Thank you all... Yes, I need a Plan. I'm having dinner now and going to think it over. I agree this is going to tear me apart...

Yes, it will. Right now you have made a choice to break Plan B. You can only control your actions, just as WH is in control of remaining wayward or committing to recovery. And whilst we can offer you encouragement to follow the plans, only you can implement them.

Thing is starfish, I have recently been in Plan C. Breaks in my Plan B, even without direct contact with WH, made me see just how beneficial Plan B is. Yes it hurts at first. But Plan C hurts more. I have had enough time in a dark Plan B to recognise what Plan C has done to my recovery. If I had experienced the cracks in Plan B in the early days as you have done, I never would have been able to get through withdrawal.

The past week I have had my fill of Plan C. I am returning to the peace and calm of my Plan B. Its lovely.

Plan FU is Plan 'shooturselfinthefoot'

It is the traditional, emotion based plan of most betrayed spouses.

It is not the best plan.

You let your emotions break your plan B and now you are all bouncing here and there and allowing the H to run the show.

Just be nice when you do talk to him but try to re-implement plan B, turn heel and walk away.

If he ever truly wants you. Deep down where it counts, he will find his way to try to do what he must do. Otherwise, just set him free and continue onward.

If you don't do this. You will have years of thinking you are getting somewhere and you won't be.

How do I get myself back into Plan B?

Last letter I received from him as a reminder. Should I respond or send another letter before going back into Plan B?

BW,

I apologize for my part in creating an environment as well that lead to the emotional affair, and the one night affair that as pulled us apart and created this mess were both in. �I have apologized over and over again, I have done everything you have asked, and I have asked for forgiveness so that we can both move forward in rebuilding our marriage. �You�re a good person and a good soul, and you did not deserve this.
�
It appears that were at a cross roads though. �It seems there is no way for you to get around this polygraph testing. �Remember I already did it once per your request. �Actually, I have done everything you have asked, including STD testing. �I think I have showed you that I want to continue this marriage and work on rebuilding our future. �Unfortunately for me and us you don�t believe me, and you want a passing polygraph test to prove that. �Again I have taken one already and I failed it, but I�m ok with that, and I have always been ok with that, because I know I told the truth. �If I took another one and failed again, I�d be ok with that too. �If I took 20 of them and failed them all, then again I�m ok with it. �I know that I answered the tester�s questions truthfully, regardless of how it turned out.
�
You ask why I�m scared to lose you? �It�s because I realize no matter what I do; that risk of losing you is a real reality. �If I don�t take another polygraph test I�ll probably lose you, and if I do, and fail again, then I for surely will lose you, because I know how strongly you feel about me passing one. �I�m damned if I do, and I�m damned if don�t. �I have no faith in the polygraph testing, because I failed while telling the truth, so I�m not going to take that risk of failing again and watching us take 10 steps backwards and for sure doom any future we could possibly have. �At least if I refuse to take another one I have that slim chance that you will possibly believe that what I have told you is the truth. �Either way I�m scared as hell to lose you forever, but I have made my decision, and that is the decision I will have to live with the rest of my life.
�
No matter what happens from here I will always love you, and you will always have a piece of my heart.

I love you,
WH

WH just sent me the following text:

What are you doing today? Are you interested in meeting up for brunch or lunch some where?

Or dinner later in the evening?


Seriously??? I didn't hear from him all day yesterday (his birthday), except for the call I made to him yesterday morning to wish him a happy birthday.

Blah blah blah....im not taking am another poly...blah blah blah...believe me, i told the truth and still failed.....blah blah blah....i have apologized but have yet to show in actions....blah blah blah....

Go plan b...

SF...so he didnt spend his birthday with you....it was with OW.....go plan b....

He thinks youre fine with his cake eating. He also thinks you cant manage to stay away from him forever. Waywards dont acknowledge Plan FU. If you turn them down, they just spend the time with OW and plan to catch up with you later.

Go dark.

Change all contact details, remove all triggers and let your IM handle all contact. Id get your financial advice done beforehand too.

It will help you stay dark if you cant see his emails etc.

I'd get your preparation done, then send him an email from your old account (right before you close it down, so he cant reply)
Something like "When you are ready to pass the polygraph, please inform my IM. I love you and want to save our marriage with the truth in the open. It is too painful to be in direct contact while you continue to lie."

He spent the day on the boat with mutual friends. He went to a local restaurant/bar last night with his roommate, I assume. It's his roommates local hang-out.

How should I respond to his text messages or should I not even respond?

Dont bother responding to those texts.


You need to get into Plan B soon. How quickly can you make the necessary arrangements?

I'm not sure... I can't do a legal separation here.

Talk with a lawyer about how to get support paid regularly without filing for divorce. If that absolutely isn't possible, then I'd file for divorce and add this to your Plan B letter:

The only reason I am filing for divorce this time, is because of the financial moves you made last time I tried to protect myself emotionally from the pain your persistent lies have brought into my life. You have the power to stop this; and if you so desire to do so, please contact I/M.

Yes, good advice from KA there.

The fact that he left your plan b letter in his pocket and let it go through the wash is a sign of his entitlement. He's not taking you seriously AT ALL.

He's a charmer. He uses charm at work to sell stuff and not tell the truth. He uses charm on other women to flirt and who knows what. And he rides on this charm with you, knowing you won't be able to resist. You proved his ability to charm by breaking plan b.

I know my posts sound harsh but that's because I understand the wayward mind, having lived it in my own EA. We waywards get so high on everyone wanting and desiring us that we drink our own coolaid and think we're the cat's meow.

He needs to know how serious you are and that he can't charm his way out of the serious situation he created by cheating on you with who knows how many women.

You broke plan b because you weren't ready to face the feelings of what's happening here and the potential that this might be ending. When you were in plan a, you were active and plan b might be more reflective. Don't put it off.

He's out there celebrating his birthday? HELL NO. He should be doing everything he can to make things right. Waywards are absurd in our ability to think it's all about us and everyone should be so lucky to have a drop of our attention.

Disgusting.

I agree Zibbles, but we cant assume he is telling the truth about that.

It could also simply be a ruse to convince Starfish 'Hey I care so little for your Plan B that ITS NOT GONNA WORK ON ME'

He's quite good at bluffing.

I'm going to work on getting back into my plan b. Is it really necessary that I see an attorney right now or can it wait until after I'm in my plan, if needed? I'm not ready to file for a divorce.

He is calling me and texting me to let him know that I'm ok. He also tried calling my mom and sister and they aren't answering his calls.

I'm still not responding...

I waited until I was in my plan and did it a week or so after 'going dark'. I would say do get teh advice sooner rather than later if you can, because it will reassure you ( I have the feeling it was one of the reasons which tempted you to break your plan).

However if you think you can manage to stay dark and get financial advice later, then do that. You know your temptation levels best.

Changing your contact details first, so he cant email you etc, is VERY important though.