I read that in the parallel parenting link and wanted to do that. It would certainly make things easier for me. Of course, I feel bad not warning him that the children aren't coming with all their stuff. But that's been my issue all along - feeling bad. He'll just have to deal.

There are retail stores in your area, right? You packing things for the kids would be meeting an EN. He'll manage.

I think I've heard you say in the past Scot that you won't do this because you're not a team any more. Part of the reality of his choice is losing the FC need you used to provide. Not supporting him or making his choices to be a weekend dad easy and fun etc.

And now I'm back in anger. My mother called (surprised she got through since they turned off my phone for unpaid bills) to double check what time I needed her today and Sunday for drop off and pick up. I told her 6pm, but if he hadn't shown by 6:30, we'd just assume he wasn't coming.

Being that my WH works for my father, my mother always has way too much information. She starts going on about how he has no excuse not to show up. That he took vacation days months ago for this weekend. (I had forgotten about that) He told work we were going away for his birthday. (Was never mentioned to me) I just kept telling her I know nothing about this. All I know is we are going to have the kids ready at 6 and if he doesn't show by 6:30, I've got the kids for the weekend.

Of course, I'm all raging internally. He told me to my face for the past week that he was working this weekend. That he was wanted to see me and the kids as much as possible, so he'd come here right after work each day and stay until he had to leave to go to bed for work the next day. I am just so sickened by this entire mess. I really don't need to continue to find out just how much he was lying to me and carrying on another life when I though he was sleeping or working.

And worse, in my mind anyway, is after this fun revelation, I had the uncontrollable need to look up OW1 Facebook profile. I'm blocked now. Why else would I suddenly be blocked unless he was still in active contact with her and needed to hide their activities from me? So now I'm all concerned that Plan B is pushing him to be even further involved with these other women. I shouldn't have looked at all and I know that. And trust me, I regret it. Now I have all new concerns. I just feel like I'm never going to get out of this horrible place that is right now.

You're not in Plan B if he has said things to your face in the last week.

She started Plan B on 4-18-12.

Plan B only started Wednesday night. These things were said up until that moment. I haven't seen nor spoken to him in any way since I handed over the PBL.

Gotcha! Sorry! Did you let your mom know to hush it about WH? I would think with a mom, you could say it nicely once, then stick your fingers in your ears and say, "Blah blah blah, can't hear you!"

Would your father let him go from work? I mean, no contact is no contact...

I've tried to tell her, but she's "helping." That's why I've just resorted to saying "I know nothing about this" again and again in the hopes that she eventually realizes I'm not going to engage in these conversations. I fear she believes that if she just keeps telling me things, I've get over him. She doesn't seem to get that I start getting over it when I don't think about him. Those moments are easier for me to focus on me. Anything that brings the attention back on him, brings me right back to the hurt.



It was so close. The board held a meeting to decide whether to let him go or not on Tuesday (yet another tidbit from mom) and they decided to give him one more chance. I want him to lose the job because the only reason they've kept him for so long with all his screw ups is because of my father, loyalty to him knowing that his daughter is pregnant and needs the health insurance. I do need the health insurance, but I would rather get whatever I could through the state than have him continue to benefit from his relationship with me. If I wasn't pregnant, he would have already been fired. I can only hope they'll fire him after I have the baby.

If your father is WH's lifeline to the job, would it not be vital to have the discussion with your father about how you feel about WH's benefiting from his marriage to you at the same time that he's destroying it?

I have had that conversation. My father would like nothing more than to have his company fire my WH. But since my husband is union, a board needs to approve the firing and present the evidence to the union so they do not dispute it. The board has the evidence it needs. The union has already been warned and has stated it will not fight his dismissal. My father is not on the board, but has spoken to some of his long-time friends and associates about his (and my) desire for my WH to be fired. And yet - they continue to keep him on as a favor to us (believing we are hurt and not rationally thinking of what will happen once he is fired). No matter how much they are told that his undeserved income finances his unacceptable lifestyle and that I can find a way to survive without the health insurance, a group of old men refuse to see that I know what's best for me and the kids.

Your mother needs to understand she cannot even say his name to you.

If she doesn't, get a sandwich board and a bell.

Every mention of him is a trigger, which will cause you to be tempted to break Plan B.

Et voila:



Its not your business now because you've drawn your line in the sand and told him what you will do unless he is proven sincere.

Besides which, what do you expect an addict to do, when given pure freedom for the first time? Meditation in between bible study classes? He cheated when with you, what's different now? They go get high, that's what.

This is the fine art of letting him hit rock bottom and seeing how he likes it. He now has no words of wisdom, no care, no attention, no life. Just whores.

That was a fine, fun sideline when you kept his life in order, but now he's going to end up in the gutter.

It takes time though! Plan B takes time!

Affairland is a SLOW descent into hell.

.

The whole point of exposure and Plan B is that the wayward loses all support and thus hits rock bottom. I'd let this be known to your dad. Just get whatever advice you can re his savings/assets etc and get whatever support you can from him.

Why not sit your parents down, explain you want their support, you need them to shun WH and leave him to his own bad choices, if they can, but not to tell you a word of news or anything so you can focus on healing.

I agree and maybe even print up Dr. H's article on Plan B.
What Are Plan A & Plan B

My parents seem to get it now. They asked for a calendar of WH visitation so they know when to be available and managed to avoid saying anything else about him. Even when he didn't show up to pick up the kids tonight. Guess I have them for the weekend after all.

Honestly, how does a parent constantly verbally state to anyone that is willing to listen that their children are their priority and then just not show up to pick them up? Not even tell anyone they weren't coming? I'm sickened.

Anyway, I'm going to need to have our IM send him something, reiterating the visitation schedule and asking that he contact her when he plans on not showing up.

Also start documenting every time he misses a scheduled visit or is late picking them up etc.

If you do end up D this will help you very much. Don't keep it electronically an actually hand written one.

Ok, just made the first entry in a new notebook. Just curious, but why hand written?

Because typed can be messed with.

Also write when he does pick them up--good AND bad will look good to the judge.

Because if it's done electronically like say a word doc, they can say you sat down in one sitting and made it up.

Hand written with dates is considered more " believeable".
Just the facts and use different color ink every few entries or so.

Ok, good to know. I'll start over, beginning with yesterday's good visit.

Phone calls should also be put on there. And the behaviour of the children as well. You want to show everything that is going on with the kidlets.

I don't know if I would suggest sending your WH a reminder about visitations. It's not up to you to do that anymore. He is a big boy. He needs to take care of these things himself. I would also be prepared for him to want to have contact with the kids at times that are not his scheduled visitations.