Ok, good to know. I'll start over, beginning with yesterday's good visit.

Okay…finally had time to get back to this. The kids had me going all weekend long. My wife picks them up at 3pm today, so I will get a breather for the next three days. Be able to catch up on some things that have not gotten done over all of this mess. Anyway, here is the court update:


We went into the courtroom and sat down. I was on the left side, and Mrs. Mortarman on the right. The judge was already in there, and began to ask for documents, etc from our attorneys. Then both attorneys gave their opening remarks. Mark goes ahead and asks for the very same deal they offered me in the hall earlier. My attorney states that we are going for full custody.

Once that was done, the judge asked my wife’s attorney (Mark) to call his first witness…which was my wife.

She got on the stand, which was right in front of my table, and Mark began asking all sorts of basic questions. Like her name, address (which she messed up), etc. Then he began in on my wife’s back injury from her car accident a year ago. He spent a lot of time on that one. It appears that he was trying to play the “poor wifey�� card with the judge. That she might not be able to work, or work as much because of her back.

He then went on to ask my wife about what bills she paid, how much she made, etc. Again, Mark was trying to say that I wasn’t providing anything towards the family financially and that my wife was doing all of the heavy lifting. This is all interesting, as you will see in a minute. Watch what happens once my attorney is able to introduce the facts of the situation…and how Mark and my wife react.

Anyway, almost nothing in their questioning had to do with the kids, except what she has bought them (clothes, etc). Nothing about her involvement in their education, activities, etc. My attorney picked up on that in a hurry!

When he went to cross examine my wife, he immediately zeroed in on her financial situation. He began going thru all of the costs, etc. That is when the judge chimed in, asking my wife:


Between the Porky Pig response (you know the one…��aabbbaadaaa abbaaadda��), she had no response. He had busted her again on being financially irresponsible…and it was telling that the judge was the one that chimed in.

My mother’s house, where we are staying right now as I look for housing in the school district, had been vilified by my wife in their questioning…as unfit for the kids to live at (not sure why). But my attorney (Jon) fired back with “Isnt it true, Mrs. MM, that you lived in that house twice during the marriage (we were there the first 6 months of our marriage…and one other time for 2 days as we waited on a new home to be ready)? So, why was it suitable then, and not now?�� Again, Porky would have been jealous at how good she was at babbling.

He went on to ask her about the financial situation. He asked her:


My wife came unhinged at that!! She looked straight at me and screamed:


In the matter of 5 minutes, my attorney had her completely off balanced. The judge immediately went off on my wife:


Her attorney came over and spoke with her. And we continued. My attorney left that issue for the moment, as he would come back to it when he had me on the stand. He finished up with my wife by asking her if she was still in contact with the OM. Mark objected and the judge sustained, stating that for now…unless adultery since we moved back together can be proven, that he would leave that for the divorce hearing. Right now we were just doing custody.

So, my attorney finished with her by asking her about her job. He asked her what she did. She replied that she was a registered nurse and served in the trauma unit. He then asked what she did there. She had stated earlier that she had been moved to scheduler and light duty because of her back (this is where my attorney is awesome…he is great at picking up on things and cross-examining witnesses). So, Jon asks her “Do you make your own schedule?�� She replies that she does. My attorney then asks her why she is asking for custody, but giving Friday nights, Sat and Sun, to me. She states that it is because she works those days. He then asks her “When was the last time that you worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday.�� She says she doesn’t recall. “Last weekend?�� She says “no.�� “The weekend before?�� “No.�� “How about the weekend before that?�� “No.��

My attorney had a copy of her schedule and asked her “Isnt it true that you haven’t worked a Friday, Saturday and Sunday yet this year?�� She Porky Pigged that one with some lame “I’m not sure.��

So, my attorney closed the deal on her with asking her:


The reason for that last questioning had to do with two things. First, on the issue of her being with the kids on the weekends. Both of us had shown calendars that showed me with the kids exclusively almost every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. By her showing that she could make her schedule, that she hadn’t worked every weekend in its entirety…but was still not with the kids at their functions…it showed that she was more interested in other things!

The second was to show that she wasn’t making $5400 for child support purposes, but instead $10,000 a month. Which would put her income ahead of mine. In Virginia, child support is a formula, based on who has custody and the amounts each parent earns. So, by showing her making more money, it would change the calculations.

So, my wife stepped down. Mark calls me next to the stand. As I head up there, the judge asks both attorneys, for the sake of time, that I stay up there for my attorney’s questioning. They agreed.

Mark asks me some simple questions. And then goes straight into the bills. “Mr. Mortarman, what bills do you pay in the household?�� I stated that I have the entire list of every dime for the last 7 months right there next to my attorney. Mark wont let me get it. He just keeps asking me “well, state to me what bills you have been paying.�� I again state that I cannot due so intelligently without my notes. He persists…but I do not back down.

Mark continues this tack until the judge asks me: “Mr. Mortarman, I believe that Mr. Sandground is trying to get the specifics of the financial situation. Can you recollect any of what he is trying to ask?�� I tell the judge that I can on some, but would be better served if I could see my notes from my Microsoft Money (which outlined every dime spent). The judge says that I can have it, and my attorney brings it to me.

Now, remember the outburst by my wife? Well, here was my response to that. Mark asks me:


So, my wife’s outburst went for naught. I had provable records showing my support. Her ascertain, and Marks ascertain, that I had done nothing towards household bills had been proven false.

Mark gave up shortly thereafter, and my attorney came up to question me. He asked me questions about my involvement with the kids. Who does their homework with them? Who is at all of their events? Who takes them to church? All of the answers were “me.��

He asked me about the finances. I said I was trying to take care of the past mess we had accrued, mostly due to a flood, and to me not being able to tell Mrs. MM “no.�� I had not gotten away from our bills in my name by declaring bankruptcy like my wife.

He then asked the big question. “Mortarman…why do you believe that you should have custody of these children?�� And I went on a usual Mortarman roll:


And I left the stand. The judge then asked us to leave, as he went to make his decision.

Next up…the decision…the reaction…and the last few days under the new paradigm.

Standing in His Presence

Phone calls should also be put on there. And the behaviour of the children as well. You want to show everything that is going on with the kidlets.

I don't know if I would suggest sending your WH a reminder about visitations. It's not up to you to do that anymore. He is a big boy. He needs to take care of these things himself. I would also be prepared for him to want to have contact with the kids at times that are not his scheduled visitations.

Before I tell you the verdict, I forgot to mention some things in the trial. First off, there were more records that helped me there. The first was the financial breakdown that I had. I could show where EVERY dime went. I had been keeping meticulous records since November, with less meticulous records before that. So, when her attorney and her stated that I had not provided, it was easy to prove wrong...backed up by the bank records. You cant do this overnight. You cant play catch-up, either. You must record everything as it happens. I was able to show not only what I paid directly to my wife to help with household bills, but also where I spent everything else. The other household bills that I was paying directly.

She had no counter-argument because she could not refute my records, and had no corresponding record system herself.

Secondly, I had a log (or journal). Daily, I would record the happenings of the day before. What happened with the kids. What my wife said. The days events. Once we separated, I kept a log on when we had the kids.

Now, she had her day planner...but it was obvious that she had gone in there and recorded when we had the kids after the fact. her attorney, while she was o nthe stand, had her list the days she had the kids. She went thru it, and it made it look like she had them like 26 days or something, with me havign somewhere around 14. Not true.

When I was on the stand, I read from my journal. My journal showed that we had them evenly, with 19 days for each one of them. When I proved that one of her dates in her book was wrong (because she had referenced another event when she stated she picked up the kids...but that event happened on a different day), the judge then could accept the veracity of my calendar and dismiss hers. It is one of the reasons that he came up with the custody solution he did. This was VERY key folks!

example: She stated on one question on the stand that when I got custody before, that I had left the kids with her for 16 days. I was laughing. Really. what the heck was she talking about? we had gone to court Dec 13, 2004. Sixteen days later was Dec 29. She was stating that I hadnt seen my kids for Christmas. Hah! I had my journal from back then too. Reality: I had let her have the kids for 6 days straight, right after court, because she was devastated from losing custody. I had done so out of kindness. I was repaid with her lying on the stand.

The last thing I wanted to mention before I give you the verdict and after...is that the opening arguments by the attorneys were telling. Mark wanted to concentrate on me not providing...and my wife workign hard, albeit with a very bad back. He totally concentrated o nthe financial end of the deal. And when we proved most of his ascertains wrong, there went his case also.

Jon, my attorney, concentrated first on me as a father. A guy who had suffered at the hands of his wife's betrayals...but still endeavered to save the family. Even after getting custody before. He showed the lack of care and concern by my wife, as she shipped them off to her mothers for 3 months so she could go to school and carry on adultery. He showed her leaving twice more, once for 8 months...with her barely seeing the kids. He showed me consistently providing for my wife to be able to come back and try to reconcile, only for her to fly off the handle again. That it was all about her.

Okay, now to the verdict and the aftermath...

Standing in His Presence

Also make sure you document whether or not he's meeting his financial obligations to you and the kids. Him wanting to abandon his familial responsibilities to cat around in no way relieves him of his financial obligations.

I read Mortarman's court session and definitely see the need to document beyond just the goings on with the kids.

I not sure how to go about doing that. I receive 232 court ordered child support a week. My WH gives me approximately 100 in cash a week on top of that to pay for half of the kids school/camp. That leaves me with 126 a week to completely support the children and myself. My cell phone was just shut off, car insurance leaves me in the negative the week it comes due and we almost completely have to rely on my parents for food and other basic necessities. WH makes between 1000 to 2000 a week, giving the children the bare state mandated minimum and me zip - knowing we aren't capable of surviving this way.

I guess my question is - how do I document my complete lack of income and inability to pay my bills now that he isn't helping, versus the extreme amount of money he is keeping for himself (and still managing to overdraw his account weekly without actually paying most of his own bills - creditors keep calling for him)?

Why hasn't he been hammered with more court ordered support besides just child support. What state do you live in?

I guess my question is - how do I document my complete lack of income and inability to pay my bills now that he isn't helping, versus the extreme amount of money he is keeping for himself (and still managing to overdraw his account weekly without actually paying most of his own bills - creditors keep calling for him)?

Did you ever go to that lawyer place that Brits_Brat told you about?

Jennifer, I had originally gone to a lawyer to file for separation but after thinking on it, I realized that my only concern was making sure my children were financially taken care of by their father. If he wanted to separate, let HIM pay for it! HA

I then downloaded the forms for child support from my county office. You can get started here:
http://www.njchildsupport.org/Article.asp?AID=35

good luck to you and your children!

How about applying for foodstamps (and medicaid while you're at it, just to have it set up for if/when he loses his job)? It's really helpful when you need it and will make the fact that he is not supporting you obvious. And then if your parents help you out, it can be on other things (like the phone bill!) Also, if the creditor calls are annoying or obnoxious, I would be sure to give them all his contact information and tell them he no longer lives with you. They *should* stop calling you.

Can you put your mom or dad's number as your contact?