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Just found out the phone number belongs to OM.Apparently,OM told a friend of W that he just got a new number.I said I wanted to tell OMW about this but W said he never intended for her to call.I hate these evil friends of W.I asked her to cut them out but she is reluctant too.
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Just found out the phone number belongs to OM.Apparently,OM told a friend of W that he just got a new number.I said I wanted to tell OMW about this but W said he never intended for her to call.I hate these evil friends of W.I asked her to cut them out but she is reluctant too. Really? Well then what was the intent? Of course you need to expose this to OMW. Why are you discussing this with your own WW? Stop warning about exposure. You are only playing into their hands by giving them time to get their stories straight and spin the truth.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Exposure to the OMW has ended the affair....for now. Just until your WW could get his new number. Sorry xtremepain...they are trying to take it underground. The affair is not over. Keep your eyes on her. The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A
The carrot of Plan A
Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.
Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Just found out the phone number belongs to OM.Apparently,OM told a friend of W that he just got a new number.I said I wanted to tell OMW about this but W said he never intended for her to call.I hate these evil friends of W.I asked her to cut them out but she is reluctant too. Call OM's BW and let her know that your WW has his new number.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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W deleted his number and sent a message back to her friend asking her not to talk to her about the OM again.She told this wicked friend that she has been hurt and have caused so much pain to us but her evil friend still tried to pull her back in.She didnt tell me any of this.I found out by snooping.In a way,I am glad she did all this on her own.But she wasnt open and honest about everything.I confronted her and she said she didnt tell me becos she was able to handle it and didnt want me worried.
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W told me OM never asked her friend to tell my W.He simply got a new number,thats all.So I dont know if its any of my business to tell OMW.
W still visits OM's blog.
She said shes not sure if she could recommit to our marriage again.
Last edited by xtremepain; 04/11/12 01:31 PM.
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I confronted her and she said she didnt tell me becos she was able to handle it and didnt want me worried. Ah I see. She tells you are a baby not able to handle the truth and you are supposed to buy that? People never lie to protect others! Its always pure and simple to keep people ignorant. 'I didn't want to hurt you' is a wayward mantra. Makes lying easier. So I dont know if its any of my business to tell OMW. You'd want to know, wouldn't you? Tell her the story, tell her your wifes excuses, adding that of course you're not taking her word for anything and let her arm herself against the potential danger. She may know stuff too that you could do with hearing. W still visits OM's blog. Unacceptable and let her know it. She'll be retriggered each visit and will never withdraw this way. Is there any way you can stop the internet access until she is behaving or through withdrawal?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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She said shes not sure if she could recommit to our marriage again. OK. Here's my advice based on what yo share here on MB. Go see a divorce attorney. Find out exactly what your rights are. Specifically ask what you can do THIS WEEK to protect yourself financially. Then, do it. If it helps your case, file for divorce (or separation). Get all the data you need to make smart choices. Do not wait until the 11th hour and your WW has run amuk with the family finances to discover how to protect yourself. WW is in full-blown selfish mode. Never trust her to do the right thing. NOW is the time to take steps to protect yourself. Those steps do not mean you are ending efforts to save your M. But, you should not sacrifice your life on the alter of WW's bloated sense of "me me me".
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W told me OM never asked her friend to tell my W.He simply got a new number,thats all.So I dont know if its any of my business to tell OMW.
W still visits OM's blog.
She said shes not sure if she could recommit to our marriage again. Here's what happened: OMW told OM to end all contact. Being thoroughly busted and not wanting to lose his own wife, he got a new number to show her his commitment. Because he is a lying, nasty adulterer, he knew that your WW has a nasty, skanky 'friend' who might help him keep his connection with his OW (your WW.) He made his connection through your WW's skanky little friend (she needs to be deep-sixed immediately, by the way.) You should be calling his wife YESTERDAY to let her know what he is up to. There should be NO contact, direct or otherwise, from him.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Brainhurts,
W said the affair is over and she doesnt want to aggravate OMW becos she is a very unstable woman.W said its her skanky friends fault for giving her the number.OM never asked her to.OM got a new number becos his BW made him cut all contacts with the reunion group.So he secretly got a new # and gave it to W's friend who is part of the reunion group.
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Brainhurts,
W said the affair is over and she doesnt want to aggravate OMW becos she is a very unstable woman.W said its her skanky friends fault for giving her the number.OM never asked her to.OM got a new number becos his BW made him cut all contacts with the reunion group.So he secretly got a new # and gave it to W's friend who is part of the reunion group. And THAT'S why you have to tell OMW that your W has his new number and how she got it.
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Indiegirl,W promised she will not visit OMs blogs until withdrawal is over.I have trouble believing that.
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Pepperband,
I've taken some measures to protect myself somewhat.But its tricky since she is my biz partner.If i file for D or separation,wouldnt it be harder to save M if she decides to move out?I've read from other posts that W will come around when withdrawals is over in 3-6 weeks.Hard to believe that for me at the moment seeing how she is behaving.She said she has fallen out of love and prefers to be just biz partners/family.It was painful when she told me she is only staying for the biz even tho the affair is over.
Maritalbliss,
Her skanky evil friend is also a cheater,her BH left her with the kids becos she was trying to steal someone elses H!But my W is reluctant to cut her off.
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BB,my wife deleted his number immediately .She sent msg back to her fd asking her not to do that ever again.I found out by snooping.I confronted her and she told me she didnt tell me becos it had nothing to do with the OM.It was her friend who was trying to screw with her.W said she will be totally open and honest from now on.I still wanted to tell OMW but I couldnt handle another episode of W reacting to expo.It was like a scene from the Exorcist.
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I still wanted to tell OMW but I couldnt handle another episode of W reacting to expo.It was like a scene from the Exorcist. If your WW is actually serious about what she's saying, then she won't give two rips about you telling the OMW. However, if she does react like she did before then you'll know she's been BSing you the entire time and had no intentions of ending contact with OM. Besides, OMW has a right to know what her WH has tried to pull. How would you like it if she had knowledge of your WW trying to make contact and didn't tell you about it?
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Altho I am skeptical at times,I do believe W has no intentions to make contact with OM this time becos I snooped and saw the deleted msgs proofing W's innocence.W is in great fear becos OMW is a very unstable woman who would do anything to keep her H(OM) by her side.Thats why W didnt want to aggravate her.OM could easily say that he has no intention to make contact and its not any of our business that he has gotten a new number.Even her amoral shameless friend said it was her idea and not the OMs to give her the number .
Last edited by xtremepain; 04/12/12 11:59 AM.
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Has she had anymore to drink? Have you read what Dr. H says about addicts who keep slipping back? Radio clip on alcoholic who keeps slipping So you will not call the OM's BW about the new number? You don't want the extra eyes to help make sure there's true NC? Will your WW write a NC letter? Did you secure up your financial business ties?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Xtreme,
Take it from someone who lived through countless false recoveries, you have to assume they have not cut off contact. My XH and his OW were great at playing the game and finding alternative routes of communication. It doesn't matter if your wife deleted everything. Like Tiger said, if your WW flies off the handle, it means she's not serious about recovery and is hiding continued contact. Also, if the tables were turned wouldn't you want to know your W wasn't abiding by no contact? OMW needs to know that he has given his new number out to people in the Reunion group because that will help YOU keep him away from your WW...and yes, she is WW because she hasn't yet earned the FWW.
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BH,
She promised she wont drink again and she hasnt been drinking since that crazy night.WW wrote a NC letter and asked her skanky friend to post in on the reunion fb but she keeps saying she will but has not so far.WW couldnt post becos she deactivated her fb and she has no other ways to contact OM.OM also closed down his fb but he would reopen it from time to time.I have made some arrangements in business to protect myself to a certain extent.I am unsure about calling OMW this time.OMW hates my guts for exposing to her friends.She is very distressed and embarrassed from me airing their dirty laundry.
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I think you still need to inform her of the new information that her WH has done and that your WW was giving his new number.
You can't control OM's BW's reaction but YOU can do the right thing to continue to fight this affair and fight for your M.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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