Did your mom know it was a message from your WH? She knows not to talk to you about anything that pertains to him, correct?

This is why even small cracks in Plan B can hurt you.

Waywards are so thoughtless and selfish that all they think about is themselves.

Glad your FIL will be fine.

What are you doing for YOU today?

Can you set something up with the school to call you? I worry about you going there and then him showing up "late" and then you see him.

Are you documenting all the times he is not picking up the kids?

She knows not to tell me anything and didn't know he had left her a message. In almost 8 years, he's never left a message on her machine. Total fluke that I was even there to hear it.



Nothing that anyone else would probably feel is fun, but it works for me. Since the beginning of the year, I've been organizing the house, one task at a time. Today I tackle the bathrooms. I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to organization and open spaces, so it helps me feel like I'm tackling the chaos in my life one room at a time. And, added bonus, as I go through the house, I'm systematically removing all residual traces of WS. Old stuff found in the back of closets, drawers, etc. Every time I throw out some of his old junk, it makes me feel a little freer.

I'm going to try to get there early tomorrow morning and ask if that would be possible. I hadn't done so before because I hoped he would just fall in line and do what needed to be done, without having to ask the school to call me every Tuesday and Thursday. Obviously, that's not happening though.

I'm documenting everything. No shows, cancellations, even when he's 10 minutes late dropping them off, as well as the very few times there has been a visit with no issues.

Helps to keep my anger in check. Instead of being filled with rage each time, I just write it in the notebook and move on, knowing it'll screw him when the time comes.

So how else are you dealing with your anger? You don't want to hold it in because that isn't healthy.

How's your support system IRL?

No contact, combined with the ADs has left me with little anger. It only seems to appear in relation to his bailing on the kids and when he doesn't give me the extra money I need. I document it and for the most part it goes away. I have a friend that I talk to about it if it gets to be too much to keep to myself, but I'm probably going to try journaling next time instead. I don't want it to seems as though WS antics are the only thing I contact her with.

I've always channeled most of my anger into hardcore workouts, but with the pregnancy, that hasn't been possible. I hope to get back to that in January, with the focus being more on health than anger by then.

I've got my mom and my best friend. A little too much pity from my mom, a little too much tough love from my friend, but both are always there when I need them. I've got an aunt that I'm close with, but haven't really put the effort into the relationship that I should have in recent years. The same for two of my other long time friends. Have been making some efforts to reconnect in those relationships, but really need to be doing more.

Drove over to the school to find that WS did in fact pick the kids up today.

Had a gut feeling. Drove past OW1's house. His car was there. He took my kids to her house. While driving past wasn't Plan B, I had to know if he was taking them there. No excuses, knew I shouldn't, but I did and now I know.

So now what do I do? Is there a way to stop this? He never takes them and the one time he does, he brings them to her house. Can I cut off visitation until he files for it?

Going to talk to my mother tomorrow about lawyer fees. I think this may be the thing that will make paying my retainer seem like a necessary thing.

Lots of great Plan Bing, Jen.

Not contacting him when triggered by the voicemail, documenting stuff, getting the school to support you, I like your spring/summer clear out plans too!

Maybe you should tighten that Plan B gap so if WH keeps your parents number, they never play messages when you're there. Does he need their number at all?

No, driving past OW1s house is not very Plan B... But I can't say I blame you too much as its your children and you knew. However you can't do that again without it affecting your withdrawal and sanity, so we need to figure out what you do from now on..


I do know that some Plan Bers in the US have managed to get orders banning the possibility of the children having contact with the adultery partner

But others have had to put up with the OW.

I'm sorry he did that with the kids, Jen. That truly is revolting. Hugs.

How are things Jen?