Are we really in recovery if I am still depressed, cry lots and ask him the same questions about the affair over and over?
I get that she met his needs, but I don't get why he didn't stand up for our love and tell her to get lost.
Some days I feel like I can move on but other days I want to get on a plane and kill this immoral human who put my husband in a trance. Yes I know it's his fault, don't get me wrong, but I would love to have a crack at her and let her know that she has no selfrespect. This is the second man she's done this too. The first one was engaged.
Also, am I in recovery if I still have urges to internet stalk her?
Ugggghhh I hate what this stupid A has made me become!!!
Someone please tell me that he didn't mean the stuff he said to her.. He's adamant that he loves me and is sticking around no matter what and that I am more amazing than what she'll ever be, just how do I believe it wholeheartedly and just freaking move on?
I wish there was a magic pill....
SadandMad I am sorry that you're here, but you are in the right place. If you haven't checked out some of the other threads in the Surviving an Affair section I would recommend you doing so, as it seems there are things that apply to you. Exposing this affair, which will hold your WH accountable, and get you some support. Also I think it would be wise to request a polygraph from your WH. Since you have been 'in recovery' it seems he is still feeding you trickle truths, and the only source of 'truth' you are getting is from the OW and the one thing we know about her is that she is willing to cheat with a married man and be the source of lies and deceit, in other words, she is NOT a very good source for information. You are not truly in recovery if you don't know the truth. I had over a year of trickle truth and I do not want to see you waste your time in what could be recovery just getting more trickle truth. Also, order and read Surviving an Affair, and get as much info off this website as you can in the meantime, this website has a lot of info for you to start using in your path to recovery. As well as knowledgeable vets to guide you.
My DDay was in 2010, I still have days where I cry a lot (yesterday) and ask questions about the A. I think there will be people on here who have been recovered for a decade who say that, although sparingly, they still shed tears over their WS's A. You are just a couple months into this and everything is fresh in your mind. You are and will be on an emotional rollercoaster for awhile. Just as you would with any traumatic event, which is exactly what this is. It took me a year to just get to the point where I could get enough control of my emotions to get on this forum and try and move forward. I too obsessed with OW and how I could destroy her life as she has mine. I still have fake FB accounts that I monitor OW on and am just about ready to let that go. (PS I wouldn't suggest these things as HEALTHY just saying I've been there) My point is, this is a traumatic experience in your life. You will be on an emotional rollercoaster and it will take TIME as well as a lot of hard work on your M to heal from this. That is normal, expected.