Sorry, no Polar Bears and Grizzlies down here. Hey wait. Why should I be sad about bears that can eat me not being anywhere around?

I LOVE nature, and these are a lot of places to go hiking and take some beautiful pics.

Grrr, I am pi$$ed off at the moment.

Went to the police having finally scored an appointment to give my statement about a friend whose OW is breaching intervention (restraining?) order to contact FWH.

After waiting for an hour at the scheduled appointment, the police officer was arrogant, and dismissive. I raised that the law was being broken and causing a lot of harm to my friends as a result. His response... "I have no sympathy for them".

I expressed concern fom my friend, the BS, who is INNOCENT and her children who are INNOCENT. His response... "They are not my concern"

I think the look on my face said it all. He did tone it down after that, but still told me to stay out of it, or it would "suck me dry".

Another words folks, according to local law enforcement, I should have turned a blind eye to this crime. He seemed resentful of the fact I was going to make him take my statement and follow up with OW. I (politely believe it or not) raised that BW and FWH had to pay a lot of money for the intervention order and expected it to be upheld by police... "Oh, do they charge for that?" was the response.

It looks like I am going to be a witness at Court... police officer said having previously interviewed her on "suspected" breaches, OW will plead not guilty.

Caracal,

I would wager that this police officer is either a current or recent wayward. His demeanor and comment smacks of a lack of empathy typical of waywards.

It's funny. Four years post d-day, I can almost smell them coming. Before that, I was totally oblivious.

AM

I know what you mean. It makes it hard to focus on anything but the bullpucky you keep picking up.

The law can be so frustrating, it doesn't always help those its designed to protect and it certainly doesn't uphold moral values. I've found it frustrating here no way of preventing OW having access to my children. The fact that she is immoral, manipulative and a negtive influence on my children isn't grounds for the children being at risk, so I can't prevent access.

Contact his superior and make a complaint. If he's too lazy to do his job, they should know.


You got me all teary, when you were talking about watching pregnant women and babies. Exactly same thing. Stil a bit tender about that though much better. Right after Dday I was talking about having my eggs frozen!

There was what should have been a really nice moment in my sisters house, right after she brought her new daughter home. They wanted to keep trying for a girl and she had two boys, my DNs, already.

DN5 was just overjoyed and couldnt sit still. He kept gravitating towards mum and new little sister, looking at her,asking questions about her in between playing with toys. DN2 was playing with toys too, but he could go ten minutes without toddling over and dropping a kiss on the baby's head. My sister was just glowing. She was full to the brim with happiness. Her family was complete.

It's a hard thing to be happy for your kid sister and in pain at the same time. I had to go into the kitchen and get myself together.

My sister knows I've struggled with the whole fear of never having kids. She thinks it is totally dumb, given my age and that the women in our family have kids well into their forties.
She told me she felt the same way when her boyfriend of four years cheated on her with a friend because she thought she would be years getting over it. She thought she wouldnt have children. She was 19!!!!

But its hard, I got engaged at 18. I thought I could snap my fingers and have children whenever i wanted. now the path is murky.

I agree with you on one thing though. We'd be better mothers as a result of all this stuff.

Mothers who had their children later in life tend to be much more patient. I think it is precisely because of some of the fears they had before they had their children.

Caracal, I'm mad at that Police officer and I'm half a world away. :shaking fist:

Me too!!

What a friend Caracal for standing up against infidelity.

Indie, thanks for reassuring me that I was not alone in this... Sperm donors, eggs frozen, adoption from foreign countries were all mentioned. My poor conservative father was having kittens... I still tease him that I may bring more than a postcard home from China

I know this feeling too well. I worried after D Day that maybe this was a sign that I wasn't meant to have children.

Now I take it that I wasn't meant to have them with a wayward.

Thanks all for letting me vent, and being angry with me.

Its been a low week in Plan B. The arrogant police officer was the final straw I guess.

I had an overseas friend pass away, his wife contacted me in total shock. These people took H and I in during a time of need in our travels, and did everything to help us. I admit to thinking about whether Gollum should be told. But I immediately realised if he wanted to stay a part of people's lives he has to do this himself.

I also discovered my uncle, whose wife recently passed away, has started "dating" a gold-digger who is responsible for breaking up at least two marriages. My aunt passed away less than two months ago. I'm disappointed in him. I realise he is grieving, and vulnerable, I just thought he would been stronger than this. My mother is furious. His son and DIL have shown themselves to be good MB'ers... the son said he would not want anything to do with the gold-digger and would sell the family business to minimise any contact. I think this has made my uncle pause, at least I hope so.

I also got draft letter from my solicitor and seeing things in black and white isn't easy. I did wonder in no-fault countries, how others letters have been worded. I am not yet divorced, so just wanted to run this past you.

"I advise that I have received instructions to act on behalf of your wife, Caracal. I am instructed by Caracal that your marriage has broken down irretrievably and that a final separation took place on 18 May 2011."

I would prefer this to read that the marriage has broken down irretrievably due to Gollum's affair. Anyone from Aus or NZ or other countries with no-fault had this happen?

I also am not sure if I should wait for the divorce papers to be served before sending this, or proceed now. I initially wanted to proceed, but seeing the papers has made me hesitate.

i've seen underbelly - your cops could use a 2x4! lmao, i'm sure they must be different now, though your experience tells me not much.

good for you, caracal! especially since you don't like confrontation :O)

I'm sorry about your friend. That must have been a shock. There's also the nagging 'I would be dealing with this differently were I still married' thought which seems to be something I can't help thinking whenever anything bad happens.



I think I hate no fault. I'm really feeling for you here Caracal, having to read that summary as it's so dismissive of your marriage, what you tried to do and what really happened.

I was a bit 'poor me' because I couldnt file for adultery, as you need iron clad proof of sexual intercourse such as pics or a pregnancy. Not even a hotel receipt will do.

But UK law considers texting 'I love you' to another woman to be Unreasonable Behaviour and I could proceed on those grounds.

When I got my Decree Nisi papers, the forms also ask about the effect of the UB on the petitioner (me) and my solictor has said I 'endured considerable upset and distress to the detriment of her everyday life'.

Couldn't have put it better myself. The best bit about seeing that was it was unexpected. She never asked me or told me she was putting that. In fact she's only met me twice and has never asked me about my distress. I suppose she's just very used to the effects of adultery. She simply sent me the form and asked me to mark anything that was inaccurate or needed changing.

Softlads solicitors continuallly send letters saying he denies the UB, denies my reasons for divorce...but that he will let me have my way and not fight it. So the truth is accurately reflected in the court papers.

The original papers even contain a complete narrative, right down to his refusing to abide by what I asked for in my Plan B letter.

But the financial fallout is just as much mine as his. I do think he should be forced to pay for the situation his behaviour put me in.

I wish all countries took a tough stance on adultery and I think the divorce process should care better for BSs.

cara, i hope my little story will give you some hope.

i had conceded that i would never have a child. family history of miscarriage & infant mortality, no use of BC, coupled w/my lupus and H low sperm count...doctor said we would need IVF or adopt. period.

three months later, after a rather boozy-filled xmas party, i found myself pregnant! the pregnancy was extremely difficult, and baby needed an early delivery, but i ended up with a beautiful girl, who is now, as you know, 18. no other children came after, and i had a complete hysterectomy at the young age of 32 due to "female" problems. but i had the child i had wanted, and H was more than happy w/1.

life works in mysterious ways. while i don't believe in "god's plan," i do believe that when you put forth your best effort (like you are in PB), the positive energy you generate brings good things your way (no, i haven't read the secret!).

at 34, you still have a very good chance to meet a quality man and have a family with someone who loves you wholeheartedly. so, kinda like when god (if you will) sees you have healed from your pain, he will send a good man in your direction. in the meantime, keep working your PB!

wow Caracal u have been through a lot since I last checked. FB exposures....OC....ur so strong, I mean that.

You deserve so much more from someone and you will find it

The legal process is what it is. It will drudge up feelings that have seemingly faded and sting yet once again and ur progress will feel nil at times, but hang in there.

I think you should move forward if u feel comfortable, personally I wanted nothing to do with the destruction of our marriage so I made my ExWW do all the legal pushing. Out of spite? Probably some. I was done, I wasn't going back no matter what transpired, but it was important to me that the divorce was not initiated by me.

We are both coming up on the one year mark and I will admit some feelings are being shuffled around. So you are not alone......

I truly believe nothing good will ever transpire for people who have caused so much pain to those around them. And that is what they have done, created a tornado of destruction for themselves.

You have a clear conscious, knowing you did everything you could, it's not always clean, but you are fighting the good fight with everything you have. You should be proud, you should be happy, good things will come.

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

Your words do give me hope Letty, so thanks. I am grateful that despite my biological clock ticking, I am not rushing out for revenge affairs or seeking a bandaid. I want to heal first. And I am. I know that, I can really feel it now.

I am doing the same thing Finah. I will not file the papers. No way. That is his responsibility. HE has destroyed our marriage.

I asked my solicitor to reword the property settlement papers (that is what I am now pursuing), so it read that the "due to Gollum's affair, the marriage has broken down irretrievably". This gave me a lot of satisfaction. In black and white, I will not accept responsibility for his decision to have an affair.

Thanks Happy. All is good for me. I have been preoccupied with some financial stuff and some great Plan B things, wining and dining with friends, mother's day and looking into buying my first home!!! I will wait and see what the banks have to say come Wednesday, fingers crossed for me though!

I did have a learning experience happen at work that reminded me of how high I need to keep my boundaries. I will post it because it is embarrassing and funny and made me again appreciate the wisdom of MB and the LB$.

One of my male colleagues has recently separated from his wife. I have been steering well clear of him as he is the sort that is prowling. I have thought to myself that he is not my type and the last sort I would look for post-divorce. We do not see eye to eye on many things.

Well, my filing cabinet broke, and I caught it before the files hit the ground. It was heavy, and I was trying desperately to lift it back onto the rails. Colleague quickly came to my rescue, lifting it for me and with screwdriver in hand he promptly fixed it.

I stood there holding the toolbox, almost SWOONING from this guy meeting an EN of mine. I actually started thinking "WOW, maybe he isn't so bad after all and gee whiz, its nice to have a man do this for me".

Thank-you MB, because I recognised the thoughts and had to laugh at myself. Caracal, get a grip, this is waywardism at its finest.

Don't worry, no more swooning for me.

Glad to hear you're doing well my friend.

It's tough to keep your lovebank protected when you're in Plan B. I love how the Harley's say "it's your job to keep your lovebank protected from others".

You are doing so well Caracal. Worried about kimino.

Glad to hear your well. How exciting buying first house for yourself. I hope all goes well with the bank.

I've had a few things like that. An example of someone's skill in needs meeting just crosses your path and appeals to you in a way you couldnt have anticipated.

A guy selling me a mobile phone who ridiculously met my PA need. I had to sit on my hands to avoid taking his card.

A man who danced really really well (my top RC need)at a family party. Couldnt help thinking how much I like it when a man can lead. Didnt say two words to him all night!

Without MB I could have slipped down those slippery slopes. I get what you're saying about how knowledge really helps you avoid the pitfalls...