He should be willing to let you approve it and give it to her your self. It shouldn't be delivered without your approval.

I don't see the point in sending a NCL until she is out of the workplace.

RL, I agree with the advice to demand NC. He is driving her to and from work in addition to working with her all day? That is completely unacceptable and will cause you serious health problems and deplete your LB$ if you allow this to continue.

Giving a NCL when he sees her every day is putting the cart before the horse.

Once you get NC implemented and get OW out of the workplace and are ready to send the letter, there is a form that is in SAA that we can post for you. It is NOT given in person.

rl, you are missing the point.

He needs to never see her again, starting today.

If he hands over a NC letter in person, he will have to see her, by definition.

He should write (following Dr Harley's template) and YOU should send the NC letter. There is no need for you to hand it over in person, either. And as someone has just said, there is no point sending the letter if he is going to see her next day in the workplace. He has to go NC, then you send the NC letter.

Where can I get a copy of the NC letter?

Here's my problem. I don't think I am getting the whole truth about this affair. I do not believe they had sex. He did tell me that he thought he was in love with her and that he wanted to be with her but he couldn't because of the Church which is a trip to me - so you didn't think you were committing adultery by kissing her and being in love with her? My problem is that I have gotten the information piecemeal. First they just kissed a couple of times, then they kissed a half dozen times, then he fondled her breasts, then he really wanted to have sex with her but didn't, then he thought he was in love with her and told her so. I wish I could just get the whole story because every time more is uncovered, I am hurt all over again by the lack of honesty. Should I just let it drop for now. I mean I really doubt I am ever going to have the whole truth about it and that just eats at me sometimes. No - not sometimes - constantly!

Insist on a polygraph test as a condition for reconciliation. Read my thread to find out why...

Basically, an EA became a one time PA, became a 6 month PA, became PAs with six different APs. I still don't have the poly...we'll see what the whole truth is when it comes out.

You will get better assistance here by NOT starting new threads. I suggest you click notify at the bottom of this note and ask the mods to merge yours.

Runnerlady, people cannot see the rest of your story when you start a new thread. This makes it confusing to give advice. Do as NG suggests and ask the mods to merge your threads.

Done.

RL, did you see our posts about demanding no contact? You must first demand no contact and then make it a condition of your recovery that he tell you all the truth about his affair.

The others are right about the NC letter. It can't be sent until he ends contact. And when that happens he should a letter that is approved by you and mailed by you. It is not his decision. It is yours as a condition of reconciliation. If he won't end all contact with that skank in 2 weeks, then separation is in order.

I have actually thought about making them both sit down together and face me with their actions. The reason is that because of the nature of the way I found out I believe she would be far more honest with me than he is being. Not to mention that she has absolutely nothing to lose really. I have spoken to her on the phone since its exposure and she asked me why he would lie to her about having loved her and wanting to be with her. I let her know that we have that in common. We both want to know the answer to that question. This might just create more drama, though, so I don't know.

Are you listening to what we have repeatedly said about NC starting right now?

Are you reading our posts?

I am. I just feel very confused because I am getting all sorts of cute little loving texts and cards. He is showering me with affection (which he knows is a big need for me) and he wasn't doing that before. I was actually probably going to do it after Saturday night since this week is Holy Week in my church. I was going to give him until 04/20 because that is the three-week mark since it was exposed and I read on the MB website not to let it go longer than three weeks, so I guess that is my cut off point.

Stop. Stop right now. Stop putting it off. Do what the vets are telling you to do. Do it now.

That's 3 weeks of a good Plan A followed by Plan B. I think you need to read more and understand what Plan A and Plan B really mean.

That really is what I am trying to do. Implement Plan A first. From my understanding, wives should not let their husbands continue in the marriage and the affair for more than three weeks because the wife's physical health starts to be compromised. April 20 is the three week mark, whereby if he will not agree, then on April 20 I will implement Plan B.

Which vet our there has a quick link to The Carrot and The Stick of Plan A, because RL does not seem to remember there is a STICK involved as well...

RL the 'stick' of plan A is crucial, I'm just really new here myself and don't know how to navigate. I'm sure a vet will post a link for your shortly.