No its not, why? I know this because she doesn't drive and neither does he. The only time they see eachother is under my say so. This was agreed when I asked her to stop txting 100+ a day.

If you have the say so on when they see each other, I'd suggest you put a stop to them seeing each other at all.

You are being played like a fiddle, my friend.

Well, I guess this is proof that you have not read/studied much (if anything) on this site about how to recover from an affair/infidelity.

You�re in a very messed up situation.

First off, your text to your friend was ok since you weren�t married. There was no cheating there since you weren�t married. Now, however, it would be inappropriate.

Which brings me to my next point:

Marriage changes the dynamics of everything. Friends of the opposite sex when you�re married is a no-no. Your wife is having her emotional needs fulfilled by two men. You need to set your boundaries. She did that when she told you to never text this other woman again. Good on her. But now, if you wish to save your marriage and stay married, I suggest you set your boundary and say that all contact with this man must end. You are otherwise on the path towards divorce.

If you have no kids, then I say you haven�t lost anything and that this marriage and situation has been jacked up from the beginning.

But let me emphasize the following point:

You can�t have a marriage at all unless and until this other man gets completely out of your lives. She basically has a polygamy situation. She�s officially married to one man and the OM is a live in brother husband.

Kick him out or walk out.

She says we are working through it. Iv seen her phonebills and she is not texting OM anywhere nears as much. Once or twice a week if that. And he comes round to see us both once a week as he is both our friend. I'm slightly dissapointed that you all seem to assume she is having a affair. Iv not asked for advice on wether she is having a affair or not I'm asking how to deal with feeling unloved. What can I do to win her back. You all seem to want me to snoop and give you all gossip. He has been her friend since they were both 4years old. We have discussed that her and his friendship was too close and she should look at me as her best friend etc.and we are working on that, I'm asking for advice on how to cope with it and not get so frustrated all the time. She doesn't have any sexual satisfaction at all. She is not sexually active in anyway.and hasn't been for a year. When I discovered txts and emails that she had confided in him everything that has happend in our marriage. There were never any sexual references from her or him. The first om she was texting he repeatedly told her how beautiful she is etc etc. She never replied to him saying or implying she was attracted to him the om that's her best friend had not txt her anything insinuating he fancyied her. He did just offer friendly advice. From reading txts and emails they sent albeit over a 100 a day, nonwere sexual or affectionate. Just as though two close friends were talking.��

Did you read this by. Dr. Harley? Are Friends a Threat to your Marriage?

Did you read Dr. Harley's basic concepts?
A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Either your W is having a deep emotional (and quite likely physical) affair with that "friend" of yours, or that friend of yours is gay. Sorry, but there is no other option.

That they haven't mentioned anything sexual in their communication is NOT proof that there isn't an affair going on. Apart from one minor case of innuendo, my FWW NEVER mentioned anything in her communication with her OM relating to sex or "love". It was all about "friendship". And I also didn't believe she had the spare time to get involved with someone else. But guess what - she made the time and the A was physical for over a year before I found out.

So stop letting yourself be played. Gather the evidence (a VAR at home to catch what's going on when you're not around), and bust the A.

Ok. Well iv had a CCTV camera on the only entrance to the house for about 3years now. After reviewing the footage I can confirm that she never leaves the house and no one comes round when I'm not there. Like I say any free time we have we spend it together. This has happend since Jan this year.the phone is in my name and the bills come to me. I can confirm that she only texts om a couple times a week. The only thing I don't hav access to are her emails and facebook. I have reluctantly set up a keylogger now on both computers in the house. I truely believe that she isn't having a affair. I'm sure I will soon find out wether she is or not.

You are in deep denial my friend. Why is it so hard for you to see the truth? Everyone here is just trying to help you.

I know what you are saying. No one here knows me or my wife or the situation. Iv tried to explain as best as I can and all people are saying is that she is having a affair. I know she was having a EA with both OM we discussed this at the time. I don't think she is still having a EA with either OM. The only thingng I don't have acess to is here emails and fbook. But the keylogger should help me with that. Then I will find out the truth.

I could hack her email by changing her password. I know the security questions to do this. The only thing is she will know her password has been changed. If there is no evidence that she has been having a affair what implications could come from this? Do I deny it was me that changed it?

Wren,
If you confirm no affair won't you feel so much better?

Can't you get her password from the keylogger?

No she never uses the computer for her emails. Only facebook. I would llove to know the truth. If she hasn't been cheating then I'm going to lose the progress we have made for not trusting her.

Have you read anything from Dr. Harley?

No spouse should ever blindly trust their spouse. Trust but verify. Stay the course. If she isn't doing anything wrong she shouldn't mind. Right?

Did you read the snooping article I posted to you? Anything I've posted to you?

Trying to help you, my friend.

I have close friends. Of the same sex. I am surviving an affair and have needed and relied on my friends more than any other point in my life. I have NEVER sent a friend 100+ texts a day. At my lowest, I may have reached 20 a day. But 100+???

I recently helped one of my friend's discover her WH's affair. He was texting 1600+ texts a month to OW. It started as a "friendship" with OW often giving marital advice. My friend and her H are now in recovery, and he admits it was an addiction. He can see that, now that he is out of the fog and through withdrawal.

100+ texts a day is an addiction.

An addiction that has gone underground. Or possibly an attempt to end it. Unless you snoop and expose, it will reignite.

Protect yourself and your marriage. SNOOP. EXPOSE.

Well done wren, on taking some steps to snoop. Keep this up. Snoop harder. Because you have doubts. And doubt will cripple a marriage. Also, I say, trust your gut. I know mine was screaming at me that WH was having an affair, I just didn't want to trust that instinct over the man I had trusted for 18 years. MB'ers were screaming at me that H was having an affair. I argued with them, just as you are. They were right.

I hope we are all wrong. But you need to prove it. In the best interests of your marriage.

Sorry wren, but been where you are and got the postcard. I argued exactly the same.

Get access to FB and emails. You need to know the truth, either way.

You admit an EA. You have a duty to protect your marriage from this EA going further if it hasn't already. And that requires the truth.

Does your W know about the camera? If she does, then it's not an effective tool for snooping on activities when you're not around.

Because there is always the back door... Waywards lie, cheat and sneak. Its what they do.

A cheater won't always let the OM in through the front door knowing you can see the CCTV, only to let him leave later on smoking a cigarette....

An affair by its very nature is a secret.

Caracal is right. Do YOU have ANY friends, of either sex, that you text 100 times a day??? I have a very close female friend who I talk to almost daily, we do NOT talk for hours, text 100 times/day, and she certainly doesn't have 'sleepovers' with me either.

You keep talking about whether or not your WW is having an affair. She IS having an affair. Many of her important EN's are being met by this other man (and the one before that). Even if they are not having sex, which is disputable, she is having an EA with him, no question.

You said you didn't come here to get advice on whether she is having an affair, but rather, what to do to feel loved. Here's the thing. While she has OTHER MEN in her life, fulfilling her needs, men that she invests much more time and energy into than you and your marriage, you WILL feel unloved and ignored. Because she is giving her love and attention to someone else. There is NO possible way she can have an intimate relationship with another man, and still have an intimate and loving relationship with you.

Whether they are having sex or not, you need to draw a line in the sand here. You need to let her know that you need her to commit to rebuilding your relationship, and she cannot do that with her 'friend' in the picture. If he really is a friend, he will have no problem stepping back to give his 'friends' space to work on their marriage.

In the meantime, you need to find out the truth about these affairs. I think everyone would agree that there is more to the story than you have been told. Regarding OM1 and OM2 (friend), and perhaps there are 'friends' you don't even know about. I am not trying to make you paranoid here, but it is clear your wife has very few boundaries around men. Although I'm not sure why she would have to hide anything, since you apparently let her do whatever she wants IN FRONT OF YOU without telling her to stop. You can continue to snoop. You could also arrange a polygraph and tell your wife that to move forward you need to know the TRUTH about the nature of the relationship she has/had with OM1, OM2, and any other male 'friends' she may have had you don't know about.

So let's break it down to some action plan items.

1) Clean up your side of the street. Stop the porn! Also, you need to put away the xbox and grow up a little here. I know you're young, but you chose a very adult life when you chose to get married early, and that is now your priority.

2) If you haven't read about EN's (Emotional Needs) and LB's (Love Busters) on this website, please do so. You have already admitted that you have detached from your wife and given free reign to other men to step in and fill the needs you haven't been filling (even playing xbox while they cooked dinner in the other room together? seriously dude, put the xbox down). You will need to try and figure out your wifes top EN's and work diligently to meet those EN's. I would guess that conversation/affection/admiration and perhaps domestic support are right up there at the top for her.

3) While you are becoming a GREAT husband, one that anyone would love to be married to, you also need to grow a pair, as some of the male posters on here would say! You are opening your doors to multiple men, who are swooping in to have an intimate relationship with YOUR WIFE, while you play xbox to 'escape.' CLOSE THE DOOR. This is YOUR WIFE, not their wife. Doesn't it make you just a little bit annoyed that these men are getting from your wife what YOU should be getting??? Demand that it stop. Also, no woman is attracted to a weak minded man who they can walk all over!

4) Find out the TRUTH. Keep snooping, you seem like you are really good at it. And like I said, I would schedule a polygraph. If your wife has been truthful with you about the nature of her relationships (even though that would STILL mean they are EA's and both of you just don't realize that), she should not oppose one. If, however, she is hiding something she WILL oppose one, or feel the need to confess something.

That's a good start. You are in the right place to have a support team to help you through this! The vets on this site are amazing at helping people save marriages, and you are lucky to have stumbled on this information while you are young because if you do this right you could have a long beautiful life and marriage ahead of you!