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I just ran into a problem MelodyLane. I was doing some snooping on the page of the alleged OM. Come to find out he can't be the guy from the affair back in June because I just found out he was in prison for 2nd degree burglary. He didn't get out until February of this year. Now I do believe he is possibly the EA since he texted my WW at two am this morning and she answered him back and talked for eleven minutes. Then when she woke up this morning he was the first person she texted. Does this change my stratagy any?
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Stop your exposure? Nope.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Do I need to reword it from what MelodyLane changed it to?
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Do I need to reword it from what MelodyLane changed it to? I didn't see where ML put the name in? Am I missing it? It just means she has 2 OM. You can add that or not. Just get it sent out? You doing this now?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Alright guys and gals it hasn't been a very good day. Spent some time with the kids while they were with her parents because she is visiting a girlfriend from college. I just couldn't be happy knowing my kids don't know what is going on and my WW thinks they will be happy with the way she is doing things. I just don't know if I could ever be happy knowing there is a possibility that I will have to watch my kids grow up in pictures. It has just been a very rough day not to mention I haven't gotten much sleep over the past few days.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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t2c, how is the plan coming along? The longer you are out the harder this is going to be to save. What exactly are you waiting for?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MelodyLane, did you read my earlier post where I found out the guy she is talking with now cannot be the guy she had the affair with back in June. I was doing some snooping through the guy she is talking with now Facebook page and found out he.didn't get out of jail until February. I then did some more snooping and found out he was in jail from 2010 to 2012 for 2nd degree burglary. Do I need to reword.the exposure letter that you fixed in light of this new discovery.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Yes, just reword it to say she is having an affair with this guy. When will you be moving home?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I will be moving home Monday since I am off. I want to be prepared in case she tries to take the kids. This will also be the day I send out all the letters. My parents already know but I am going to send one to them so they can keep it in case I need it for court or something. She thinks I'm going to sit by and watch her.leave and not put up a fight. She thinks she will get the kids because of my work schedule but what she doesn't realize is that I am preparing to step down if need be to be able to win custody of my kids if it comes down to that. My kids are my everything and nobody will take that away from me no matter how bad they want to be.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I don't know the mother of the OM but his sister is friends with him on facebook. This is what he wrote about himself on Facebook.
"I'm a man who has had his shares of ups and downs.God has truly opened my eyes to the things in life that truly matter. I am a man who loves his family. I have never been married and have no kids. I hope to get blessed with a family one day, but until that day comes I will be taking care of myself and putting Jesus Christ first in my life!!!!! I love the outdoors, animals and exercising. Other than that I consider myself a good man with a big heart!!"
Makes me sick.... Wow - get his FB friends copied into a Word doc and be ready to expose him on FB. He's trying to hold himself up as a Good Christian Man. Exposing to his FB friends will be humiliating for him.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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So you move back the 16th and you expose the 16th?
Pulling for you, T2C.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I will be moving home Monday since I am off. Awesome! And you are prepared for her to go stark raving crazy, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think I am prepare, any pointers on what to do when she goes beserk.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I think I am prepare, any pointers on what to do when she goes beserk. Don't burst out laughing! If you feel like laughing, go to the bathroom and shut the door. Just prepare yourself and don't allow yourself to get dragged into a fight. And dont give into her threats. You know she will make threats, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Stay calm and collected. Do not allow her to draw you into an argument. Let her know that you were wrong to leave your home and you're back to take care of your home and family. Repeat as necessary. She'll blow. Because without you in the house she's been able to carry on her affair without having to whisper on the phone or sneak into the bathroom to talk to OM. She's been able to deceive herself that she's a swingin' single gal. Your reappearance is going to bring a dose of reality that she's not going to appreciate, poor little wayward  If you're going home at dinner-time, I would suggest that you get carryout from her favorite to-go place. Take food with you and start getting the plates ready as soon as you get there. Be calm, be in control, be the Man of the House. Let her know that you are Home. And that you're NOT LEAVING.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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[=pepperband]
Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Exposure makes the infidel furious
stay calm breathe
no one can stay furious forever ... being furious is exhausting ... consumes a lot of energy ... let the furious infidel fume and exhaust his/her self
YOU stay cool
You will hear:
"That's it. We are never going to stay married after what YOU did." "I am moving out now, thanks to you." "You are getting OP in trouble at home." "Now our kids will havea broken homethanksto you."
blah blah blah
You respond to all the raging comments: I am still holding out hope for our marriage.
You stay calm
You don't argue
You don't explain
You do not preach
You do not educate
~and~ you do NOT apologize forstanding up fortruth and marriageand keeping your family intact
YOU calmly re-stateyour belief thatthere is hope for the marriage....
if things get out of hand ...excuse yourself and go for a walk or a drive ...
remember ...exposuremakesthealready foggy spouse act insane ... but it is
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 293
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 293 |
Funny thing is Brainhurts, she has already said some of those things. She was going to move out the second time but told me I would have to pay the mortgage by myself because she would have to pay for the apartment. I didn't realize that she would still have to pay half of the mortgage and the apartment until MelodyLane told me. I mean she wants it to be over but she hasn't filed any papers yet and our pictures are still in the house.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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totally,
I am happy for you - you are doing great!
Steel yourself before your return home to deflect a great deal of reaction and abuse from her. Instead of bringing in take home, bring in a bag or two of groceries to calmly prepare a great supper. Just remember to stay calm, not engage her in anger, duck, dodge, dance and escape the 'pocket' like an Aaron Rodgers! You are reclaimning what is rightfully yours.
Best to you,
Tom
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Funny thing is Brainhurts, she has already said some of those things. She was going to move out the second time but told me I would have to pay the mortgage by myself because she would have to pay for the apartment. I didn't realize that she would still have to pay half of the mortgage and the apartment until MelodyLane told me. I mean she wants it to be over but she hasn't filed any papers yet and our pictures are still in the house. Yup that's correct. If her name is on the house she is responsible for half. Stay strong and know you are doing the right thing.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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