Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
How are you doing? Still having problems with the family I see?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Brain Hurts - Rocket would have no "problems with the family" if Kiss didn't insist on constantly bashing them far and wide to everyone that will give him an audience. Rocket has asked him to stop and has addressed it on this forum. He refuses. I thought the purpose of this forum was for the two of them to address the issues in their marriage that led to the affair and fix it. Instead he has used it as open season on her family (Mom especially) and he is far from truthful. His indiscretions as far as the affair goes would have been forgiven as soon as Rocket gave the word. These constant attacks make it obvious that he wants her to have no relationship with her family.
Brain Hurts - Rocket would have no "problems with the family" if Kiss didn't insist on constantly bashing them far and wide to everyone that will give him an audience. Rocket has asked him to stop and has addressed it on this forum. He refuses. I thought the purpose of this forum was for the two of them to address the issues in their marriage that led to the affair and fix it.
Pantsonfire, (Love the name)
Read the introduction to the forum. The purpose of this forum is very clear....
Then read the 10 basic concepts for a greater understanding of the Marriage Builders Program. It gives you the highlights.
Originally Posted by Pantsonfire
Instead he has used it as open season on her family (Mom especially) and he is far from truthful. His indiscretions as far as the affair goes would have been forgiven as soon as Rocket gave the word. These constant attacks make it obvious that he wants her to have no relationship with her family.
The extended family is now a distraction. It's best for this couple to put extended family on the back burner for a short time and address the marital issues. The rest will fall into place if RQ decides her WS is worth the risk..... albeit a big risk, it's still a decision she needs to make on her own.
BTW, There are no "constant attacks" on the extended family happening here on this forum. And IMO, as long as the "extended family" agrees to stop giving advice, that is no longer welcome, all the relationships will have a chance to heal.
My extended family has learned to be respectful of our marriage and our time. It has been difficult for all of them, but at nearly five years, everyone is beginning to see the fruits and all are enjoying the harvest.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Papabear - With all due respect - I know you have read Kiss' thread. To the family those are constant attacks. We give no advice however, when we did it was merely reenforcement of what you and the others here told her. We are on the back burner. In fact we used to be a happy loving family and now we barely speak at all. You would think leaving the family alone - especially at Rocket's request if not ours, would be easy enough for him to do, but as you know - he doesn't respect her wishes.
So... you... signed up for an account... on an anonymous forum... to... attack her husband...
... why?
Anyway... yes. You need to be left alone. And you need to step the heck off and let your sister/daughter/cousin/whatever work on her marriage. Quit being a chittering distraction.
Of course you don't like kiss... he violated someone you love. That's pretty horrible.
Know what?
My wife did the same to me.
Know what else?
If any of my family ever did as you are right now, these posts would hae effectively written them out of my life.
So, why don't YOU respect Rocket, AND BACK OFF.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Gee no, I didn't just sign up for an account to attack her husband. In fact I didn't attack her husband at all. I signed up to defend my family from the lying and slandering and attacking he is doing over on his thread. I merely asked him to respect the family's and his wife's wishes that he discontinue the practice and leave us alone. I certainly think we deserve to be left in peace. I don't dislike kiss because he hurt someone I love, like I said that was forgiveable if that is what Rocket wanted. His attacks on the family is the issue and I would really like him to stop like Rocket has asked him to. If you read the post we have backed off so far we rarely speak. I pity your family that you don't believe they deserve a modicum or respect. We are only a distraction because kiss insists on making us one. I only posted here in response to Brain Hurts.
My marriage and my wife deserve respect, and if my family cannot do that, then they need to go.
My vows hold me to such. Even though my wife made the choice to break them, I did not.
If my wife were to "attack" my family, my first question would be; why?
You see, when I married my wife I made a commitment to "leave my family and cleave to my spouse."
That means that if my wife and my family are incompatible, I choose my wife. That was my vow. That was her vow.
I vowed to honor the bond of marriage over blood ties.
That means if my family chooses to act in a manner that is disrespectful to my spouse (and as such disrespectful to my marriage, and then by proxy disresepctful to ME) that I will brush them aside as any other threat to my marriage.
Respecting my family has nothing to do with allowing them to meddle in my marriage or disrespect my spouse - and respect is a two-sided coin. Disrespect my spouse, disrespect my marriage, disrespect me... you get neither respect nor disrespect in return. You get Plan B.
I would advise that you take the time to read the concepts here so you have a better idea about what is going on... "the family" is an afterthought when it comes to repairing the marriage at this point.
First off, Kiss needs to return to the marital home as Rocket has invited him to.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
We are only a distraction because kiss insists on making us one. I only posted here in response to Brain Hurts.
Pantsonfire. I'm sorry that this has happened to your family. Have faith in SH who RQ and Kiss are counseling with. It is a process. Give it time to work.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Papabear - With all due respect - I know you have read Kiss' thread. To the family those are constant attacks.
I'm sorry for your pain. It's probably best if you would choose not to read their threads on Marriage Builders.
Those closest to the situation usually have a very difficult time when they see all the dirty laundry that is being aired out. But the family needs to realize the WS needs a place to put it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As you've seen, we will call him on his bull.... And yes, we know there is a lot of bull left in there, it's just best if you let us call him out, if you KWIM. He will not get a free pass, OK!
Originally Posted by Pantsonfire
We give no advice however, when we did it was merely reenforcement of what you and the others here told her.
Again, let us call him out. Please...
Originally Posted by Pantsonfire
We are on the back burner. In fact we used to be a happy loving family and now we barely speak at all.
Again, I'm so very sorry. Adultery leaves behind so much collateral damage. Kiss is still pretty clueless to all the collateral damage, that's why we say he is still foggy. It takes average waywards 6-9 months before they clear their heads enough to see all the damages. Some clear up quicker, but many do take much longer, and regretfully, some never recover.
Originally Posted by Pantsonfire
You would think leaving the family alone - especially at Rocket's request if not ours, would be easy enough for him to do, but as you know - he doesn't respect her wishes.
Again, it takes time.
He will either learn to respect his wife or she will put his things out on the curb again. Trust RQ to know, she has become a very strong woman through all of this.
Again, I'm sorry for your pain....
God Bless!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Brain Hurts - Rocket would have no "problems with the family" if Kiss didn't insist on constantly bashing them far and wide to everyone that will give him an audience. Rocket has asked him to stop and has addressed it on this forum. He refuses. I thought the purpose of this forum was for the two of them to address the issues in their marriage that led to the affair and fix it. Instead he has used it as open season on her family (Mom especially) and he is far from truthful. His indiscretions as far as the affair goes would have been forgiven as soon as Rocket gave the word. These constant attacks make it obvious that he wants her to have no relationship with her family.
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Thank you everyone for your support.
Have your shared with your family what Dr. Harley has advised you when it comes to them and your M?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
I have avoided talking to the family, especially about my marriage. I had spokento them proir to their posts about the wayward mind and it taking time to accept blame. They should have bwcked off before and wllowed the process to work. I will be wpeaking t them today because i wm tired of this.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MY FELLOW MOMS OUT THERE!
I have avoided talking to the family, especially about my marriage. I had spokento them proir to their posts about the wayward mind and it taking time to accept blame. They should have bwcked off before and wllowed the process to work. I will be wpeaking t them today because i wm tired of this.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MY FELLOW MOMS OUT THERE!
Maybe have them listen to the radio clips with Dr. Harley? I posted them on yours and kiss's thread.
Happy Mother's Day, my friend.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Well, they have denied posting although I know they are lying. I asked them not to post anymore but we'll see. Thank you for posting the radio clips for them to listen to but I don't know if they have. If they haven't, I REALLY THINK THEY SHOULD!!!
Having read POF's posts on both threads, I'd have to say, and I mean this as objectively as I can manage, that POF is much less concerned with your welfare, RQ, than his (her?) own private agenda.
To discover who in your family is responsible for the cowardly posts, I'd suggest looking for the person in your family with the biggest ego, and the smallest reason for it! Unless your family is a collection of loudmouth losers (and I'm betting NOT, since you exhibit little of those characteristics), it should narrow the choices down quite a bit.
I'm sorry POF has your welfare so poorly in mind, RQ. You don't need POF's moronic contributions to entangle your situation more than it is.
And, btw, being such an arrogant little [censored], POF has likely already told other members of your family what he/she is doing. Ask around, you might uncover this earthworm without much trouble.