WW27,

Stop it.



Come on now...listen to JL.

Thanks!

Papers are going to be filed early next spring. He will not sign the papers until I help him get another visa to stay here...good thing is that divorce here takes less than a day for it to be final. I cannot file back home as neither of us have lived there for a year straight and neither of us are returning there the next year or two.

I do not see him anymore, we communicate by email or text message for simple things such as rent. I am dropping off his rent money at a friend's place. So contact is minimal and just the way I like it.

I had to tell him to quit it last week though, as he decided to give me 20 questions of who I was with and what was I doing which sounds bad but is no longer any of his business.

I am making new friends and doing lots of sightseeing and what not. I am focused on my life plans and as bad as this sounds too, I know even if he wanted to work on the marriage I would no longer want to after trying for so long and being rejected and blamed for everything. I tried all that I could with MB, EP's, O and H, etc.

Good girl. (I don't post to you, but read all about you like many threads.)

I am proud of you, WW27, as I could be your parent 2x in years.

You go, girlie. You rock! You know, if this doesn't work (keep at it?), you know what you have learned, and you are so young...you're going to be just fine.

Hells bells, don't forget what you've learned here. Ever.

I will remember what I learn here:)

However, stbx thought he could show up on my doorstep seeking SF. I turned him away for many reasons, first of all we are done and over, second of all he was pissed drunk! I do not want he was thinking, I probably do not want to know.

The next day when he was sober I had to tell him to not show up on my doorstep and especially drunk looking for sex. That there was a reason we were keeping minimal contact. He has a girlfriend now who he wants to marry, and wants to have kids with. What on earth are you doing showing up on my doorstep?? (sorry rant) Even with all of this, he will not sign the papers till late winter.

WW27, can't you get the divorce without his signature? I would divorce him ASAP and cut him out of your life. He is a user and an abuser.

And what do you mean you "dropped off rent money?" Are you giving him money??

No I cannot unfortunately. I cannot divorce back home cause I have not lived there for several years and they will not let me file there unless I live there for a year ( I am not returning for 2 years).

The country I am living in takes less than a day for it to be final, in and out just like that. But he has to be present:(

Since we have been married I have been working and supporting us. He was going to sue for ailmony. So I ended up paying for rent here which is $250USD. I figured that got him out of my hair.

WW27, I would stop paying him ANYTHING. Make him take you to court!! He has no money. Are you saying you can't divorce him in this country unless he is there? Why can't you get divorced without him?

I would strongly urge you to go into Plan B. Chop it up to ONLY say: do not contact me PERIOD. Cut this guy out of your life, WW27. Get your divorce and stop giving this user your money.

He has no intention of signing them then either. He is going to drag this out as long as possible so he can continue to USE you. You are his Sugar Momma. I would stop giving him a motivation to use and abuse you. Cut that jerk off!

I really cannot divorce without him. I just went and re-read the information. He has to be present and willing before they grant a divorce. I cannot go alone. Here are the things I have to bring, my passport, his passport, he has to show up and agree, and a translation of our marriage certificate to the official language here. The divorce here seriously costs like $50USD and takes under a day once the judge sees you and asks a few questions. But he has to be present and if he will not go, nothing I can do about it:(

But yes, I really need a kick in the [censored]. I have been told Plan B and I have done fully gone dark because I felt sorry for him for some unknown reason.

I can tell you this, I am not bothered by him and his relationship with gf or anything. I could care less, just pissed me off he thought he could come by SF. I have no love towards him, I do not hate him but I am glad I have started a new life and it is going well.

Well here is the stupid and tricky thing I agreed to along time ago. I would help him get his visa to extend his stay till 2013 which is why he will not sign the papers. He thinks that if he signs the paper I will not help with the visa. However, if he does not sign it late winter, I am reporting him to immigrations...

What can't you report him to immigrations now? It seems like you have all the leverage here yet he controls you.

I would but he would not sign the papers ever. He has dual citizenship in canada and the us. We married in canada. So if he marries ow...he wpuld juat avoid canada
I just wamt the papers...I cannot start dating without them....I know that sounds funny from a fww.

But if he is deported, wouldn't you be able to get a divorce?

Why don't you tell him he goes for the divorce or you have him deported?

If he is deported, he can still re-enter as a tourist. In addition, they will not grant me the divorce without him present. And if he does not return to Canada I cannot get my divorce either.

I tried to tell him I could get him deported, unfortunately I know him well enough if I actually did get him deported then I would not get my papers and be stuck being legally married to him.

(Don't get me wrong, I used to be in love with him, I made a huge, huge, terrible mistake, but I am not going to spend the rest of my life paying for that mistake after I tried to recover the marriage and it ended like this).

Quick update as I have not been around for a while. I am officially divorced. It took 3 minutes, no joke...and $20.

So I am divorced. My friends and I went out to celebrate weeks later. I have started dating but nothing serious as it is just for fun and to see what is out there now that I am single.

I know how to make a marriage work and would like to be married in the future but not now or anytime soon. I am working on my life and getting the career I wanted started. I am also doing a bit of traveling as well:) So life is good, just getting myself together and planning for the future:)

WW27, thanks for the update. I often wondered and worried about you. Divorce was the definition of success in your case. Good for you!

WW27, thank you for the update. I saw your post earlier in the week and didn't get a chance to respond. I am glad you are doing well in your personal recovery, and Mel is right about success in your case. It takes two willing spouses to recover from an A...I've just taken much longer to learn that than you did. Don't be a stranger, 'kay?

OH wow...just wow.
Talked to a friend today, my ex is married again (did it shortly after we separated). He married the OP and she is now three months pregnant. She is younger than me and freshly graduated. What a shocker...I am glad I am not her as I believe he was cheating on her and will continue to do so if the opportunity arises.

I agree he is not good marriage material. Just glad you are out of that mess!