider: perhaps you can buy your eldest child a cell phone (don't know how old he/she is) and teach them how to use it so you can contact them and vice versa if they need to get a hold of you...IPhones are nice because you can also see their face on the screen. You could also consider going there on the weekends and stay at a nearby hotel and drive by the home to check and see the neighborhood. I would want to make myself available to the kids because of the duration of the visit. Check and make sure you'd be in compliance with the court if you did the latter. Keep us posted...

I don't have the right to local visitation with them during his parenting time except for Mother's Day, my birthday, and their birthdays. None of which fall during his 6 weeks this summer. Honestly, I can't afford to go there 7 states away and stay at a hotel. I'm unemployed and stretching the $6,000 in April that the court gave me as far as possible which really will only pay my bills a couple months. I've been looking for a job but it's hard when the divorce is being handled in NM while I'm in OH finally, requiring travel for that and hearings, plus finding childcare that is less cost than I would make with no degree. It's a circular bad situation.

My oldest will be 9 this summer, she has Asperger's so her emotional maturity is more like that of 4 1/2-5 years old. And her dad is not likely to let her keep a cell phone even if I purchase her one of her own.

We have Skype, it's how they contact their dad currently. The question then comes if HE will allow them to use it to remain in contact with me during his parenting time. He took parenting time for 4 days (one of which was my birthday) in March when our youngest was in the hospital. I saw them once during that time, during which he complained and made it as miserable as possible on all of us. He's a very controlling person and abuse was a factor in our marriage that further complicates it all.

I pray in many ways he chooses to not take his parenting time. I will feel horrible for my kids if he doesn't, but the idea of being apart from them kills me. And the idea of them being with WH and OW and her kids this summer makes me sick to my stomach.

Hope, just imagine being a woman with her own kids, trying to have a romantic affair, and being landed with 5 kids under 9, one a baby, a 3 yo, and an 8 yo Aspie who hates change and will act out a treat and scream blue murder most of the time.

Being apart from them you think may kill you (it won't), but having 5 unruly unhappy, very young kids for 6 weeks plus her own to cope with, with a selfish man not helping out, will definitely kill her!!!! They are your H bomb you insert into their relationship. Stop panicking the kids will pick up your mood. Tell them they will have a great time with Daddy and to be sure and ask and nag Daddy and friend also, for everything they ever wanted!!

He won't have the baby actually. I managed to work it in the parenting plan that youngest won't go to WH until youngest is 3 years old because I am breastfeeding and youngest was a preemie with a lot of extra medical needs.

WH actually in his craziness once he realized the court wouldn't hand 100% custody of the kids over to him and just cut me out of his life completely, tried to argue with the court then tried to convince me to ONLY give him the oldest child not the others. Said he likes her best and gets along with her better. He's just so screwed up in this parenting thing let alone the marriage.

How sad for the kids.

Has he even made arrangements yet? The time should be close with summer here, correct?

Those are going to be expensive tickets. Does he have to pay both ways?

His parenting time starts as soon as July 5th and goes through until 5 days prior to school starting in August. He hasn't made any arrangements yet to my knowledge for their travel. New Mexico is an income shares state and since I am the one who relocated, I was told that it would decrease child support (despite it's already measly amount) to account for the cost of transporting the kids to him for his time sharing.

Tomorrow is my 9th anniversary. What a crappy day.

So sorry for this.

You need to start making new memories. So what can you do tomoorow that will be fun? With family or friends?

I'm going to have lunch with my brother and his family tomorrow with my kids. I don't think they realize tomorrow is my anniversary, I was talking to my mom tonight and she won't even acknowledge it. I wish someone in my family could be emotionally available to support me through this, I've been doing it all alone and it is so hard. My grandma stayed with me for a while after he filed for divorce and most of what I heard from her was how if I'd been a better wife...

Can you tell them? Then say I just need your support today by xyz, but I will do my best to stay upbeat.

I'm sure your family wouldn't want you to suffer. What about gurlfriends IRL?

How is your support system with all your kids? Are you a SAHM?

I'm a SAHM desperately looking for a job because child support is not going to pay all the bills and we will end up homeless if I can't find something that outweighs the cost of childcare significantly which has been near impossible to find so far with no degree. My support system has continued to suck despite my nonstop attempts to improve it with church, moms groups, family, friends, etc.

My family doesn't really care a whole lot. My SIL understands best because her first husband was a Wayward as well who left with her brother's wife before she met my brother. I don't really have any girlfriends IRL who are available emotionally for support to do things with.

And that is why message boards can be such a source of encouragement at times like this.

(((hugs)))

Have you tried Adult and Family Services? Look into getting support through them...they will get it back from WH. Also they may be able to provide resources to get you into school and on track for being able to support your children.

I am in the same boat as well My H has been involved in an affair and left me with the house, his bird, his fishtank and two dogs and all the house chores. Said he was feeling sorry for me because I was unemployed and is why he did not pull his check. He has been paying the bills and I am so angry as well and hurt. I filed for divorce as well he is talking to other women on craigslist and tagged.com. The only reason I know this is that i have access to his email and he does not know. When does karma kick in an reality set in when does the fog quit, I still love this man but I am so torn. Advice welcome

Print out the emails. Is your state "no fault"? If it isn't, give your proof to your attorney.

I have printed out all the emails and did give proof to the attorney. I am just ready to get on and past all the crap and thing he has put me thru

Browneyedgirl, remind us, please: what did you do to expose the affair?