Letty, I read the link and the advice was to get an attorney. And to get a job. My original plan (before the separation) was to take classes this summer, have the baby this fall, take the remaining classes this winter, and then pass the CNA exam so that I could go back to work by summer next year. I could probably borrow the money for the classes (it was only a couple hundred) and still go, but for now, no one is willing to hire a visibly pregnant woman for any position.

Logans_Run, Not any large amount. I've been borrowing from my parents on occasion to keep the kids in school when my husband doesn't pay his half. They've also been providing me with a car (husband left the one that doesn't run for me and the kids to use), and most of our food and bills. I doubt they'll give anymore especially since I wouldn't be able to begin repaying them for over a year. I'm not close with my brother (who has a new wife, house and baby on the way anyway) and the only other family I'm close with is my in-laws who aren't well off financially either.

OK, I didn't find much information about alimony or custody without a lawyer in my state (never mind trying to find a way to prevent my husband from blowing all the money he earns on booze and women), but I did just spend the last hour applying online for food stamps and family assistance (basically welfare/child care/job training/etc.). I figure even if they deny me that much, I can inquire on how to proceed money/custody wise on my own during the interview.

If nothing else, my in-laws spent years on welfare back when they first married and will lose their minds knowing that their son who makes over $100,000 a year has made it so his pregnant wife and daughters have to get government assistance because of his need to "party."

Ag, I'm sorry. I thought it would be more helpful than *that!*

There has got to be a way for you to get a court order without beggaring your children. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Will be thinking of you, and brainstorming. Keeps my mind off my own switch!

Well, this begs the question:

Why haven't you told them this?

Jennifer, make sure you tell them that your husband has left you destitute. What may happen is that they'll award you assistance and then go after him for child support on your behalf. That's the way it works in Texas anyway. You might also contact The United Way for help. They have lots of great programs!

Thanks, Letty. I appreciate anything anyone can come up with.

TigerWes, I exposed his affairs to his parents and believe I mentioned the money withholding, but can't be absolutely sure at this point. They do know that I filed for and still receive child support since 2010. I guess I never quite realized I should have been telling them more. Anytime I have exposed things in the past to them, my WH often mocks me for telling on him to his mommy, so I guess I had just gave them the bare minimum of details to avoid further conflict. Obviously, I need to just do it because while he claims they have no influence over him and often threatens them with withholding their grandchildren if they judge his choices, they are quite often my biggest supporters when it comes to what he does and my need to do what's best for me in the kids. I'll be sure to make sure they are aware.

princessmeggy, looking up The United Way now. Thanks for the suggestion. I plan on telling them exactly what's going on, cause you never know what they may be able to do or who they may be able to put me in contact with. At least I already get child support or we'd be totally out of luck right now. And to think, up until the day I kicked him out, my husband was trying to get me to cancel it claiming only then would he put me on his checking account. Considered it at the time, but I knew his track record and this ended up being the one thing I never fell for.

Jil, do full exposure. I know no one wants to - you're worried about the embarrassment, and that people will say its your fault, but really, it IS your best tool, and you will be pleasantly surprised. Honestly. Everyone needs to know the man is a chap liar who is faithless to his family. Dragging his behaviour into the light will help it dry up like a vampire.

Sorry, cheap!!

Please take care of you and your pregnancy, that's your priority.

Keep moving forward and you're doing fantastic with all things considered.
There has to be some sort of assistance for someone in your situation.

Will his parents put pressure on him?

Letty, That's my plan now and I'm actually happy about it. Perhaps it's a revenge tactic at this point rather than anything else, but I'm so sick of people thinking I'm doing great, that I wanted this too, and that he's a good guy who did the best he could to make it work.

I've wrote up a list of people to expose to (expanding much farther than I originally did) and I'm currently writing up a list of the OW (sadly, I need a list to keep them all straight). No idea how people managed to expose before Facebook, but I'd imagine there were way less affairs pre-facebook to expose. Once I get all the OW names together (because seriously at this point, I actually forget some of them) I'm going to finish up my exposure letter and post it here for critique.

I'm so sick of hiding like this is something I should be ashamed of.

You're right - its not YOUR shame.

Good that you'll post the letter here.

I don't like to add piles onto your already large pile, but were any of his OW married?

Also some clips on multiple affairs.
Radio clip on multiple affairs
Another radio clip

BrainHurts, That's my complete goal now. Any fantasy of recovery is very far on the back burner until I can deal with this current situation. Yet another revelation about lies and money and bars seems to have slapped me out of any denial I was in.

His parent have in the past. When I was pregnant in 2007, I told his mother all about his EA. She tore into him like a tornado (her first marriage was to a lying, cheating abusive man that took her years to escape from) and he seemed shamed enough to be good to his family for about a year and a half. I again told her what was going on with both women and money in 2010, she helped me out financially when she could and again attacked him. That time he threatened that she would never see her grandkids again if she didn't mind her own business. She's been less vocal since. This time, I went to his step-dad, who was supportive, said all the right things and said his mom would call me the next day. I haven't heard from them since and it's been about 6 weeks. I've tried explaining that his threats don't mean anything because I will always bring the kids over whenever they ask, but I think she's still fearful of him at this point.

BrainHurts, Not that I'm aware of. All of the women who I've learned about or who have confessed to me have all been single, my age or younger. About half with kids of their own, but not a one with even a boyfriend.

Listening to the clips now. Thanks.

He has already left the house correct and your preparing for Plan B?

Is your name still on the bank accounts? If so, can't you move money?

BrainHurts, Yes, he has left the house and I am preparing for Plan B.

My name has not been on any of his bank accounts in the last year. We had a joint account at my bank to make transfers from his to mine easier, but when his individual account was closed because he overdrew the account too often, the joint account was never used and I eventually closed to for fear of his being able to withdrawn from my account to that account. He then went to another bank, getting an account that was only in his name.

My potential letter to friends and family:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx and I have recently separated, which has shattered my heart. Numerous affairs, both sexual and emotional on xxxx�s part have led us to the point we are currently at. I was saddened to have discovered that in the past 2 years, he�s had sexual relationships with OW1 in March 2012, OW2 in the summer of 2011, and OW3 in the fall of 2010. He also lead OW4 to believe he was single and dating only her beginning in May of 2010 and is still actively pursuing her. He has also engaged in sexual text messaging with OW5, OW6 and OW7, all of which seemed delighted that I found out. OW7 is still in hourly contact with him. I believe desires this separation is so that he can carry on his affairs without my interference, as he continues to lie about both his involvement with these women to me and his involvement with me to them.

As many of you know, I am currently pregnant with our 3rd daughter together. I am beside myself with grief over the destruction of our family due to his infidelity. My children suffer as he uses their school money to fund his nights spent in bars trying to impress these and other women. He may brag about making over 100K a year, but my children and I have been forced to apply for food stamps and welfare. I want our marriage to recover from this, but that cannot be accomplished while he hides his actions, using many of you as cover when he is with them. I want to stay married, but this behavior must end. If you have any influence on my husband, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous activity, which could very well endanger my health and the health of our unborn child.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade him to end his party lifestyle and try to work on our marriage. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
Jennifer

Thoughts?