WW is very angry now.She wants to move out.She changed all her passwords.Its going to be even harder to snoop now.She uses a tab with android as os.No programs for that yet.A friend of OMW said OM will never contact my wife again.Should I continue to expose?Her mom still doesnt know.Her mom is very old...I dont know what she'll do when she finds out more ppl will know.She is also my biz partner so this is going to be real hard on me.
She wants to binge drink herself to death.She is the type of destructive person that I have no control over.I am aware of the withdrawal but what can I do now?Just let her be???

It could possible be that OM BW is in denial and she just wants to let your WW know that she knows.
Good job on letting the POSOM's BW know. Who else can you expose to? WW's mother??

The BH in my case said he couldn't keep in contact with me anymore because it was too painful for him to know all the lies his WW was telling him.

Keep on keeping on.

Yes your WW will be furious because you took her drug away from her.

Did you get some legal advice on protecting yourself with the business? If she moves out, how can you stop her? She can go if she wants to, correct?

You needed to do all the exposure at once. Trickle exposure can hurt you.
You need to get yourself protected legally with the business.
Can you afford a call to Steve Harley?

When your WW is angry, just keep repeating "I will do everything in my power to save our M. Do you want a cookie?"

I didnt expose to WW mother.I dont know what WW would do if her mom knows....U think I should still expo to her 80 yr old mom?she just found out I expo to OMW and she stormed out after drinking a bottle of wine.I ve never been able to handle her destructive behavior.
Yes,I think u r right about OMW being in denial.Cos OM told her nothing really happened and maybe she believed him.I didnt do the expo all at once.Her mom who doesnt use a computer lives in another country.Only a letter could be sent.But I am really having 2nd thoughts about sending that letter now.WW blew up and she's purposely hurting herself to make me feel guilty.
How much is a phone call to the Dr?Not sure if I could afford it now,the affair affected everything around us.I am losing faith.

She just came back.She is all wet from the rain and crying.I was like that for weeks after DDay.Is there anything I could during this time?Just put up with her for now?It hurts to see her in pain over the OM.

A session with Steve Harley is $195 check it out MB coaching center or you can write a letter to the radio show which is free, here Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Also is your WW an alcoholic?

Can you call WW's mom and tell her over the phone? Yes your WW will be angry, but you can survive her anger but your M can't survive her affair.

She's angry because your exposuring is working.

You're in Plan A so yes there is.

You go to her and give her a hug and say I know you're hurting and I'm sorry for your pain, but we can get through this together and I will do whatever it takes to fight for our M.

OM deleted his fb.WW was distressed becos she couldnt reach OM.OMW forwarded all my msgs to WW and tried to add WW as friend.WW found out I had been sending out these expo msgs to friends of OMW.I 'm still confused as to why OMW contacting WW and refuses to accept my friend request.She never replied to any of my msg.Is she mad at me telling her friends,embarrassing her?Anyway,WW went ballistic.I thought I was prepared for the aftermath of my expo,but I guess I wasnt.WW became extremely destructive.She packed up to move out .She drank almost an entire bottle of wine and walked out in the middle of night.She came back an hour later and started breaking everything in the house!!I restrained her but she fought me and continued with her destructions.She asked me to take her life,she didnt want to live.I told her she should leave on the next flight and not come back again.I meant it .At that moment,I was ready to let her go for good.I didnt care about plan abc,I just wanted her out of my life. I didnt know how to deal with her demonic state so I went back to my room before I lost my mind and do something I would regret.This was one of the worst day of my life.I prayed intensively to God asking for guidance.I told God this is way beyond what I could handle and that if God doesnt intervene,then I guess this is it.She leaves and I wont want to see or hear from her again.We slept for a few hours.We woke up the next day and she was still very angry.She asked me for the password to my email.I declined becos thats where I stored all my expo letters.She was furious and cried .....then suddenly,she collapsed and started saying how dumb she had been.She blamed herself for trusting the OM.She also said she knows I've been trying to protect her.What a sudden turn of events.All this took me by surprise..even til now.Its so surreal and happened so fast,i still cant wrap my head around it.Its been more than 24 hours since the fog lifted.But I dont believe the fog is 100% gone.Shs still has feelings for him.I asked for no contact,she said ok but if OM contacts her,she would "try" to ignore OM.She said she doenst know if she could it .She still shows no remorse.She never apologized about the affair.She is uncertain about her feelings but she told me she doesnt want to move out and is willing to work on herself(not us).She immediately deleted her reunion fb but refused to delete her own fb and email.OM is not on her friend list on her personal fb.
Will the fog come back?How do I make sure it doesnt?Wife is always complaining,badmouthing the OM to me.Should I engage in these conversation with her?Does plan A end when affair is over?If affair ends but wife and I are not ready to R,what now?I did the trickle expo,not wide and far enough.It happened so fast,I didnt have time to expo to the OM side and wifes mom.Should I continue to expo but state that the affair is over and I just want people to know it happened?I am scared out of my mind OM and wife will contact each other.....would more expo help?I often hear ppl breaking NC and false R.How to prevent them contacting each other?Is it possible to R when wife is not remorseful?Sorry for so many questions.I am still very lost.

xtreme, your WW is still very foggy and addicted to OM. It sounds like his wife locked him down. Don't be concerned with the how or why of her actions. The fact that he has shut down his FB and has not contacted your WW makes it clear that his wife is working on her side. Work on yours.

Think: how can he contact your WW? Cell phone? Change her number. Facebook? Watch her every time she is on there since she's refusing - for now - to get rid of it. It's eventually going to have to go, though. Snail mail? Rent a post office box and you keep the key and pick up the mail.

When she starts babbling about how OM is the love of her life and you've ruined it, say "I love you and will do whatever it takes to save our marriage." When she starts harping about what a lousy human/husband/man you are, say "I understand that you are upset right now. But I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage." Then she'll say some idiotic thing like "Well, you've done it now! I'll never trust you again!" (the irony of that one always cracks me up) or "I hate you - you've embarrassed me!" Ignore all of this and don't let it upset you. You took away her drug and she's going through withdrawal. It's what addicts do.

Don't give away any of your snooping tools, and don't talk to her about Marriage Builders right now. This is going to be hard, but YOU need to present yourself to her as steady and sure in your actions. You're going to be her lighthouse to guide her back home.

The only ways OM could contact my wife is via fb ,cell phone and email.I have her cell phone now.I guess I dont need to expo anymore since the affair is over....or too early to say...?Makes me so anxious just thinking my wife could get back into the fog again.
I am not in Plan A nor in R.So what happens now?

Brainhurts. to answer your question..wife used to be an alcoholic 15 years ago.

Who have you not exposed to at this point?

Alcoholics are and will always be an alcoholic. So if she feel off the wagon. Will she get into a program? Are you in ALANON?

Dr. Harley recommends seperation with an alcoholic. I think you need to prepare for Plan B.

Read these Alcoholic spouse 1
Alcholoic #2

I just exposed to friends of OMS.But they are also friends of OM.WW closest friends already know.Was gonna send out a letter to her mom.Her mom does not use a computer and lives in another country.
update:OM reinstated his fb!!

Sure he did. He's now aware that you are exposing and wants to be in a position to defuse your exposure and to find out exactly who knows. He can't do that without access to his friends. Good job!

I dont think she fell off the wagon ....it was the 1st time she drank in 15 years.I guess the pain of withdrawal was just too much to her.I dont know what plan I am in right now. Melody mentioned that plan A ends if the affair is over but I read from other members that one should remain in plan A even when affair is over.
I didnt make any demands.She volunteered to do the following.She is willing to send nc letter to the reunion group.She couldnt send one to OM cos his fb is deleted again.He reinstates it and closes it several times.She lets me have access to all her email,fb...She will be totally honest with me about everything,she will tell me if OM contacts her.She doesnt want to move out now.However,she is not showing much remorse and she said she has no desire to recommit to our marriage at the moment.
What are signs that W is defogging?Whats my strategy now?Am I in plan A?Recovery plan?

I would like to know how long I should wait before she makes a decision to recommit or not to our marriage .Should I just be patient and wait til she is ready ?

She will not recommit if she is still foggy. It could take up to two years to reconnect and that is usually with a remorseful spouse.

Have you read this?
Inside the Wayward Mind

Have you read these articles?
Dr. Harley states in one of these instances to Plan A for 6 months and at that deadline if she hasn't stopped her affair to proceed to the next step.

But, if at the end of six months, she refuses to stop seeing her lover and doesn't seem to be responding to your efforts, tell her that you can't take the pain any longer and move out of your house. I recommend that you don't talk to her, don't see her, do whatever the law requires, but no more. The last thing she will remember of you is how kind you were to her, and how hard you tried to make her happy. Never say a harsh word to her, but when you leave, gently tell her that you do not wish to talk to her again. It's tough to carry out, with two children. But if at all possible, have your friends or family mediate so that you don't talk to her when you see your children.



Unfaithful Wife #1
Unfaithful Wife #2
Unfaithful Wife #3
Unfaithful Wife #4

Please listen to these radio clips from Dr. H about exposure to a BH and his WW is having an EA.

1st Radio Clip

2nd Radio Clip on Exposure and Plan A for the BH

3rd Segment fo Radio Clip

Exposure to the OMW has ended the affair....for now.OM and W deactivated their fb.No contact since last Thursday.But evil friends of W sent her a phone number and I know W is contemplating calling that number.She said she would be open and honest about everything but she didnt tell me about the number.I guess she is not totally out of the fog which worries me.She is willing to end the affair but she has no desire to recommit to our marriage.She said she has fallen out of love.Is this common with the W right after the affairs?Is this just temporary or our marriage is over even though the affair is dead?

Should I confront her about the phone number?I dont want her to know I've been snooping....at least the source that I got it from.