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skid, as your WW is a "professing Christian," i'd love to know how your she justifies her behaviour in god's eyes. no, i take that back. it'll be the same, sad old story. all your fault, the #2 ex-Hs fault, the #1 ex-Hs fault. it appears you have a serial WW on your hands, and i'm very sorry to hear that.

she accuses you of cheating all the time because she is projecting her own behaviour onto you so she can carry on her own bad behaviour. that's the foggy wayward mindset.

you said that you had to take time to get your head around the principles of this site, and those 10 principles for a good marriage (i think you were referring to) were the "easy" bits! the hard part of MB is the dealing with infidelity - affair-killing and restoring the M. it is hard to hear the truth, and even harder to act on it. but if you want to save your M, you must heed the wise counsel here.

right now, she is running you ragged with her lies and deceit. please listen to the vets and follow every single piece of advice they give you. it truly is the only way. BH has provided you with a lot of links to save you time and effort. read them.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
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Originally Posted By: Skidman
Quote:
Schedule a polygragh test


I have discussed that with her. She accuses me of cheating all the time. I told her that I was more than willing for both of us to do a polygraph. She told me no, because she said they can be defeated and said that I am such a good liar and believe my lies it would give a false reading. I just think she is afraid for herself and uses that as a cover story.

Schedule a polygraph for both of you.
Polygraph Testing


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: Skidman

I told her that I was more than willing for both of us to do a polygraph.


Excellent response !

Quote:

She told me no, because she said they can be defeated and said that I am such a good liar and believe my lies it would give a false reading. I just think she is afraid for herself and uses that as a cover story.


Are you a good liar?

I think you're correct, by the way.
She is afraid what a poly would reveal about her past/present lies.
So, she turns it around and makes accusations about you.

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Today is your anniversary.

Did you schedule those polys?

Did you put a GPS/VAR in her car?

Did you expose her affair?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: Skidman
I would like also to save my marriage. I bought "Love Busters" and "His Needs & Her Needs." We were trying to follow that for a couple of weeks, but she quit. redflag She said I was using Marriage Builders to control redflag her. She has extensive individual redflag behavior.



redflag She's not behaving as a Christian wife, is she.

Nooo


Quote:
I just filed for divorce. Plan "B" I suppose.


NOT Plan B.
Plan B is when you no longer have any direct contact with the wayward, and very little necessary (business only) indirect contact via an intermediary.

Please, do not throw MB terms out unless you fully understand them.

Plan B follows directly on the heels of an excellent Plan A.

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Originally Posted By: Skidman
More recently, October of last year, she had me moved out of the house, claiming I was "escalating". Then during Thanksgiving, while I was living from couch to couch with friends, she had her ex, bring their kids from CA. He and they lived in my house with her for 10 days. She said she missed her kids and it was all done in the name of trying to "co-parenting" for the kids. She said while he made passes at her, nothing happened.



Well, this totally explains why you repeatedly quote Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Quote:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.


You have legitimate concerns your wife may be thinking about getting back with the father of her children.

Were both of you 100% completely and totally and legally DIVORCED before you and she started flirting/dating ???
Were the 2 of you "friends" before her divorce?




Last edited by Pepperband; 05/09/12 10:12 AM.
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Oof...I'd go with divorce. WW on marriage #3 and dumps her kids. You made a bad choice Skidman. Your WW also did not "make" you leave your house...that was your choice. I do not see much hope here as this is a lifestyle for WW. Sorry but I'd cut my losses.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Here Pep:

Originally Posted By: Skidman
We dated 4-month and met on EHarmoney. We talked via EHarmoney for about 2 months before our divorces were final. We met after the divorces were final (I think). No sex before marriage. I have never loved a woman more than her.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted By: Skidman
Married 4 years (May 9th)

I'm 52, she is 42. I divorced my first wife primarily because she decided to practice homosexuality. She said she divorced the second man because he was "controlling and abusive." We dated 4-month and met on EHarmoney. We talked via EHarmoney for about 2 months before our divorces were final. We met after the divorces were final (I think). No sex before marriage. I have never loved a woman more than her.


Pepperband, the answer is NO, they were not divorced before going onto EHarmony to seek out other mates, and where they started a relationship together...

Skidman, I am wondering how when you met a married woman on a dating website and then married her, you thought this story was going to end.

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Originally Posted By: black_raven
Here Pep:

Originally Posted By: Skidman
We dated 4-month and met on EHarmoney. We talked via EHarmoney for about 2 months before our divorces were final. We met after the divorces were final (I think). No sex before marriage. I have never loved a woman more than her.


doh2

Oh ...... I especially appreciate this ...
Quote:
(I think)



Nevermind.

Good luck with this one.

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Rebound Relationship <~~~ Link to Wiki Answers

A sample:
Originally Posted By: Wiki answers
A "rebound relationship" is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce. People who have breakups and then immediatley involved themselves with someone else seem to feel the need to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection. They may miss the comfort and affection of a regular relationship. But whatever the reason is, it is a selfish reason, one that is based on serving the self esteem and satisfying feeling of personal worth. "Someone loves me and needs me." It can also be to affirm "I wasn't at fault in the breakup, this relationship will prove that." Most of these rebound relationships are not permanent, and they can be even more destructive than the earlier breakup.

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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
And as an aside for the rest of the MB universe: Will we ever get a weepy BH here who does not proudly claim to be half a "Christian" couple? Aren't there any Zoroastrian or Druid WWs out there?


So I know I'm a little late in quoting this but seriously NeverGuessed, this cracked me up! Christian or not, we are all human and subject to error.

Thanks for the smile!


aBetterMe

Me 33
DH 35
Together 14 years, married 12
Two "furry children" (one cat & one dog)

MB has changed me and changed my life. I am becoming a better person for it, and building a better marriage. MB principles can truly help you create the love and the life you want.
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Food for thought: Men have a very hard time getting primary custody. Abusive men don't get custody.

My guess is she either abandoned her kids or she is the one that is messed in the head and lost custody. It takes A LOT for a woman to lose custody. I think this is very telling.

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It looks like you made a terrible choice in partners (very standard when jumping into new relationships, particularly when you aren't even divorced yet).

He was controlling and abusive, so he got custody and she decided to move to the other coast in response?

Yeah, ok. As a father yourself, would you ever be separated by a 5 hour flight from your children who are in the custody of an 'abusive' person?

Your wife is a serial cheater and a serial liar.

Divorce. File for custody of your child. Stay away from dating until long after your divorce is final. You married someone with multiple red flags and it's time to take a break and figure out why you made such poor choices so it does not happen again. You jumped out of the pan and into the fire.

Did she sleep with him? What else do you do at hotels at 1am with other men?? You already know she is an adulterer, you didn't even know if her divorce was final when you met her.

What woman in an abusive marriage is chatting online and runs to another man and leaves her children behind with the abuser???
All the things she told you when you were 'talking' on e-harmony? BULLCRAP

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Originally Posted By: aBetterMe
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
And as an aside for the rest of the MB universe: Will we ever get a weepy BH here who does not proudly claim to be half a "Christian" couple? Aren't there any Zoroastrian or Druid WWs out there?


So I know I'm a little late in quoting this but seriously NeverGuessed, this cracked me up! Christian or not, we are all human and subject to error.

Thanks for the smile!


This made me smile too. WWs seem to like the Christian label but can't follow the instructions on it.

Originally Posted By: alis

Divorce. File for custody of your child. Stay away from dating until long after your divorce is final. You married someone with multiple red flags and it's time to take a break and figure out why you made such poor choices so it does not happen again. You jumped out of the pan and into the fire.


Agreed. Take actions to protect yourself from her toxicity.

As for your EA with her, her addiction to adultery was activated by a previous affair before meeting you. She missed it and was online surfing for excitement. She will happily have lied to you.

When a married wayward gets attention online you become their everything: their moon, stars and sun - for a while. Next time choose a woman who is happy to be single and picky. They're harder to catch but worth the hunt.

Next time pay close attention to when the divorce is final and when it isn't.'I think I'm divorced' won't cut it with a quality woman.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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total aside......I heard eharmony does not allow people to register until they state that they are legally divorced and it is final.....?







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Originally Posted By: reading
total aside......I heard eharmony does not allow people to register until they state that they are legally divorced and it is final.....?


That pesky technicality (crazy) seems to only matter when they become the BS later on.

It's really such a repetitive action, you can predict it in all affairage threads. "Well, WS said they were long separated so it didn't matter, right?". Well, what do you think WS is saying to the new guy/gal right now?

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...eharmony does not allow people to register until they state that they are legally divorced...

Oh, thank heaven! And the internet has such high standards for claims made and statements issued. That's why I know I'll be hearing from the bank official from Nigeria with my lottery winnings now that I sent him the $120 to arrange for the international currency transfer!

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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
...eharmony does not allow people to register until they state that they are legally divorced...

Oh, thank heaven! And the internet has such high standards for claims made and statements issued. That's why I know I'll be hearing from the bank official from Nigeria with my lottery winnings now that I sent him the $120 to arrange for the international currency transfer!

Dang I sent $500.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I don't know about the particulars, but even by (I think it was Matc#.c0m) said up to 30% of registered participants are legally still married.

The article did not specify % of males vs females. As backwards as this seems, many people search out people going through a divorce or recently divorced as potential dates.

I admitt, I do not understand the thinking behind this.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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