That's priceless. Keep loving him to death.

WH,

To paraphrase an over used statement. Your H will be your hero IF he has a good woman loving and supporting him.

He needs and has needed more emotional support than you realize, and you have opened the door for him to support you more as well. Funny how that nonlinear stuff works.

It was good to hear from you and I hope you keep the updates coming. I am not sure you realize how important your story is to this board and the many people who read but do not post.

Please keep updating and consider reaching out to others. You and your H have a message that is very important for others to hear.

Godo Bless,

JL

I skipped to the end so forgive me if I missed it.

My state has laws that block OM from any rights to OC, does yours not?

If OM wins some form of custody, or visitation, how will you handle that knowing that you can not have any contact with OM at all.

Does OM still live minutes away?

I just think that your husband has far to much to deal with. First you have another mans baby instead of his. Then the man that you brought into your marriage might be connected to your marriage for the rest of your lives. If he gets his way, he'll be at your daughters weddings, births, graduation. Exactly how is your husband expected to have the reminder of your infidelity thrown in his face every day. I don't agree with his anger and certainly not violence, but I also don't know how he could resign himself to a three parent family with the man you betrayed him with. Can you understand that side of his anger?

Ouch, I do understand that side of his anger, and I'm no longer asking that he not be angry. Instead I must ask what I can do to support him as he needs me to support him. To him that seems to be enough. While many men would not stick around in this situation, my BH wants to. And I am trying to give him a reason to.

Gack, we are concerned about the OM being around. Unfortunately our state doesn't really have any laws about interlopers, so that's what we're going back and forth in court over. And if we have to deal with shared custody at some point, we will probably have to have a mediator handle all arrangments (though my BH is leaning toward dealing with OM himself, since BH doesn't trust OC with a stranger). Unfortunately I may have to miss big events in OC's life if OM is there, but I can deal with that as it comes. We've talked about moving if dealing with OM gets to be too much for BH to handle. We're still working through those issues, and we really don't have any answers yet. We probably won't have answers until we get to that point. Though, we are interested in how others have dealt with this, since it's uncharted territory for us.

I'm glad things are getting better in your home.

Please keep us informed how this legal case progresses to the end.

Will do. I hope that our story can one day help other couples who go through this. My BH actually got a chance to share what he is going through with a friend contemplating D and after their talk his friend wants to save his M! My BH is an inspiration, that's for sure.

WH,

Pops over on the pregnancy board can help you guys. He has been through all of this. AutumnDay has been in your shows as well.

Have you looked at all of the people who have viewed your thread? You and your H are helping more than you realize.

God Bless,

JL

How is that going?

I would highly recommend a mediator.

Has it been brought up to OM by your legal team that if he is awarded any parental rights, that he will also "win" the right to pay you child support? That makes some OM rethink there wish for rights.

Hi again, Gack. I actually just "thread-jacked" you on the pregnancy forum. Here's where we are at the moment. The court outcome looks dismal. OM is pretty much guaranteed rights. BH is devestated to have to share OC with OM, and we haven't told anyone of the affair or OC's biology yet, so we have that to "look forward to" as well.

OM is fine with paying child support, though he's pushing for 50/50 custody to avoid paying. That thought sickens me and BH, because OC is still so young (mere months old) and OM is an alcoholic without a license and divorced/single and a womanizer. I don't see how any court could take a baby from a stable family environment (believe it or not, my BH and I are more stable and loving than ever before, thanks to MB) and a stay-at-home mom to toss her back and forth between daycares and living arrangments. Poor BH not only has to find out his firstborn isn't his, but now he may have to share her 50/50. My heart breaks daily over what I've done to him.

How did you get through this, Gack?

What makes you say this, wh? Has the court ordered a DNA test?

One would have to assume that they are close to ALLOWING the DNA test to proceed.

Well, first off. Our family and most close friends know the true genetic origin of OC, and that's the way they look at it. This was not my decision, my WW told them before she returned home as justification to stay with OM. It has not affected my relationship with anyone in any way. And if it did, I would not want that person in my life anyway.

My state has laws that protect both the marriage and OC from OM, and the BS from OM and WW. OM has no rights unless one of us legally gives them to him. So once WW started clearing the fog, it was decided that OM would be excluded from OC's life for our and her own good.

This is a good thing, I would not be able to handle OM's continued interference in our lives, resentment would build, and our recovery would fail.


OC is also "My" first and only child.


Why?

What evidence does OM have that OC is his?
Has there been a DNA test ordered?
How much confidence do you have in your lawyer?

faithy,

That puzzles me still. How can anybody know what a court is close to allowing?

I know I'm foreign but surely it's the same with you. The two sides make their case while the judge listens. He or she then goes away and comes back with a judgement. Until that judgement is issued, nobody knows what the outcome will be.

OM's counsel might have made a stinger of a case. He might have made want and her H feel completely defeated and that there was no hope, yet until a judgement is issued they do not know the outcome.

No legal test has been administered, but the courts are most likely going to order one. We're so tired of fighting--and spending money--that my BH and I feel like it's about time to throw in the towel. My confidence in my attny has dwindled as the exhaustion has set in.

I wish I lived in your state, Gack!

Sugar, previous case law gives a pretty good idea of how the outcome will be determined. And the laws in my state are set up to support biology more than marriage. Of course, we could spend thousands upon thousands more dollars and potentially win our case in a supreme court, but we're so burned out and our financial demise won't be any better of an outcome for us or our marriage.

I appreciate the sentiment, though.

So anyone in your state can just go to the courthouse and file a claim of being someone else's father, with no proof, and they will start a court case over it?

Wow!

I think it is time to have a stern talk with your lawyer. If he doesn't sound positive about the outcome, I'd start interviewing other lawyers.

That's exactly how my state does things. Ridiculous, isn't it, that any Joe Shmoe can decide to file a paternity suit for no reason and they'll hear the case...even without a mutual ack of sex!

I'm on lawyer number 3, and this last lawyer actually has previously been responsible for changing laws. He seems passionate about my case and wants to use this to change laws, but it will end up being a media circus and cost me everything and then some, and most likely take years. While it's tempting, we would need major financial support. We're at the point where we have no fight left in us.

First of all, your husband is a remarkable person. Not many men, including myself would EVER raise another persons child through infidelity. Consider yourself very lucky. Now he has to deal with not only sharing YOU with this OM, but the child also. I'm not a religious person, but this poor guy is the epitome of a true Christian.

wanthealing,

is there any way we could talk privately about our OC situations?