How do I respond to WWs interrogation of the details of my snooping techniques and she likes to emphasize that I should answer with total honesty as a Christian.

Until I feel safe in our M I will do whatever it takes to have a safe M.

If you don't have something to hide then what's the big deal?

Do I still need to snoop since I know there is contact with the OM again?It's painful to read.Lots of lies and hurtful things said about me.Reunion welcomed her back with open arms.I dont understand why so many seemingly "normal"people with husbands/wives and kids are encouraging her to act on her feelings and just be happy.How do they not see WW just broke up the OM's family and she could do the same to their families!WW is shamelessly interacting with everyone as if nothing happened.I remember right after the exposure,she closed her fb and told me the reunion had a bad influence on her and she never really enjoyed the people.
BH,I still havent heard from Dr H yet.

Because our society teaches everyone to "do what makes you happy" "do what's best for you and don't think about anyone else but yourself". There are way too many enablers out there.

Now do you see why I wanted you to go back to those BW's and tell them even if it was 20 years ago? We need more people to stand up for the right things.

I'd take a break from snooping for a bit. It's causing too much damage right now.

I just heard on the radio show that Joyce accidentally deleted a bunch of emails.

I hate to say this but send it again. I know you're having the worst luck. Send it to the MODS AGAIN and tell them what email you sent it from. They've got to get it sooner or later.

Thanks BH,I'll send it again.

Ive been snooping for the past months and I still get that acute heartache every time I read.Sometimes I try to detach and pretend reading about some other random people.

Did you ever get into your doctor and get some AD's and sleep meds?

Yes,I got some AD's and sleep meds.
I try not to depend on it as much.Praying and reading the bible helps.
Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always.I will say it again: Rejoice!
Very difficult to do but the words constantly reminds me to be happy about other areas of my life.

Because our society teaches everyone to "do what makes you happy" "do what's best for you and don't think about anyone else but yourself". There are way too many enablers out there.

Now do you see why I wanted you to go back to those BW's and tell them even if it was 20 years ago? We need more people to stand up for the right things.
[/quote]

Sadly TV shows/movies send the message infidelity is ok, do what makes you happy. When I was researching infidelity I was shocked to discover the number of sites promoting affairs with married couples. No wonder there are so many enablers society is desensitised to infidelity.

I finally found the radio clip where Dr. Harley talks about the "15%" success rate that gets thrown around on the forums.

Radio clip on the "15%" success rate

Thanks BrainHurts. I also remember MelodyLane explaining this in even greater detail from Dr. Harley on a post somewhere. This helps.

Any word from Dr. Harley?

BH,yes I just got an email from him.I left out some pertinent info and I'm emailing him back.

Woohoo. Can you share? Are they going to read it on the show?

I can share.Is it ok to post it here?I've never seen anyone posting email from Dr H here though.
I am writing him back to ask about exposing to friends of WW and OM.Maybe Melody could chime in on that since she is the expert in that department.

Yes others have posted emails from Dr. Harley.

Here's an example Requirements for recovery from an affair

Xp,

How are you? What did Dr. Harley tell you? Can you please share what he told you with us?

Xtremepain:

There are a few facts that I am missing. What did your wife complain about before she left you. Was her primary problem financial? Is the OM more financially secure? What practical advantages does your wife have living with him as opposed to you?

Generally, I would encourage you to stick to plan A until the affair is ended, doing your best to address the complaints she may have had prior to her affair. But if the stress is too hard on you, plan B may be your only option. Take anti-depressant medication until this whole episode is over. It will not only help you feel much better, but it will also help you look better to your wife when you make contact with her. With antidepressant medication, you may be able to stick to plan A longer.

I would not move to where she is because that�s where the OM lives. She should come back to you when the affair is over. The fact that the OM�s divorce is predicated by his abusive behavior toward his wife, it�s not likely that her relationship will survive much longer. The only affairs that survive are those where the other person is a clear-cut improvement over the spouse, and even those turn out to be fragile. But most affairs are with someone who is a step down, rather than an improvement. The fact that you don�t have children makes reconciliation more difficult, but if you treat your wife with respect while she is causing you the greatest pain you will ever experience in life, you will have a chance to win her back. There comes a point in time, however, when the effort is too stressful. If you start thinking of suicide, you�ve reached that point, and you must start taking care of yourself and let her go.

Best wishes,
Dr. Harley

So my friend, what is your Plan?

Hi BH,

WW is wearing me out and I am exhausted.Had a big fight and she went berserk when I told her I am thinking of filing adultery charge against the OM.My plan A is not working at all.We speak no more than 10 minutes a day.She is in her room on fb all day long.She is very angry becos I wouldnt "let go".She is trying to get me to sign the paper by being very abusive in words.

What do you do when she is being abusive? I think you've put up with her abuse long enough?

Maybe you should work on Plan B? I'm really worried about your mental health. Can you remove her from the home or have somewhere to go?