Fantastic I will be listening. Thanks for letting us know?

RQ,

I saw kiss has an apt with Steve. That is fabulous. Will you be speaking with him also?

What did you think of your call with the Harleys?

BH,

Yes, I am very happy about it! The appointment is on my birthday too.

The call with the Harleys helped me a great deal. I think I can get now move on with marriagebuilding materials and stop waiting for something that will take time to happen. Dr. Harley also said to give my family time and just stay away from them for now.

I'm off to DD7 ballgame right now. I'll try to listen to my radio clip later!

Wow what a Birthday gift. Did you give kiss a big hug and tell him how proud you are of him?
So are you going to let him move back in?

Glad to see you're on the road to recovery.

Let us know how your apt with Steve goes.

Brainhurts, Yes, he definitely knows how proud of him I am and when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him that he already gave me something by making the appt.
I will take notes and pass the info on. I'm kind of nervous because I don't know what to expect or what questions we should ask.

Relax and enjoy your birthday, my friend.

Steve will make you feel very relaxed and handle it.

Thank you!

Sooo, I just took a crappy walk down memory lane while mowing the lawn. I started thinking of all the lies that kiss had told me, all the games he played with my head and my heart. How he would tell me he loved me and missed me and I would give him another chance and then he would have sex with skank the next day. Not once but twice! So much pain and hurt.

I know he is different from they way he was then but how do you know that for sure?

BH, I realized that I didn't answer your question earlier about kiss moving in. I don't think I failed to answer intentionally. But when I think about the answer, I have to say that I honestly don't know. I think the pain of the past is still holding me back.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully I'll be out of my funk before kiss comes over after work

You'll know he's changed when it becomes so obvious that you don't even need to ask the question..... Other than a complete change of psyche, you still have a pig, but with lipstick.

tst- I am surprised that you say that. Can you tell me why? I felt that our recovery was going well and we are looking forward to speaking to the coaching center on Tuesday. I'm interested in your viewpoint.

RQ

RQ,

If you feel things are going well, why are you asking this question?

YOU are the only one that knows your husband intimately. Either you feel he has made a complete change in his psyche or he's just a con.

And why would you be suprised by my saying this? When I came home the first time and I was no more than a pig that had put on lipstick. It was a false recovery!

The real recovery was unmistakeable to my wife because she could see I had a complete change of psyche.

Wow listen to your radio clip again. I think it was very optimistic, don't you think?

Did you have kiss listen? What did you both think?
I figured Dr. Harley would say for your family to stay out of it for now.

Sorry for your funk today. Did you get out of it? I would keep looking forward and your appointment with Steve Harley. I am excited for you about this. Like Dr. Harley says "he thinks you're on the right road to recovery".

I hope you feel my hug for you

tst - I do feel that he has changed a lot. He is doing everything I ask of him and meeting my needs every day. It's just my own fear of going through "that" again. That is something I need to work on.

BH- we did listen to it together last night. Kiss said that it wasn't true that he blames me for the affair, which took a weight off my shoulders. He also didn't like that Dr. Harley called him "foggish". LOL

I think we are on the right track to recovery and I know that these funks will happen but will happen less and less. I am looking forward to our appointment and interested to see how SH will help us. We also ordered one of the workbooks and kiss ordered HNHN on audio book.

Do you think he is still "foggish"?

He was foggy when it came to him defending his A with skank and he was foggish when he was justifying it (his first post). But now that the A is over and we don't talk about it, he's not. KWIM?

I know exactly what you mean, RQ. That's how it went with my H too at the beginning of recovery.

The workbook will help you guys TREMENDOUSLY, I feel.

And I agree with HPB: I knew immediately when H was really ready for recovery. Something was different. Of course...that doesn't mean that I wasn't still fearful or that I trusted him immediately or that everything was great at that point. I just knew when he the tipping point had been reached.

Let me tell you how to let go of that fear; by knowing full well that should you get a whiff of him heading down infidel lane ever again, you will scuttle his tailpipe so fast it will make his head spin, and you will never see or speak to him again.

Maybe... MAYBE you thought this before you actually had to deal with this in actuality. But, NOW you need to KNOW - make a promise to yourself - that he will be amputated like a cancerous limb if he does not live up to your terms for the continuation of this marriage. You need to steel yourself that should this occur, that your life will go on, and can be a full, happy, satisfying life without him. Once you know that you can extend that branch to him; join me, or don't.


What did Dr. H say about your situation of separation right now? You know that the work of recovery will actually work better and faster if you are in the same home? Sleeping in the same bed.

How about this; quit circling the pool dipping your toe, and get in the water.

Making a full attempt at recovery does not immediately relinquish your right to divorce.


Give it a 6 months of SOLID effort. If that goes well, give it another 6 months. If those go well, give it another year.

If after 2 years your marriage isn't better than it ever was before his affair(s?), then divorce.


6 months of full steam ahead will give you a better idea than a year of a one-cheek job.

Sunny, I'm glad that made sense to someone. I'm hoping after the coaching session tomorrow that I will accept that he is fully "on board"

HHH- Thank you! I did make it quite clear to kiss that any contact with OW and we are done! I know that I have the strength to follow through on that and be better than OK standing on my own. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Dr. H did say that we should be living together under the same roof. He has been at the house often and spending the night. He just hasn't physically moved his things in. In fact a few people have told me to have faith and jump in but I have been afraid of a false recovery. Guess it's time to get the whole body wet...

VERY wise post by HHH!!!

So when are you going to listen to Dr. H?

So sorry about the problems with your family. That doesn't help when you need a support system.

What do you think about Dr. Harley's advice about telling your family to "back off for now"?

Here are your clips so others can listen too.

Radio clip of RQ
Segment #2