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Should I stop while I am in the process of exposing the affair or continue showing her my love for her. tc, I would focus on getting home and exposing the affair. She already knows you love her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, you said something about confronting the rat. I would assume you are talking about the OM. If so how would I go about doing that. I mean I'm about 90% sure he is the guy she is at least having an emotional affair with. She texted him for about an hour last night until 9:30 and then he was the first person she texted this morning.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I would find that POS after you move back in and tell him that hell is coming his way. Tell him that if this goes to divorce you will have him hauled into court.
Have you moved home and exposed the affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ITA with ML about telling him that if it goes to divorce, you'll have him in court. OMs are a cowardly bunch and don't like sunlight of that variety.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Not yet ML. I'm still working third shift also I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row so hat I will be ready for when she storms off and moves out if it comes to that. Right now I'm writing the exposure emails so they will be ready to go out. Also I'm trying to gather all the information that I will need by reading your posts and rereading mine. But don't worry D-Day for her(as I like to call it) is coming.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Hello totally,
You're position is in your home and I do not understand how you are going to be able to effectively carry out any kind of plan you are imagining by being out or your marital home! It seems you are too bent on 'catching her' and not directing your anger and efforts at killing the A. Your 'drive by's' your home to catch her are immature and a waste of time. What the hell would you really do if you saw his car there or had other evidence that he is there with her? How are you going to explain to your young kids why you are absent from your family?? How can you possibly meet her EN's or monitor her when you have abdicated your family home?
Sorry Melody, etc. etc., I do realize this guy is a well-intending H and a sensitive guy, but right now he needs a good Vince Lonbardi a#s kick to get home like NOW and reasuume his role as H and father!
Take charge totally,
Tom
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Tom you are exactly right. I probably do need that kick. Trust me in saying that I am going home and will expose the one affair that I know she had. The one that she admitted to. The one that is going on right now I'm not sure about but an affair is the only reason that pops in my head since she texted this guy at 12 midnight.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Do you have the exposure letters ready? Exposure Letters Samples
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am going to write it when I get off work in the morning using the samples in the link. This has been the most painful thing I have gone through in my life and just talking to everybody on this site has help out tremendously.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I am going to write it when I get off work in the morning using the samples in the link. This has been the most painful thing I have gone through in my life and just talking to everybody on this site has help out tremendously. We know (((( totally2confused)))) we've all been there. Dr. H talks on the radio show that he has counseled betrayed spouses that tell him that an affair is more painful than the loss of a child
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I just pray this works. She can be real stubborn sometimes. I guess the bright side will be at least I want look like the bad guy to everybody that doesn't know the truth and I think overall that will make me feel somewhat better.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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I just pray this works. She can be real stubborn sometimes. I guess the bright side will be at least I want look like the bad guy to everybody that doesn't know the truth and I think overall that will make me feel somewhat better. Yes it will make you feel better because you are telling the truth about her affairs not to "wrong" her but to help her. When someone is doing wrong they don't want the light to shine on them they want to hide in the dark. Read this Dr. Harley on Exposure
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This is my exposure letter, please let me know if there is anything I need to add, cut, or rephrase.
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Wife and I. As some of you know, Wife has recently told me she does not love me anymore and that our marriage was done, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, She has revealed to me that she had an affair back in June of last year. I do believe that the purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference. Wife has tried to claim that her affair began because I did not give her the romance and support she needed. As of right now I believe the affair is still going on in the way of an emotional affair and I believe this is what is causing her not to give us a chance to save our marriage. I believe in my heart that we can save our marriage if she would just give us the chance to do so.
As our friends, I am asking that you use your influence with Wife to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards,
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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This is my exposure letter, please let me know if there is anything I need to add, cut, or rephrase.
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Wife and I. As some of you know, Wife has recently told me she does not love me anymore and that our marriage was done, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, She has revealed to me that she had an affair back in June of last year. I do believe that the purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference. Wife has tried to claim that her affair began because I did not give her the romance and support she needed. As of right now I believe the affair is still going on in the way of an emotional affair and I believe this is what is causing her not to give us a chance to save our marriage. I believe in my heart that we can save our marriage if she would just give us the chance to do so.
As our friends, I am asking that you use your influence with Wife to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards, Looks excellent. Do you have the name of OM? If so I would put it in the letter. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with an old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. We are here for you T2T. I know it's scary but you will feel so much better.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 293
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I don't know the name of the OM she had the affair with in June, but I do have the name of the person I suspect she is having an emotional affair with. It could possibly be the same guy from the affair in June.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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tc, I worked this over a bit and deleted the ambiguity. Her affair is with the same guy, I assure you. And it is VERY unlikely it is just an EA. Women don't kick out their husbands over an EA. Even so, an EA is worse than a PA, but you don't need to get into that hair splitting debate with bystanders. Just keep it clean, simple and straightfoward with no ambiguity. Do you have info on the OM so you can blow up his world too? His mother might want to know he is having an affair with a married woman! This is my exposure letter, please let me know if there is anything I need to add, cut, or rephrase.
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Wife and I. You may be aware that Sally has recently asked me for a separation. I have since discovered that the reason for the separation is so that she can carry on her affair with Joe Blow without my interference. She has confessed her affair to me. I do believe that the purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference. Wife has tried to claim that her affair began because I did not give her the romance and support she needed.
WW continues her affair to this day according to my evidence. [s]As of right now I believe the affair is still going on in the way of an emotional affair and I believe this is what is causing her not to give us a chance to save our marriage. I believe in my heart that we can save our marriage if she would just end her affair and give us the chance to do so.
As our friends, I am asking that you use your influence with Wife to persuade her to end her affair to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards,
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Posts: 293
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Posts: 293 |
I don't know the mother of the OM but his sister is friends with him on facebook. This is what he wrote about himself on Facebook.
"I'm a man who has had his shares of ups and downs.God has truly opened my eyes to the things in life that truly matter. I am a man who loves his family. I have never been married and have no kids. I hope to get blessed with a family one day, but until that day comes I will be taking care of myself and putting Jesus Christ first in my life!!!!! I love the outdoors, animals and exercising. Other than that I consider myself a good man with a big heart!!"
Makes me sick....
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I don't know the mother of the OM but his sister is friends with him on facebook. This is what he wrote about himself on Facebook. I would copy and paste all of his contacts into a word doc for safekeeping. Can you find his mother on the sisters page?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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