Wow! My colleagues here are TOUGH!

In a few hours, Igiiroko moved exposure from "Huh?", to "Someday", to "28 May", to "21 May" and your're still at it!

Friend, not sure of "chi", but "wa" does it NOW!

I ended my FWW's infidelity in about 24 hours - and five of those I was sitting incommunicado in jail!

tomorrow, tomorrow....tomorrow............... Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

Today, tomorrow, yesterday, 18 freakin' months ago............

Sheez

OK. She went to sleep about an hour ago, and I've just gone and captured important email from her Hotmail account. Her CrackBerry is surgically attached to her hand, and she's always in email and on Facebook. When she's home is the only time I know when she's asleep and therefore not in email -- otherwise the risk was she'd detect any simultaneous access. So, I have the key contacts. Saw one or two unpleasant surprises as well (OM & WS in semi-nude pics, key-drops at hotel reception, "hopelessly in love", the works), and I can barely type this, I'm shaking so much. It's 5.10 in the morning, and I've been up all night.

Two of the contacts are recruitment agents she's known for a long time, and is friendly with. Not sure whether to keep them on the Exposure roll, but I'll figure that out later. I can see Exposure generating a sh*t-storm, but I'll figure what comes next after that, too.

I'm impressed, NeverGuessed. I spent a night in the clink in the midst of this myself.

Does this OM have a wife?

When are you exposing? What about right now? Everyone will wake up to their facebook messages.

"Morning sunshine"!

MelodyLane, that could well have been her reaction. Your description did bring a wry smile.

BrainHurts, WS is an only child. Her father's estranged and in Bosnia. Her mother's lovely and was recently diagnosed with heart problems in Australia. We live in the UK. Most of WS's best friends are in Australia, rest are US and UK. I've met WS's Bosnia cousins, but only their kids (teenagers) speak any English. The WS Exposure audience is therefore WS's friends.

Send me your best vibes. And thanks.

BrainHurts, OM isn't married. As of the time they met, his girlfriend had just had a baby. I didn't get the impression that any of OM's contacts was a girlfriend.

Apart, of course, from my wife.

Just remembered I need to set up my own Facebook page, complete with happy-family pics etc. (I'd created a faux-page for info-gathering...)

Definitely tell OM 's GF.

Follow exposure thread and you can't go wrong.

I would still tell WW's mom. Lovely moms can be one of your best allies.

Finding this new information should motivate you to drop an exposure bomb and create a tsunami.

Confronted WS this morning. As expected, she denied and bluffed and even demanded proof. I simply re-stated "I know you are having an affair with OM, and I want it to stop, and that's that."

That was on the 10min drive to the station. Since I dropped her off, she's called four or five times, and sent four or five denying and progressively rude messages. I've ignored them all.

I'm itching to go straight to Exposure as soon as I finish building Facebook page, but I'll probably take MB coaching and wait until Sun, after 7yo daughter's party on Sat.

I really regret that I have no way of finding OM's parents and/or significant-other.

Coaches, please comment on this modified exposure e-mail:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the life of WS. You may know that WS has been spending progressively more time away from home � starting from the odd Friday or Saturday night, but now averaging four or five nights a week. I am profoundly saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a man named OM OM who resides in OMville. He has a two-year-old child born around the time that he met OM, and he has older children as well. The purpose of OM�s many absences from me and the children at home is so that she can carry on her affair without our interference.

WS refuses to end the affair. In fact, she denies the affair, even though I have seen proof of key-drops at hotel receptions, invitations to travel together up-country when she was ostensibly going away on business for her employer, and indeed semi-nude pictures of them together. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WS to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage and our family.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
BS.

Thanks.

Ok so today is Sat in the UK, correct? What time is DD7's party?

Why can't you find OM's parents and GF? They aren't listed on his facebook?

No, today is Friday in the UK. It is 11.45 AM. We are 6 hours ahead of the Marriage Builders clock.

Gotcha! Thanks

Are you legally married under UK law? Do you have a wedding certificate? What date were you married? (I'm trying to establish that this is definitely a legal British marriage.)

Are you a UK national? (Don't tell me the details if you are not - they are none of my business. Just tell me yes or no.) Is she a Bosnia and Herzegovina national, or was she at the time she married you?

As you can see, I'm wondering whether her immigration status played any part in her decision to marry you. Bosnia and Herzegovina is not a EU member state.

What time zone are you in, Brainy? Why aren't you in bed?

Haha I'm in Mountain and so it's 5am. I'm on a crazy night shift 6pm-6am.

Sleep is over rated.NOT!

You see, I'm suspecting that it is none of those things. I'm suspecting that her Bosnian national status means that she might take your child out of the UK. I wonder if you have been frightened of this all along and if that is why you have been appeasing her. If you are not married to her, then you have fewer rights over your child than if you are. If you are married to her, then with her new British nationality she is free to travel to somewhere else the EU, and might find it easier to to go even as far as Australia where her mother is - with your child.

Have any of these worries factored into your decision to let her have a boyfriend?

igiiroko, your letter is great. If she wants to argue again, tell her this: I don't need your admission to know the truth. You only make it worse for yourself by denying it. I insist that you end your affair today or this will go to divorce. I am willing to give you a chance to earn my forgiveness if you do certain things. This is what it will take to keep me interested:

1. end all contact with the OM for life, sending him a NC letter

2. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to the Marriage Builders program for recovery as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair.

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

If she won't do those things, I would ask her to move out. If she won't move out, then you need to file for divorce and change the locks.

She called you several times after you dropped her off? Perfect! Let her cheating little mind churn over your possible actions!

I think your letter is great! Mel's well laid-out conditions should be the totality of what you engage in when you expose and she goes bat-crap crazy. No "discussion"; no "negotiation". You're also going to have to demand an STD test with results sent to you, and a pregnancy test.

Feel the "Wa"!