Don't cancel that lawyer's apt for today make sure you go.

Keep us updated and good job standing your ground at home.

I was not able to stay out of work. All I can do is pray that she will bring my boys home. ML, I am seeing a lawyer today as soon as I get off work. And yes ML you can give me a big hug. I think I most definitely need one right now. Kinda feel down in the dumps a little.

That is not surprising because you are walking through the fire right now. You are facing the problem FACE ON and that is not easy! You are having to fight for your marriage and your children's family. And I applaud you for taking the tough steps. This is a very tough situation that takes very tough actions. Just stick with it and don't let anyone divert you from your plan. You know now who is supportive of your marriage and who is not. Your MIL is not supportive of your marriage. But that is ok, you don't need her support to do the right thing. You are doing this for your marriage and your children, not for the approval of unsupportive people.

Did your MIL threaten to take the kids and call the police when the criminal OM was in your home? No. But she did that to you, the loving father of your children. What kind of a mother does that?? A mother who does not care, that is who. Shame on her!

I'm not giving up but if it does come to it how will I know when it is time for divorce.

When you have tried everything and it doesn't work. You are FAR from that point, though. And you can't go by what she says. The things she says are no more relevant than the rantings of a falling down drunk. The drunk sings a completely different story when they sober up. So, your job is to do your best to kill her affair while protecting your children and your legal interests.

I thought I had killed the affair the other day when I busted her but apparently not since she continued to talk to him that night and some the next day. she didn't talk to him as much but still a little is to much. This is one tough battle, no sleep and I have already lost about forty pounds in the past couple months.

It is next to impossible to kill it if you are not there, because she can still have the OM over. Sad that your kids have been exposed to this. But bravo to you for getting your butt back there. You really need to get a lawyer TODAY, my friend, because I expect her to resort to legal means to get you out. And be sure and carry a recorder on you at all times.

Just expect her to come up with a new ploy to get you out. Be prepared to stand your ground. Make HER leave without the kids if she wants to separate.

When is your apt with your lawyer today?

Quoted for emphasis.

DITTO

The apppointment is at four thirty, as soon as I get off work. Mel, should I go ahead and file for divorce just in case I can't save this marriage.

If you file for a D, let your Lawyer know that you want to drag it out as long as possible to give you a chance to save it. He/she will know how to help you out.

ETA: Sometimes, to get custody, finances, etc figured out, you will need to file. Talk to your attorney about that.

ETA that if you file doesn't mean you have to pull the trigger. Just get you and your children protected.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself legally so that you are able to stay in your home with your kids. If you have to file for divorce to do that, its ok, because you can do as Scotland advised and file and then drag your feet. I am concerned that you are in a very risky situation right now because you are a MALE. The females have the upper hands in these situations unless you proactively protect yourself.

Did you read these threads? They will be very helpful for you.

Here's another you can learn from.

sack's thread "vindictive, cheating wife is tearing me apart"

Update...

Saw lawyer yesterday. Don't know if he is the one I need since his philosophy is what is better for the kids. Right now he wants me to do a one year legal separation. He also wants me to talk with her and do joint custody where I would get the kids for a week and then she would get the kids for a week. He also said to get a restraining order put on the guy so he couldn't come around my kids. WW is going to see a lawyer on Wednesday. I just don't know if I can sit down and talk with her at the moment. I think it is time for plan b.

That will not work. You tell him you don't want to separate. Your goal is to save the marriage. So he needs to make sure you are legally protected. Tell him you want to stay in the house, get primary custody of your children and keep the OM out. Keep in mind that this guy works for YOU, not the other way around. His goal is to get you divorced. Yours is to stay married and to protect yourself legally until your wife comes to her senses.

This lawyer does not know "what is best for the kids." What is best for the kids is to have parents with an intact marriage.

tc, here is the approach you should take with her. Let her know that you want to stay married and will not be cooperating with any divorce schemes. Tell her that you have contacted an attorney to protect your legal rights and those of the children, though. [not to get a divorce, but only for legal protection]

Tell her you won't be leaving the house and you won't allow her to take the kids out of the home without a court order. You are here to stay and work on your marriage. DEMAND that she end her affair or you will file on grounds on adultery.

Let her know you want to have a great marriage with her and will give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. But first she has to end all contact with the OM.

And by all means, go down NOW and file a RO against the OM!

After reading those threads I feel like the united states has some stupid laws. I'm just pissed because it seems like she is going to win the battle and she is the one that has done all the wrong things. She is going to see her lawyer Wednesday but the only thing she can do is file for separation because she has no grounds for divorce here in South Carolina. She will have to file for separation and wait a year before she can get a divorce. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I don't understand what you mean. You have her by the balls because she has committed adultery. Did you read my post?