Also if she promised to never drink again how about she go back to AA?

Does she still have her sponsor? I worry she's an alcoholic who's slipped.

Did you listen to the radio clip from Dr. H that I posted to you?

WW and I had a big fight today over this.WW and I will be traveling to WW home country next week,where her mom and OM resides .WW doesnt want any trouble becos she fears OMW,who is very unstable ,will do things to harm her.OMW hates me deeply for exposing to her friends on fb.She also thinks WW was the one who initiated everything and that her H was innocent all along.If I hadnt found out by snooping that WW did send a msg back scolding her friend for giving her the number,I would definitely let OMW know.This time,it was really her wicked friends fault and not OM.I have no idea why people could be so evil.WW is not willing to completely cut her off but will refrain from seeing her for a few months until withdrawal is over.

Why aren't you going with her? She is too vulnerable to be back around the OM right now without you. Please go with her.

You've read this?
Craziest things to come out of waywards mouths
Yes she needs to drop toxic friend.

BH,I listened to the clip.Thanks for posting it.She never attended AA.She was a borderline alcoholic.She hasnt drank for 15 years and she said she wont again.She is going thru withdrawal right now.A ended 1 week ago.She is defogging gradually but is still very stubborn at times.So its hard for me to make any demands especially when she is not ready to recommit to our marriage.She keeps saying she has fallen out of love.I will be visiting her mom next week.Should I tell her mom even tho the A has ended?

I am going with her ,BH.But I will be leaving a few days early.

Good XP I'm glad you're going with her.

Yes tell her mom because you need her help to keep her eyes on her since you're leaving early. Can you change your trip and stay with her? Don't tell her just say" I want to have a fantastic time with you and we're going to have a blast" when your supposed to leave.

I will try to extend my stay.
WW said if I told her mom,it would actually be encouragement for her to leave me.One of the reason she is staying becos she didnt want her to know and worry.Her mom is 80 yr old.2nd reason is becos of the business we have.I wonder if she would remain like this after a complete defog......

Thanks for your advice and support,Brainhurts and all the others here on the forum.You guys are God sent angels.

DEFINITELY tell her mom. All waywards spout the crapola about leaving you if you tell.

It's just that. Crapola.

Of course she's worried and staying, she doesn't want to be held accountable.

That sure didn't bother her when she was having her time with that woman's husband. Why has that suddenly become a problem for her? Facing the wrath of an OMW is part of the downside for an adulterer. Does your WW understand this?

Exactly!I asked the same question.She said she was foggy and had never thought anyone would find out about the A.She always knew OMW has been on antidepressants for many years.WW has heard many crazy stories about the OMW.

XP,
Did you decide if you're telling her mother when you're on the trip?

This will help break the fog.

BH,I am still thinking about it.Her fog is dissipating day by day.She told me her mom would support her no matter what and I believe that.Her mom never really approved of our marriage becos I'm the foreigner that took her precious daughter away from her and brought her all the way to the other side of the globe.Actually,mom may already know becos she had told my WWs brother that she has been suspicious of WWs behavior.

Just when I thought things were improving....seems like this nightmare is never going to go away.Brief update.W and I went to visit her mom.She is still pretty depressed but getting better day by day.Some of her friends comforted her and encouraged her to do the right thing and that helped her defog even more.But one day we ran into the OM and I got very emotional.The whole week there was stressful for both of us. W promised that she would not contact the reunion group but they tried to pull her back in.I left yesterday and she was supposed to leave in 2 days becos she wanted to spend a bit more time with mom.The evil reunion people called her today and messed with her head. W suddenly wants a divorce now.Just a few days ago,she was saying how stupid and selfish she was...today she is completely in the fog again!!!I know she misses the OM.I am at my wits end.I dont know what else I could do.I exposed and it worked to kill the affair for a moment.but I am beginning to feel things are back to sq 1.What else can I do ???

I really have a hard time believing that you are fighting so hard to stay with a woman who's a serial cheater & has been treating you like a real door-mat ? This isn't fog , this is her real mindset .

"...he evil reunion people called her today and messed with her head. W suddenly wants a divorce now...."
Its ridiculous you are blaming others for her lack of love or respect for you. If she loves & cares about you no evil reunion people have the power to make your so innocent wife do anything she doesn't want or agrees with . If someone I see as evil here is your wife & you are the enabler .


".....I dont know what else I could do.I exposed and it worked to kill the affair for a moment.but I am beginning to feel things are back to sq 1.What else can I do ??..."

What you could (or must) do here is to grow a pair, regain your self-respect & lose her like scorpion on your palm . Enough with your planA/B strategy, you are way past that.No [censored] plan can change her real character which she has now revealed .

I have a hard time believing that I am fighting so hard for this woman too.Many of us here on MB are fighting for someone who doesnt seem to deserve it.Leaving someone you love for over 20 years is easier said than done.If there were a pill I could swallow to make me detach emotionally and forget her ,I would do it without hesitation.

GOOD FOR YOU ..... STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF.

I would get on the phone to these toxic enablers and in no uncertain terms tell these trollops to stay the hell away from your family or there will be hell to pay. If you have to snatch your WW's phone to get the numbers, then snatch it. Whatever it takes. You've come too far to stop now.

XP ... it is because "Adultery is an Addiction" ... and the only way to recover from this sordid addiction is to cut all contact with anything associated to it for life. It is a very narrow path.

She somehow got a hit from either toxic friends, OM, or a new OM ... she is still very wayward and very addicted.

What is happening is your wife was starting to withdraw and see some reality. This is why "NO CONTACT" with the drugs (OM/TOXIC FRIENDS) IS CRUCIAL TO RECOVERY. It is identical to the teenage girl who is in love with the loser boy, and she is hanging with the wrong crowd. Her parents forbid her to see this loser boy and the loser friends, but she can't stop it because the feelings she gets from hanging with the losers is intoxicating.

That is the exact scenario your WW is in today. She got another hit on the crack pipe and is deciding to get back into her drug addiction (i.e. toxic friends and possibly OM or a new OM). The reason is because those people give her a false HIGH a sense of admiration and respect that she thinks makes her "Queen". Like all addictions she is so selfish, entitled, and heavy in denial she will not pull herself out of the cesspool she is diving into.

She is needing this HIGH for some reason only she knows. You, your marriage, stability, security is a threat to this HIGH because it means she has to be accountable, responsible, and she must do hard work to heal you, her BH.

The best you can do is tap into the HIGH she is needing from this false sense of admiration. What are they providing her that you aren't ... and when you figure it out then overload her with it. If she is depressed they may be bringing her back to a time in her life when she remembers being happy. You may not be able to compete with the contrast effect she is doing in her mind.

Up your PLAN A and be the "Rock Star" husband for her. Try and recreate what attracted her to you. Never talk divorce and try and get as much time with her as possible.

ETA: You are only a couple months out from D-day ... you can plan A all through the summer still.

Thanks everyone.She said the phone call didnt affect her but I know it did.W promised me NC with OM and reunion group.But she said she cant keep that promise now.W will also tell her mom about the A and that she may want a divorce.She wants support from her mom.I encouraged her to tell her mom but her version of the story is distorted now that she is back in the fog.She got support from her sister in law when she told her she wanted a D.She re wrote history and told her she was not happy for years.But thats not what she said just a few days ago.

X, this is why you need to be exposing her, not her. She is putting her little spin on it to justify and gain support for her adultery and you're allowing it?

If you allow this to continue, then you may as well just hire a lawyer and buy a big-assed box of Kleenex, because you'll need them both.

While you need to be Plan A'ing your [censored] off, you also need to be doing everything possible to kill this. Right now, you look like a wimp to her and to women this is exactly what they don't want in a man. They want a man who's going to protect them, and stand up for them.

How can you expect her to believe you are man enough to stand up for her when you are showing her that you aren't even man enough to stand up to her?

Look, I know you're tired and beaten up. I understand this completely, BTDT. But you have to take some serious actions here, and now. What you've done so far hasn't worked all that well so what do you really have to lose?

Contact whoever you have to in that reunion group. Get real with them. Do whatever you have to do to ensure NC. Whatever it takes within the boundaries of the law. If you have to get nasty with a couple of them, then get nasty. This is your wife and your life, not theirs.

Get to work.

I second this post ^^^^^^.

You need to expose the truth to her mom not her. She is wayward and WILL put the wayward spin on it which will be lies.