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BH- I'll have to go all in soon. I need to talk to him about it.

I know that you have seen the recent post on kiss's thread. And while I appreciate their intentions, they are not helping things. I've told them that if they can't support me and continue to criticise me then I will have to stay away from them. It's tearing me up but as Dr Harley said "they are complicating an already complicated matter". We need to focus on recovering us first.

Thanks for posting the clips. You rock!

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
BH- I'll have to go all in soon. I need to talk to him about it.
I know that you have seen the recent post on kiss's thread. And while I appreciate their intentions, they are not helping things. I've told them that if they can't support me and continue to criticise me then I will have to stay away from them. It's tearing me up but as Dr Harley said "they are complicating an already complicated matter". We need to focus on recovering us first.

Thanks for posting the clips. You rock!
Yes I saw your family's response. I just hope they respect Dr. Harley's advice to you.

Keep us updated on what Steve says.

I hope you take Dr. H's advice. smile

Well tomorrow's your day. You have your apt with Steve and it's your HappyBirthday

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RocketQueen!!!!!

I hope you take some time off and just have a good time today.

smile


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

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Awwww, thank you!

Kiss is on the phone now with SH, I'm anxiously awaiting my turn. LOL

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Awwww, thank you!

Kiss is on the phone now with SH, I'm anxiously awaiting my turn. LOL

How was your birthday? How did your call go with Steve?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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It was a great day, lots of UA time with kiss. Then we all went out to dinner at this little Mexican restaurant. The Macarena came on so I made the kids get up and do it with me LOL! It was a lot of fun!

The call with Steve went really good. We are working on "healing the injury" and "getting it cleaned out". Kiss felt very good about the call and said he was very comfortable with it. SH asked us to fill out another EN questionnaire and the Lovebusters questionnaire for our next appointment. I felt really good about the session and am glad that it finally happened. It was a very wonderful birthday!

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You know I'm going to ask.

What did Steve say about having kiss move back in?

What did he say about your family?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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He said to listen to the wise words I was already given and that the recovery and re-building would be much easier to do and see if we are living together. I spoke to kiss briefly about it but we did not set a date for it. I'll speak to him about it agian.

We did not speak about my family. It was difficult not speaking to my mother on my birthday but she did text me smile

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So since you've now been told by Dr. Harley and Steve Harley that he should move back in.

Do you feel better about having him move back in?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I'm working on it....It's just hard. The house I m in now is where I had to go to get away from him and his cake-eating. It is/was my safe haven. That's hard to let go of even though he is here most of the time. I also feel a little bit of resentment. He put me, my kids, and my family through months of hell. Now I'm supposed to just let him get back everything he lost? What about what I lost??

Sorry, I needed to vent I guess. Feeling a bit of the anger today.

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
I'm working on it....It's just hard. The house I m in now is where I had to go to get away from him and his cake-eating. It is/was my safe haven. That's hard to let go of even though he is here most of the time. I also feel a little bit of resentment. He put me, my kids, and my family through months of hell. Now I'm supposed to just let him get back everything he lost? What about what I lost??

Sorry, I needed to vent I guess. Feeling a bit of the anger today.


RQ,

My H moved out (originally to have his own affair but even after it ended he was still reluctant to come back) and I begged him to come back. He said he wanted to but he felt a lot like you. He did not know what he wanted, did not want to be hurt again, felt like I had not suffered enough for what I did etc...

It was very hard but I did give him his space for awhile. I then however decided that we were not going anywhere without living together under the same roof. Even if you get time together it is just not the same.

I know it was hard for both of us for him to come home. At first he constantly reminded me that this was a trial basis and that he was really home for the kids sake more than my own. It hurt to hear this but I know that it is what he needed to say and feel in order to take the next step.

HHH could not have given you better advice. Take it one day at a time but honestly to truly recover you have to do it under one roof. Otherwise you are in limbo. I know you are scared and it will be scary for awhile (I saw this in my H's eyes and still see it at times) but you have to work together under one roof to rebuild and make your marriage safe and sound.

My H and I have just started really feeling whole again. I can guarantee that we would not feel this way however if we were not under the same roof, working together.



Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11

Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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15, Thank you. What you say (and what HHH said) makes so much sense. But you're right, it is really scary. I feel like the little kid on the super high diving board saying "Ok, this time I REALLY am gonna jump!"

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Well, I tried to talk to him about it and he said he is "not crazy" about moving into this house. Not sure where that leaves us.

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Well, I tried to talk to him about it and he said he is "not crazy" about moving into this house. Not sure where that leaves us.

What? Why not?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Well, I tried to talk to him about it and he said he is "not crazy" about moving into this house. Not sure where that leaves us.

Next time, ask for a real answer or, at least, some clarification instead of you leaving the conversation confused.

Unless the conversation was going downhill and needed to end to avoid a conflict...


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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He said that the house has "issues". The only issues it has is that it is MINE. It is a beautiful home and I think I did a really good job finding it, decorating it and making the kids comfortable in it during a stressful time.

Anyway, he told me this morning that he would like to move in. As we were both heading out to work, we agreed to talk about it later.

Unfortunately, I feel like I took the jump and hit concrete. It was really hard for me to extend the offer and I was really hurt by his response.

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I'm assuming he feels this way because this house is "your" house and there are bad memories associated with it - him coming over there and your refusal to see him, etc...

In one sense it's his own dang fault. In another, it would be nice if you could move into a place that is fresh and new.

But... it is what it is. I mean, there was a lot of ugliness that occurred in our home too and that we have to live with. I guess the difference is that this was our home for years before the A. In your case, it's a place you went to get away from him. How long before the lease is up?


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

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What about POJA a new place?



FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Our marital home is sitting empty and is being foreclosed on. He had wanted to move us all back in there, but it has too many bad memories for me. Plus, the house has been a finacial strain on us for awhile.
I don't technically have a lease but I would hate to leave the house after only being there for 2+ months. And I'm sure the landlord wouldn't be very happy about it.
A new place would be nice but rentals are hard to find in my school district, especially a 3 bedroom.
We will def have to POJA on this!

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Well, I tried to talk to him about it and he said he is "not crazy" about moving into this house. Not sure where that leaves us.

WOW! dramaqueen

Such a fog head! Can we get a big fog horn a blowin'




Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Unfortunately, I feel like I took the jump and hit concrete. It was really hard for me to extend the offer and I was really hurt by his response.

I'm so sorry RQ.....





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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