Give that doc a box of cookies or something, she sounds AMAZING. And take care of you! I know how it is to get weepy at the docs. I did myself when asking about STD testing. There's something about a good bedside manner, privacy and confidentiality that just makes you unravel. Hugs,



You will feel so much better when you are completely dark.

Is there any real need to have the damn thing near you at all right now?

Why don't you go out get a cheapie phone just as a stop gap, leave your other phone with someone trustworthy to babysit it for a few days. Then they can tell you if you get any important calls while you're sorting your new number out.

I don't think its worth the stress, do you?

About the pregnancy. I was extremely sick with hyperemesis in one of my pregnancies. I was often able to keep things like milkshakes and protein drinks down, however. Whatever sounds good, go for it, even it might not sound the healthiest. You're looking for calories here.

Also, try to stay hydrated. Keep your favorite liquids with you all the time. I'm especially concerned due to your low BP issues. Dehydration can make that worse.

The easiest way to not be notified when your WH tries to contact you is to change your number.

I like the advice from your Dr about eating whenever you feel the baby kick. Hopefully that will get you eating a bit more. You need to take extra good care of yourself.

Stay dark. You'll feel much better soon.

Can't afford any type of new phone, but it shouldn't be a problem long term seeing that I haven't been able to pay my last 3 bills. They should be shutting the thing off any time now. I'll just start having to give out the house phone number and actually start answering it when it rings. WH has the number, but never thinks to call it, so that may work until I figure something else out.

Good advice. I am always borderline dehydrated, which I really should pay more attention to. I never knew it could complicate the low blood pressure.

Calories are definitely not an issue now. Which is wonderful, since the only thing I seem to be willing to eat is candy bars.

I just checked their website and I can change the number free (yay) but I need to be current on my bill (boo). That can be taken care of as soon as my tax refund gets here, so I continue to stalk the mailbox.

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I feel that someone is talking about me on Facebook. Posting statuses about how calling people out through Facebook is pathetic. Defaming people's character. Completely bankrupt of character, class, and maturity.

Vague enough it could be anyone, but this is a person who got the exposure letter. His friend more than mine. One of the many who don't seem to think his lifestyle is a problem.

I'd just block him and forget about it, except it feels like a reaction due to shame. I'm not ashamed of exposing my WH. I'm ashamed that I married someone who made that step necessary. I'm ashamed that people who I thought were friends and family, that cared about me and my kids, would rather disregard his actions and not rock the boat. I feel shame for many things, but not for this.

I got a few of those messages as well. While I can't imagine what you must be going through emotionally with your pregnancy, I can tell you that I felt the same way. Being that most people that wrote to me were Non-comissoned officers, I simply replied with a few quotes from the Enlisted Force Structure about how it was their duty to "Be mindful of, and correct any adverse morale trends." Nothing effects morale like an affair.

It's probably best to just block them and say nothing. You already know it's best not to have these people in your life anymore.

I'd agree with that. These days, people have such short attention spans with regards to things that next week they'll have moved on to something else.

If you must respond, just say you're sorry to hear that they support your husband's adultery and then disengage. They don't give a damn and nothing you say will change that.

I'd block him because, hey you've got boundaries, and having male friends on your FB, who could be harmful to your marriage, shouldn't be done. And if he is talking about you, who cares? And if he thinks that you are being immature by removing him from FB, who cares? I deleted a lot of friends in my PB purge. I even made my profile so only friends could see most things. It's best for you.

So many people nowadays, worry about offending people by de-friending them on FB, or not accepting a friend request, don't let it bother you.

Jen you really dont need people like that in your life!

Why do you think he cares so much? He's one of the creepy crawlies from underneath the rock you turned over. THATS why he cares. Not because he's some awesome friend. People will catch on to him now, based on the company he keeps.

When I exposed, the OW and the people who knew about their affair went all over town with their 'damage control' PR cover up. Lies and slander about me, of course were the order of the day.

Did I care? Nope. I work as a reporter and I know that when youve forced a huge PR cover up, it means you've done a great job. I loved the fact that OW had to shlep all over town telling stories to people who didnt believe her one bit.

Just unfriend and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

At least when you had something to say, you werent too chicken to not use names and address your message directly

Its a vague, open message becaue the guy is a coward who couldnt defend himself properly if he was challenged.




Youll find yourelf unfriending many people over the next few months. Infidelity makes you very picky about people's characters.

Hes not special. He's just the first of many who will go.

Unfriend and forget about him.

Oh I should mention, that of the lies they told about me, the BEST was that I had 'stalked' the OW.

Amatuers.

You shouldn't be ashamed. You should hold you're head high for doing the right thing and standing up against infidelity.

You've been a MB warrioress!!!

Done.



Thanks, but I'm not feeling very warrioress-like right now.

WH must have read the letter since he picked them up and dropped them off on time. I called the school to make sure they were picked up and apparently there wasn't a problem.

The kids came home and were just awful. The 3 year old had a complete meltdown over an ice pop. The 4 year old's was caused by bubbles. I'm pretty sure that's not what either was actually about.

Finally got them calmed down and into bed. Not sleeping, but not screaming either, so it's a step in the right direction.

Now I'm all out of sorts. Did good all day. Kept myself busy with super fun housework while the kids were with him. Now I'm all shaky. Why isn't he more upset? Why didn't he meet my requirements instantly? Crazy, I know.

I'm trying to Plan B for me, but it just isn't sinking in yet. I'm still in the mindset that he needs to do what I want now or I need to be over this immediately. I'm not even a big instant gratification person.

It takes time. Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. Here I am, more than 2 YEARS into PB, and sometimes, very rarely, I have these thoughts as well. It gets better. Just stick to the plan.

The kids are going to act out. They are in pain. What you need to do is Plan A them. That's what Pep told me to do when I first entered PB, and it was amazing. Carrot and stick though, don't forget. You aren't going into Plan Doormat. Set up routines, it is more important now than in any time in their lives. You'll do great.

Jennifer, you're doing great, and an inspiration!

I was pregnant during the end of my first marriage due to my husband's infidelity. It was excruciating. Some of the things that really helped me out were buying baby things, just a few, and holding and cuddling those tiny outfits to remember the special being that I cherished. Also, during labor, I got through by making a mantra to myself, "I'm doing this in spite of him!" It was really helpful to keep myself strong and focused on my power. You have all that power in you, too, and you'll do great, and you'll provide for your children, and you will be a safe haven for them.

Why are they acting out with you? Because they feel safe with you. They know you love them completely, and that they can count on you. They know you will be there with them, through good times and bad. That's why they can let out all of their pent up emotions. Maybe it would help to get some books for them about families going through divorce, just so they can realize that sometimes mommies and daddies live in different houses. But I agree with the previous poster, don't put words in to your wayward husbands mouth. Also, be honest with them, even at that age, in ways that they will understand. I didn't have marriage builders during my first marriage, and made the huge mistake that is often suggested and blamed him moving out and our divorce when talking to my very bright 2 year old as "mommy and daddy were fighting and not getting along, so we are living apart so we won't fight." She kept asking and asking, and it tore me up to have lied to her, and eventually I realized it was hurting us both so I told her the truth, that her dad was with another woman, and that he wanted to live with her, and that we would be okay by ourselves but that he was making his own choices. It lifted a ton of pressure off of us both, to have the truth out there. Even at 2, she needed that truth. So that might be another thing your children need from you at this point. Oh, finally, another trick that got me through tough times as a single mom to two little girls...do what makes you all happy at the moment. Sometimes we would have tough days, and you know what? Ice cream for dinner! Or sleepover in mom's bed! Bubble bath! Lots of indulgences for them were indulgences for us all and without the social pressure of pleasing a husband, it added spontaneity and fun to our lives when we needed it the most.

Sorry to post so long, I just wanted to reach out and encourage you, having been in that tough spot myself. I was without MB, and things would likely have been different if I had had it, but you have this great program that will lead you on to a better life. Whether that includes your husband or not, it will be a better life either way. Take care, and bless you and your munchkins.

Cause he's crazy, Jen.

I am not big on patience either and my early Plan B days were similar to what you are feeling now. But then that settles down and you start concentrating on you and your own life.

He's not going to change his entire personality and lifestyle in a few weeks or even months. He may never do it. Crazy.

I think my big problem right now, mentally at least, is fear of the unknown. I don't even mean fear of being alone, or fear of him not coming back.

I mean the fear of not even knowing if he's going to do what he's supposed to with the kids. Like yesterday, instead of just knowing the kids were taken care of until he was supposed to drop them off, I had to sit around, call the school, confirm they were picked up and then wait to hear if had dropped them off early. Since he never bothered to let the IM know he's read the letter and could make it.

He's supposed to have the kids this weekend. He had never taken them for a full weekend. He's the guy with excuses. So now I wait. Do I tell the kids he's coming? Do I get a bag ready for them? Do I make plans without the kids? It's like I'm still paralyzed, always having to be concerned about what his plans are. Because he hasn't just told the IM he's going to show up. So I don't do anything else except wait and worry.

Hmm. The unknown.

Ill defer to those with practical experience of Plan Bing with kids, but I would say the way to do it is to KNOW waywards are untrustworthy.

Know that they may let you down at any given point.

Know that you are simply giving them chances to spend time with the kids. Dont assume they will make good use of those chances.

Know that you have a back up plan, if he does let you down.

It's not easy to wonder about if he will do what is expected, especially the first few times. It'll get easier. I would suggest that you make plans that are more fluid, so if he doesn't come and get them, you can change what you've got going on.

It was suggested to me that I NOT send anything with the kiddos when they went with my WH. He needs to provide them with clothing, toys, etc. I would suggest that for you as well.