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Cost not a concern cos she is staying with her mom for just a couple days.
Actually,our vacation was awful.She felt if the pain doesnt go away,she could not continue being with me.I guess I am partly to blame for bringing on that pain becos we ran into the OM on the street.He didnt see us but I got real emotional about it and was acting out during the whole trip.I need to avoid LB. Yes you do because lovebusters make withdrawls from her lovebank. Do you have Dr. Harley's book "Lovebusters"? But seeing OM would provoke alot of emotions from alot of people, but you need to learn to control your emotions. What do you mean you were acting out? What exactly were you doing?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I dont have the book.I will order it from Amazon.
I acted out with anger,frustration,resentment.....whole bag of emotions.W feels if this is what MB is all about,she doesnt want to go thru it.She has no faith in the recovery that is possible with the help of MB.But at the same time,W knows MB has been 100% accurate on its prediction of the outcome.I told her she would go thru depression which she is experiencing now.
Last edited by xtremepain; 04/29/12 02:21 AM.
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Please listen to these radio clips, right now, from Dr. Harley on resentment and controlling our emotions. Radio Clip on Resentment and controlling our emotions Segment #2 Tell me what you think.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ok thanks,i will get right on it now.
Another thing that bothered her much was my demand for answers/details about the A.
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yes,i should rise above my emotions everytime anger kicks in.I am usually pretty good at controlling my emotions.It was only that one time when I saw OM that got me all riled up.
I am planning to give her a recovery plan when she returns.Should I wait til she is over her withdrawal ?What if she refuses to do the plan?W did mention in the past that she just wanted to be friends/biz partner with me.Do I say yes and work on R anyway without her participation?
Last edited by xtremepain; 04/29/12 04:02 AM.
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yes,i should rise above my emotions everytime anger kicks in.I am usually pretty good at controlling my emotions.It was only that one time when I saw OM that got me all riled up.
I am planning to give her a recovery plan when she returns.Should I wait til she is over her withdrawal ?What if she refuses to do the plan? Don't get the cart before the horse. Don't worry about her refusal of wanting to do the plan. You take the lead and show her what a loving, romantic marriage you can have together. Sit down and schedule UA time with her and get that going. Be the rock. Get her in to see her doctor to get some ADs. First get her back home and help her through her withdrawal. Withdrawal is the emotional reaction to the loss of something that gives great pleasure. It's similar to the feelings an alcoholic has when he makes a commitment never to drink again. It's also similar to the grief that comes from the loss of a loved one. A lover is like alcohol and like a loved one. Not only do unfaithful spouses miss what it was their lovers did, meeting important emotional needs, but they also miss the person they had come to love.
Our most common emotions are anger, anxiety and depression. Symptoms of withdrawal usually include all of these in a very intense form. I usually suggest that anti-depressant medication be used to help alleviate these symptoms. While the most intense symptoms of withdrawal usually last only about three weeks, in some cases they can linger for six months or longer before they start to fade.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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What about calling the coaching center?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I will start with the books with my W.SAA and HSHS.Is it common for unfaithful spouse to refuse to rebuild the marriage after the A?W talked about separating for a few months.
As expected,her mom is neutral about her wanting to divorce.She didnt say much about the A.
Last edited by xtremepain; 04/29/12 09:49 AM.
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I will start with the books with my W.SAA and HSHS.Is it common for unfaithful spouse to refuse to rebuild the marriage after the A?W talked about separating for a few months.
As expected,her mom is neutral about her wanting to divorce.She didnt say much about the A. It's very common that's why you need the book SAA. One of the reference couples "John and Sue" that Dr. H Harley actually counseled them himself, are a perfect example. Sue actually leaves John and moves in with OM. It isn't until the affair dies a natural death and John goes into Plan B that Sue comes back to the M. And then their LB were so low Dr. Harley had to coach them on how to meet each others needs because they hated each other. To this day they are happily M with a very loving M. Please, when SAA comes in, read it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Please listen to these radio clips until your book SAA gets to you. It's about a couple who followed the plan to survive from the WW's affair and what the BH did. He did exposure and, Plan A'd her until she came out of the fog. Radio clip with a WW and BH surviving from her affair Segment #2Segment #3Segment #4
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Just listened to the clips.
I think the biggest problem my W has is that she lets her emotions take control and make choices for her.Its been like that all her life.I tried to convince her to just enter the MB recovery program with me and her feelings will come back.But she relies on her feelings all the time.Thats also one of the reason why she had the affair.
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Just listened to the clips.
I think the biggest problem my W has is that she lets her emotions take control and make choices for her.Its been like that all her life.I tried to convince her to just enter the MB recovery program with me and her feelings will come back.But she relies on her feelings all the time.Thats also one of the reason why she had the affair. That's why I would get her into see her doctor and get her on some AD's.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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That's why I would get her into see her doctor and get her on some AD's. Listen to this radio clip on Dr. Harley talking about why he recommends AD's. Radio Clip on Dr. Harley recommending AD's
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am going to convince her to go on AD's again but she said she didnt really need it.She said I was the cause of the depression with my resentment and demands.A bit of a fogbabble I believe.She thinks I am too demanding to ask her to get rid of those toxic friends.
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When will she be back? Did she extend her stay?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She is coming back today.She wanted to extend one more day but I told her to return home today.
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She is coming back today.She wanted to extend one more day but I told her to return home today. Good. So what Plan A things do you have planned for her? Dinner made? House clean? Flowers? What can you do to make her return happy and exciting for her? You need to "court her".
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Should I wait til she is over the withdrawal phase or should I start courting her when she is more responsive?
I cleaned the house but not sure about flowers and all that...she has told me the more I pursue her,the more she wants to run.She said she is not ready yet...fogtalk again?
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Should I wait til she is over the withdrawal phase or should I start courting her when she is more responsive?
I cleaned the house but not sure about flowers and all that...she has told me the more I pursue her,the more she wants to run.She said she is not ready yet...fogtalk again? Yes it's all fog talk. You need to be there and be her rock as she gets through the withdrawal. You need to be a strong, confident husband. What were the things that you did that made her fall in love with you? What are her top 3 ENs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Conversation,affection,financial
She fell in love with me when we were in high school...not sure if it was love back then.Then we maintained a long d relationship on/off for several years.Back together again til now.She used to say I am someone whom she could enjoy talking to for hours but ever since the A,she complained our conversations have become very stressful and often leads to conflicts.She and the OM can fb chat day and night.She said she fell in love with the OMs words.
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