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I truly hope for the sake of humanity ... a once horrible, deplorable adulterous wayturd can and will do what is needed to make it right.

Any marriage saved is a positive especially when a once extremely wayturd adulterer has turned from their evil ways and makes it work.

I am rooting for a happy ending ... I am praying for all involved to have the proper and true healing.

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Chailover,

Can you tell us what your requirements are for recovery?

Actions speak louder than words. Good luck tonight.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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To mirror what Scotty said....WOW. Chai I am so happy everything is going good for you...I couldnt believe when I saw your thingy at the top of the thingys (OMG I am having serious memory problems right now). Its so good to hear from you and with happy stuff too...






Last edited by stillhere8126; 04/21/12 07:34 PM. Reason: New meds :)

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Originally Posted By: ChaiLover
I have come a long way in the last 4 1/2 years,


Yes, you have!

Originally Posted By: ChaiLover
..and I will be fine with whatever happens.


Yes, you will!

I've been saying some prayers for you, and will continue to remember you in prayer....





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Well,
wanted to stop in seeing Chai post and seeing the old "faces" on MB.

I am blessed to knowing Chai and being able to call her a good friend.

Through this experience (The pain of adultery) Chai has been a great example of grace and strength. Her wayward was one of the worst offenders and many of us followed her journey.

Any BS coming to this forum this is one worth reading.

She has set the bar high and does not want anything less than what we deserve.

First, in seeing and speaking to him at least she will know if she has any desire to restore the M. This is not a small window of time. This has been years. She might see him and say "ugh" and have her closure or meet with him and see what karma has wrought. Her choices now.

Chai is a warrior now and won't settle for less. There will be a time for conditions and lists and counseling... A time to see remorse or more repentence.

If this one is restored it is one for the records... absolutely.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted By: hope3343
There will be a time for conditions and lists and counseling... A time to see remorse or more repentence.

The time to establish conditions and lists and counselling is at the outset. The time to see remorse and repentance is BEFORE he is allowed back home.

I would hate to see Chai or anybody guided into thinking that the time can come later.


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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Agreed....
Clarification....
Chai has been dark for years.
She would not just "allow" him back home.
It would not be until the initial face to face to even know if she wants to try and resurrect the M.
Once this happens then she will establish boundaries and ground rules.
end of clarification... toe tap


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted By: hope3343
Agreed....
Clarification....
Chai has been dark for years.
She would not just "allow" him back home.
It would not be until the initial face to face to even know if she wants to try and resurrect the M.
Once this happens then she will establish boundaries and ground rules.
end of clarification... toe tap


Well, you sound ticked.

You responded to Chai's update by offering advice, which is what we do here. Your advice was the "body language" thread. Others' advice, including mine, came from the experience of a successful Plan B/Recovery BS who had experienced "how you know" in her own marriage, and we also posted Dr Harley's advice.

The advice from others seems to have annoyed you. Your response is toe tap. Why?

And why do you speak for Chai?


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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Not annoyed or ticked at all.

Maybe used wrong icon. lol

No one is disputing the success of the MB program. It works and not disputing that.

Did not reference body language thread even though School Bus was one of the most insightful posters on this thread.

My thought was until Chai sees XH will she even know if she wants to try reconcilation? If she does, then MB is the perfect place. Nor is this speaking for her. inserts better icon ==== dance2


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Sorry - I should have said the "how will you know" thread.

I'm glad you agree that MB is the perfect place! dance2


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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Chai, this one is for you....thanks Whitney
rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao


There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above
Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love

Chorus:
How will I know (Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know (Love can be deceiving)
How will I know
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking, wish I had you near me now
Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love

oh tell me


chorus

If he loves me, if he loves me not


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark

I'm still trying to locate the radio clip that Sugarcane is talking about with "hat in hand".


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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So, any updates?


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark

I'm still trying to locate the radio clip that Sugarcane is talking about with "hat in hand".


I have heard him say this too, but can't remember where. think


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark

I'm still trying to locate the radio clip that Sugarcane is talking about with "hat in hand".

I have heard him say this too, but can't remember where. think

I actually emailed him to ask and Joyce said Dr. Harley couldn't recall. I've been listening to the last two months and still haven't found it yet. shocked I may keep going back since I listen all the time.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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BrainHurts, you are quite wonderful to locate and post radio links tirelessly as you do. Thank you for trying to find this for me.

I must say that the logging of Dr Harley's statements in my mind is faulty. I am not systematic like you! I might actually have read this, rather than heard it, on another thread. I have a feeling that DoormatNoMore might have posted this in the Recovery forum. I don't have time now, but I'll have a look around there when I get back.


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2 kids.
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Originally Posted By: SugarCane
BrainHurts, you are quite wonderful to locate and post radio links tirelessly as you do. Thank you for trying to find this for me.

I must say that the logging of Dr Harley's statements in my mind is faulty. I am not systematic like you! I might actually have read this, rather than heard it, on another thread. I have a feeling that DoormatNoMore might have posted this in the Recovery forum. I don't have time now, but I'll have a look around there when I get back.


You're very welcome. I listen and relisten all the time. I was just hoping Joyce or Dr. Harley might recall, to no avail.
smile


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: ChaiLover
Update:

Well, 2.5 years after the D, and 5.5 years after Dday, my XWH now wants his family back. The A crumbled, so now he wants to talk to me.

I don't have time to tell you all the entire story right now, but just wanted to post so that all of you out there can have some hope.

Me? Not sure about all of this, but I have agreed to hear him out.

Stay tuned.

I guess we are still "staying tuned"?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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toe tap


XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Same here! I've been worried, quite frankly, but...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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