Sorry you are in a bad space today.

The only thing that helps me not DJ in my head (I tend to stem out on the negative when I get to that place) is when I see a glimps of something in my H that I need. No matter how small. I have to force myself to thank him for something, even if I really do not WANT to thank him because I feel it is something that should be done anyway. I am working on that. Thank you for that one sock making it near the hamper. It may not have been both socks, and it may not even be IN the hamper, but sometimes that is good as it is going to get.

Start small? Can you think of anything?

I'm really trying but these buts keep popping up geeesh !!!! I know they are out there.

Ok I got one ..... He always made sure the animals had fresh water.

This is really bad !!!! I will keep thinking.

Just at the moment the bad out weigh the good.

Well, he cared that they were well cared for - that goes deeper than just a bowl of fresh water, right?

You are right !

He really is a good guy for the most part or I wouldn't have been with him all of these years.

I'm begining to realise I'm doing most of the dammage in my head.

Trying to write down 3 postive things about him a day. It has been really hard to come up with 3 different a day.

But I will keep trying.

Here are some ideas of things that you can admire; some are typical for separated families:

Goes to work every day.

Calls you.

Comes over to help out when you need it.

Gives you money to support the house.

Gentle with the children.

Took responsibility all those years ago, and stayed with you once he found about about PG1.

Takes care of the cars/yard--or whatever thing he does/did around the house.

Puts up with you when you are emotional and/or needy.

Anything you miss that he did when he was home?

Clean up after himself; help with the children; take care of the animals; help with the shopping; help you move things/reach things on high shelves.

Anything you love about him/his body?

I love the way my husband smells with or without cologne. I love his hands. His beautiful, piercing blue eyes. He has amazing lips. He always dresses very well. He has great legs. He has the right amount of body hair and it's a very nice color.

You can tell him what you miss. I would miss touching my husband. I would miss kissing him. Seeing his face. Hearing his laugh. Listening to his stories. I would miss making dinner for him. I would miss touching him and waking up next to him.

8th grader I know that you don't feel there is much to admire right now. But how you cultivate a spirit of gratitude and appreciation is to BE grateful and appreciative. I find that the more I look for to express my gratitude, the more I see to appreciate.

good luck.

Thank you Telly !

You brought up some very good reminders.

Everyone helping me on here has been great! The bad has out weighed the good for so long all I see & what runs through my head are the bad.

Not the great man I married.

I spoke with Dr J last night & she gave me some ideas on how to stop the dj's in my head.

I believe even thou I am not speaking them he is feeling them when I speak & he can see them in my eyes.

Which in turn is being just as hurtful.

I want to thank you again. You slapped me in the face & I needed that.

Please keep up with my thread & continue to slap me when I need it

I am so bogged down by resentment & could of , should of's I am not seeing clearly the man he is.

Even if he never comes on board with MB. I'm learning to get my hatefullness out of the way.

I do not want him to ever feel I hate him. That's just not me.

That's the monster I have become.

Thanks again Telly you gave me hope , thats it's not over , I have a lot rebuilding to do.

Well I'm back to post the new saga. A lot has happened over the last couple of months. I'm notifing mods to move this thread.

I am now offically a BS. This is all like a bad dream to me. I do not know which end is up anymore.

The weekend of June 17th we went away for the weekend.I planned this little mini vacay totally around him. We had a bump on the way down there but it got worked out. We get to our cabin & to my suprise very limited cell service. Great maybe we can have a real vacay without the texting. 1st day or so went great,2nd day good, 3rd day he found places with signal to text. We still had a good time but every time he picked up that phone a shock went thru me.

We get back to our cabin & get ready for dinner. Had a nice dinner out on way back had another spat about cops being all over & him talking on his cell phone & driving in a strange city not paying attention. So anyway the nite went down hill from there. Earlier when he was in the shower I had checked his phone & there was incoming messages but no outgoing.

So anyway I took a bath & he went to bed. Well as I was getting ready for bed his phone was on the charger & I checked it. Low & behold there was outgoing messages that didn't go thru because of the service.

one of the messages said : I love you dear that's why we make such a good couple. WTF this from someone he always said was a male friend. So I started checking the address book & comapring phone#'s this defintely was not his male friends phone#.

Started crying pretty much had guessed who the person was just needed confirmation.

Sat & cried for a couple of hours finally fell asleep for about 1hr or so. Got back up & he got up little while later.

He confirmed who it was & they had NOT done anything. He instisted upon this. I let on that I have the phone#'s out of his phone. He just goes weird defending her & saying I'm not going to start trouble with her & he promised her this wouldn't happen. To the point he physically was trying to get my phone away from me to delete the phone#'s out of it. I was so hurt he was protecting her & goin to those lengths to do so. Well I wasn't dumb enough to put them in my phone anyway. lol
This went on for several hours. Back & forth. He was given a choice me or her he has 1wk to decide.
We get ready to come home very long 5hr drive. Our DD meets us @ home & wants to hang out. Several more long hours he finally leaves.

So anyway I didn't talk to him all week except for a text from him saying I wasn't protecting her I was protecting you. WTF

Saturday comes & he says he has made his choice. He wants to be 100% committed to me. I tell him well 1st step is moving back home. He says well I need to find out if I can break my lease. Fine see what you can do. Any how we are suppose to be leaving on a family vacay to his family's on the following Friday. So Tues comes & We are on the phone & he tells me his whole family (except for Mother ) knows we have been seperated. And I am like WTF we agreed we wasn't going to tell the families till we figured this out. Well I have some thing else to tell you to & I am like what now ???? Me & OW having been having an affair for the last 2yrs !!!!!!!! I just burst out crying I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe it. More was said don't remember a whole lot of it now. I was pretty much in shock & numb. Got thru the next day & started writing my exposure e-mail & I made a fatal mistake. I asked him if I should send it.

He came over later that night to get mower out for me. We talked & sorted some of it out. He spent the night & hadn't decide if I was going on the family vacay or not at that point.

Well dd got involved & I ended up going. We talked a lot on the trip & got some of it out in the open. Had a good time with his family was on pins & needles the whole time knowing his family knew he confessed to his sis in nov he was screwing around & you know how word travels thru families. He was some what considerate with his phone limited texting etc.

Monday July 5th comes & there was a family incident with his younger brother that was very hard & stressful on his mother so we just kind of hung out that evening grilling & visitng.

About 11:00pm or so he says I'm going to bed since we were leaving the next morning. I sit up talking to his Sis because she still had not said a word to me.

Gotta go finish this later before I lose it.lol

You should have sent those emails and exposed his affair, I am soo sorry you had to find out you should start reading scotty's newly betrayed spouses...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

Thank you sapphire I am starting to agree. But the saga isn't finished yet. Will continue when I get more time.

wrong section!!!