Hi All,

I need some help and advice.

My wife of 7 years does not want a physical relationship. We have been together for 17 years and have 3 young children.

Our sex life has never been anything special having sex at most 1 or 2 times a week but normally 1 or 2 times a month. My wife states she has no need or want for sex.

Over the past 18 months we have been going through a bad patch where we did seperate for a couple of months. Upon my return 10 months ago I was told that our relationship was no longer a physical one.

At first I thought I would be able to cope with no physical contact but it is becoming more and more difficult. I love my wife and crave her touch. It doesn't have to be sex a hug every now and then would suffice. Unfortunately for me I think she finds me repulsive. She tells me she wants to stay together (mainly for the sake of the kids I think) but doesn't want the pressure of sex. She has told me I can have sex with other people stating it's only sex but she does not want me to get involved in a relationship.

Recently I found my wife has been buying erotic outfits along with sex toys. Strange things to buy for someone who doesn't like sex. I confronted her about it and apparently they are for her own use.

Anyway, I don't know what to do I'm so confused and hurt. It all points in the direction of her having an affair but in any case I think it's obvious she doesn't love me anymore.

So do I stay in this marriage for the sake of my family or leave for the sake of my sanity?? I love my wife and kids but is that enough when she doesn't love me back?

Peace....

Well, it does sound like she is not in love anymore, but that can be turned around with this program. I would get the book Fall in Love, Stay in Love. It explains the steps you need to take to fall in love again.

I would also check out this article: The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage?


You need to do some serious investigating to find out if she is having an affair. Don't accuse her, but quietly snoop and come back here with your findings. Does she go out without you?

I'm happy to try anything but she doesn't think there is a problem with her not wanting a physical relationship.

That's the thing she doesn't go out. I do work shifts though which would give her an opportunity I suppose. If anything I'm thinking shes maybe having an emotional affair. She is always on her laptop or phone texting and emailing.

We don't go out together but I'm in the process of changing that hopefully.

Check her phone records and put a keylogger on her computer.

Daddy, if she's buying sex toys she is having some sort of sex. Have you investigated to find out if she is having an affair? Women who don't want to have a physical relationship at the same time they're buying sex toys are women who are more than likely having an affair. You need to snoop and find out who she's texting and emailing with - can you get her laptop long enough to put on a keylogger?

I've investigated as much as I can. She doesn't let her laptop or phone out of her sight. They are password protected also.

My head tells me she's having an affair my heart tells me otherwise.

She tells me the sex toys are for her and nobody else.

The more I type the more I feel stupid for thinking she isn't having an affair.

Why did you separate before?

She decided she wanted to have some time out. She didn't want the pressure of me wanting sex etc. Which is understandable I suppose.

The seperation wasn't like any seperation I've heard of. We still lived together slept in the same bed etc just didn't have any physical relations.

I couldn't bare it and moved out.

You shouldn't feel stupid because it has all the

What does she say when you ask to use her laptop or use her phone?

Have you read this? Snooping is it wrong?

She would never allow me to use her phone or laptop. I'm thinking about asking her to let me see her phone and laptop if she says no then there is obviously a reason. Apparently they are password protected to stop the kids from using them.

I'm thinking about buying some covert cameras for the nights I'm at work. I just feel so paranoid and ashamed that I'm even thinking about doing this.

Those feeling are your instincts tell you something isn't right.

Did you read that article from Dr. Harley on snooping Inposted

Can you put a VAR and GPS on her car?

Definitely put the cameras up.

Here VAR

I'm in the process of getting cameras etc will look at getting a VAR as well.

Hey thanks for your help. Hope I'm wrong and she isn't having an affair but if she is at least I will know.

Just wish I wasn't so confused etc!

I hate to even suggest this, but you need to put a VAR under your bed.

Yes I know and I will.

Is it just me or does it feel very wrong?

It is just you. There is nothing wrong with snooping on a spouse because you have a right to know everything she does. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy her spouse behind her back. What is really "wrong" is having an affair. Not wrong to catch her.

And or a hidden camera.

It's just you because what you're doing is protecting your M. How can you fight what you don't know?

Quite right!

It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle at the moment. Can't seem to do right for doing wrong. I'm just treading water at the moment fearing the worst.

Will give the surveillance a go and see what happens.

Can you get into your doctor for some AD's?