Dang those nightmares. Dr. Harley talked to a woman on the radio show about her nightmares and suggested sleep aide, but with you being pregnant ask your doctor first.

So like the Queen's in Plan B get some nail polish and color away or go and get a pedicure or manicure.

So I had nightmares last night involving WH. Bad ones. Ones that left me awake and pretty much paralyzed in bed, unable to shake the feelings.

On the bright side, they weren't the type that give me any inclination to contact him, perhaps ever. On the not so bright side, they make me want to curl into the fetal position and never leave my bed again. I'm up and around now, but still can't seem to get them out of my mind.

So real. Convoluted. But real. Traumatic. More than I've ever felt in dreams. Even woke up with that feeling you get when you snoop and find the worst possible thing (shock, rage, etc.)

I took the kids out for donuts, just because I had to get up and do something. The traumatized feeling just isn't going away.

Already have, and I can take almost any OTC sleeping aid. Unfortunately, they knock me out cold and my kids don't usually sleep well so I don't risk it.

The dreams are good, though they dont feel it.

Every successful Plan Ber I know went through those dreams and came out the other side. They are a key stage.

The ones where I beat OW's face into the cement were enjoyable. Sometimes, other ones would have me convinced that I would reach to the other side of the bed and find WH there. After more than 2 years in PB, I get dreams about WH rarely. It is part of the process, and definitely not a fun part. And I know that when I was pregnant, my dreams were more vivid and strange. I can only imagine what is happening to you now.

I've had those. Except they were of me savagely beating WH in the face with a baseball bat. And I was always awake, like it was some sort of vision. The ADs have stopped them completely, so perhaps I was dangerously close to bordering on homicidal.



Pregnancy is once of the few times I dream and remember. And thinking back, they were always not great dreams to begin with.

It's just weird, because this nightmare was pretty specific, almost like a warning of my future if I allowed my WH in my life without real change on his part. It was less about cheating exactly, and focused more on the lies in general and how they would continue and muck up my life further. His friends were there, many of them, playing different parts, all pretty accurately. Sort of cementing my resolve that those friends are part of the problem and need to be removed from our lives if we are to have a life together.

The more I think about it, the dream gets less traumatic and more educational. Like my subconscious trying to tell me exactly why I need to be doing what I'm doing now. It's very A Christmas Carol - if things don't change, this is your future.

Absolutely. One of the dreams I remember from my beginnings of Plan B, had WH come to my home. We were out in his car(apparently I wasn't letting him inside). We started kissing, and then I stopped and said, "I'm not supposed to be doing this. You haven't ended the affair yet." Then I woke up. You're processing all of the events and changes in your life. Completely NORMAL. Not easy, but normal.

Today was completely useless where nothing was accomplished at all.

My morning was messed up by my reaction to the nightmare last night.

The afternoon was sort of sucked up by needing to restrain myself from breaking no contact. I had the insane need to tell him how much he sucks. Manage to avoid acting on that impulse.

Early evening had me on edge, worrying that he was going to show up for the weekend visitation late even though I told him through the IM not to come if he couldn't be on time.

And from then until now, I've reverted back to angry that he can't bother to change his life to at least see the kids. Or give me the money he didn't bother dropping off. I cancelled lunch tomorrow with my college friend. Changed the RSVP for the party with my other friend to include the kids. And wondered how anyone could blow off their kids for something else, no matter what it was.

It's safe to say I did nothing for me at all today. I let him into my head all day. Without his having to do anything at all. Not a good day.

Jennifer, sorry to hear that. It is just a setback, though, and right now it seems particularly hard because even though you are planning things for both eventualities, you still are taking him into account in your plans. Is this the second weekend in a row that he failed to get the kids? If so, maybe something stricter with your IM would be helpful. For instance, he needs to confirm 48 hours in advance of the weekend pick up if he plans to do it. That way, it won't hang over your head until the very last minute.

Have you tried journaling or writing what you're thinking? It might help you process every thing. I know I've typed up more than a few rants over the years, and it always really helps me get things out of my head. Journalling helps too. Or write a letter to H about how much he sucks, then burn it (oooh, that could be fun!) It's okay to do things that involve thoughts of him if they make you feel better...like writing a letter to him. Just don't actually break no-contact and you'll be fine

Anyway, at least your weekend has some fun "for you" plans. Is there any sort of mom's day out group you could join, to get some extra support and community? Mother's of preschoolers perhaps? If you breastfeed, la leche league can be a wonderful resource and support network. Try to give yourself good, healthy chances to socialize, you'll have some of your ENs met and start filling up the holes left behind by your WH.

I know you didn't mean it to sound funny, but that should be one of those "quotable quotes" or something.

I'd urge you to try to reschedule the lunch with the old friend--even if it's just bologna sandwiches on a budget. I'm sure she'd understand, and you could probably use a little adult conversation.

Oh, and make sure you write down all of the times that he does and does not keep to the visitation schedule.

Document when he does and does not give you money. Also keep track of what your money is spent on...all of this being for future reference in case he tries to raise a stink about finances or custody in court.

The nightmares can really mess with you. It can be hard to.shake. What i have to do is the same thing i have to do with my kids, distraction. Could be something simple, organize the pantry, color your nails, make some cookies etc.

Also can be challenging and also annoying when we allow them space in our head while in plan B. I tricked myself and play a stupid game. I imagine i open a little door in my brain and say "ok, it is time for you to go, bye" and i close the door. Silly, i end up giggling at myself. It usually works and then i distract myself with something else.

Yes, this is the second weekend he was supposed to take the kids and didn't. After last time with no notification at all, my IM told him he had to give at least 24 hours notice if he wasn't coming. He asked is he could come late this time a couple days ago and was told no, on time or not at all. So I knew he wasn't coming late and pretty much figured that meant he wasn't coming at all.



I may try journalling. I actually thought a lot about it today. Maybe write a letter in the journal or something. Actually typing it up is dangerous for me because one split second impulse and I've sent it off. But with something handwritten, it's not like I could get it to him before I realized what a bad idea that would be.

I've been doing that since Plan B started. Visits, no shows, cancellations, money from him, money out, requests sent through IM and the break in Plan B when he showed up on my doorstep and what he said.

Journal writing is a VERY good idea.


Don't diminish the greatness of this in the beginning of Plan B. Having the strength to not follow through with these impulses is HUGE. You ROCK. Although you may feel like it wasn't a good PB day, I would call it a GREAT one. One with NC early into the withdrawal phase is HUGE. GREAT JOB.

I did sort of the same thing with - I am done thinking about you now - and moving on to something else. It just was not working today. Kept popping back up with different emotions attached.

I had the strength solely because I refuse to break my own no contact.

Now if he were to come up to me on the street, I don't think there would be a force in the world that could stop me from telling him how much he sucks. Even though I know it's not like he would agree, or apologize or respond in any useful way.

I can only exert my control as far as not breaking my own no contact. Anything less opens to door to FR. I need him full of remorse, going through the IM by his own choice. Telling him how much he sucks won't facilitate that.

Besides, he has to already know how much I think he sucks. If he doesn't then it's doubtful that saying it now will make any difference.

But having no contact with the WS IS a GREAT PB day. Is a PB success. Especially at the beginning. Celebrate it. Even when you don't want to. There is going to come a time when you will focus more fully on not giving your WH one thought, but that takes a bit of time.

Now, you do have your standard response to say to him should he ambush you, right? As much as you would LOVE to say these types of things, you shouldn't give into those impulses.

Now, get some rest. You deserve it.

X2

Now X3!

Keep hanging in there and give yourself a well-earned pat on the back Jen.