There is no excuse for not exposing- none.

And you will not be able to recover your marriage without it- for many different reasons.

You say she shows more remorse than you have ever seen- what does this mean? Has she cheated before?

And I shall add to the chorus - don't believe your wife's description of OM'a marriage or spouse. I can only imagine how she describes you to OM. See how that works?

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She must not be monitoring every move or he wouldn't have been able to have an affair with your wife, right? How do you know she is 'controlling'? Is this what your WW has told you? You understand that waywards are notorious liars, correct? So you're going to hide the very actions that SHE chose to commit in order to help her poor little fragile self-esteem? Don't you think she tanked herself by behaving immorally? If she had behaved in an upright fashion her self esteem would be just fine. You are enabling her, sir. This will come back to bite you firmly on the butt. Has she been hospitalized for long periods of time in mental or psychiatric institutions for this depression? What meds is she on?
Here's one thing I am sorry to confirm to you right now: the affair hasn't ended. It has already gone underground. They are still working together. It's the oldest trick in the book for waywards who work together: "Pinky swear! It's over! We can work together but we won't let it go any farther than that! We'll only talk business!" Don't buy that for one second. Only if you don't mind the affair continuing. In any event, the OM's poor wife needs to know what her hound-dog husband is up to, regardless of whether or not you don't mind the two affairees continuing their affair while they work together.

It won't make it harder, it will make the recovery of your marriage possible. First off, the more people who know about the affair, the more people to hold her accountable. She will be much less likely to behave in such a destructive, despicable manner if others are watching. If others know her weaknesses, she will be more likely to change her behavior.

And more importantly, the more people who know, the more support for your marriage.

I would suggest that her self image has been damaged by her sleazy behavior. As it should. Committing adultery harms one's self esteem. There is nothing to esteem about an adulterer. But she has a chance to change that if she ever shows some remorse and makes amends for her wrongdoing. She can become the kind of person that is worthy of esteem.

There needs to be a full exposure.

WW is still protecting the OM and putting the OM needs ahead of yours.

Your WW or the OM will have to leave the PD job. Affair partners can not work together. The marriage will not recover. The affair will restart because you will allow NC to be broken by allowing them to work together.

WW and OM are doing damage control to stop you from exposing.

So, what say you, bewildered? You've been given sterling, solid advice. Advice that WORKS. We can give you the tools, but you've got to use them. Have you made up your mind to save your marriage yet, or do you have other questions?