thanks brainhurts, before this I honestly didnt know people like you exsisted

Im impressed at how quickly they did too,
that being said, i believe she can change, but by the state of things is years out.

Promises,
I almost forgot the most important thing, I have a request to make. Please never again use your son as leverage in anything, regardless of how small. If you walk away from this with anything, please walk away with that. I really want to scream at you, but it is very important for him. if nothing else please think about this

Excellent advice.

Do not use the children. So damaging to the kids.

promises, you know who this is

I'll start this off by emphasizing that this is not going to be a nice post and I appoligize to anyone who feels this is not the correct media for this type of voiced opinion (perhaps it isnt). Also, I do recognize that I am biased, as there is no one in the world I hate more than you. That being said, & despite this posts tone, which I am currently incapable of dampening, I have every intention of helping you. Not for you or ajj, but for my amazing little nephew who needs a sane mother & a complete makeover on a rollmodel.

Writting this is in violation of ajj's no contact request, and until I read this I had no intention of contacting you, at least for years to come. After reading your posts, it truely amazes me at how little progress you've made after all this time. You truely are in worse shape than I imagined. Here is the fasttrack since you still havent figured it out. This entire post is riddled with self incriminating supporting evidence, despite the half truths and convienient gaps in information. The reason you cheat is your complete and utter lack of empathy for anyone but yourself and incapacity to accept the flaws of who you ARE, not who you WERE. Because of this, you have lived your ENTIRE life in a bubble where your reality was based on your reflection in other peoples eyes. You could never accept that you had the same flaws as everyone else. Your powers of self delusion were so powerful that as long as everyone thought you were the perfect wife, you could actually believe it yourself! I wrote that in past tense, but not a damn thing has changed. When ajosejake first told me about the full exposure I wasnt sure what to think, but shortly realized the genious of it. (brainhurts & co, I cant thank you enough for all youve done) He completely shattered your bubble. He just robbed you of your perfect wife/mother image. I initially thought this would force you to have a come to jesus meeting with yourself to determine whether or not YOU wanted to be in the marriage for the love of your family, & not for your love of picture perfect facebook posts. To be honest, after you didnt give up a part of me thought there might be hope. Ha! Lets begin...

Exibit A: Life in a bubble
So you are not sure why you wrote this post ehh? Let me break it down for you. You found a new bubble. Instead of the perfect wife, youve been downsized to the remorseful one. Now after months of your BS, he left you and youve been downgraded again to the victimized remorseful wife. Since the exposure, not one of your friends or family will give you that "reflection in other peoples eyes" you so desperately need for this bubble to be sustained. You now have resorted to this forum, and accordingly, in this post youve attempted to portray acceptance of guilt, youve given a lovely story of character growth from the sinful person you were to the wonderful person you are now, and youve even convinced us of your victim status to such a cruel unforgiving, unreasonable, angry violent sex fiend of a husband. If you can just get these people to believe you are remorseful, maybe convince another wayward of your sincerity, you can go on living in your bubble. Heres a note on accepting guilt, dont pass your infidelity off onto your lack of a father! "I want to say that I don't think this is an excuse for all the afairs I had." BS! you wouldnt have said it otherwise! And as far as character growth, heres a challenge for you. I know the answer and so do you, but we definately wont agree. Has there been even one occasion through this whole process where youve realized you HAVE, NOT HAD, serious character flaws that need addressing? NO! Flaws exist outside of your bubble, thats the whole idea. For months ive been searching for some glimmer of hope in this S***storm, & nowhere, not even in this "last stand" post do you admit to ANYTHING you have not been caught red handed on (besides the attempt to hurt AJJ with your admittance you have been cheating on him since a week into your 9 year marriage!) Do you honestly believe anyone here believes AJJ gave you MONTHS to work things out, despite his best instinct, only to leave after you passed the rediculously expensive polygraph with "flying colors?" Your absolute refusal of self evaluation, & after all the **** youve done is discusting! & the most pathetic thing is that you refuse to even lift a finger to maintain your little bubble. Name one thing youve given up, besides touching LT's on the arm! "I am willing to not have sex with other men, not drink with en." Oh how noble of you, anyone have a cookie? Heres my favorite: "Unfortunately, I am on a governmental contract which I cannot get out of.", oh really? Can anyone else in the service back this one up? Besides AJJ's belief he can end your career:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...ds=ajosejake&Search=true#Post2599242
Seems all it takes is a little motivation ehh

Exibit B: Incapacity to accept self flaws
Enough said, you suck. God I hate you.

Exibit C: Lack of empathy
Not once in this entire post, or anything I've seen outside of this post (very impressive btw) have I seen you put yourself in your H's shoes and truely try to imagine how your actions have have destroyed his very soul. I had a lot more but am drunk & tired of typing. Read your own damn thread

Heres my advice to you, which you will not take. SHUT THE HELL UP! dont try to defend yourself, dont try to thank anyone for good advice. Know that YOU are the only one in the world that believes what you say, and YOU SHOULDNT! Know that with your type of personality, everything you say can be detrimental to your recovery as it will define you. You cannot be wrong, & with the guilt youve buried, theres a lot of wrong to be. Let this sink in over the next few months.

Like I wrote in my reply, I did think about what you wrote and I took your advice on not pushing the IM thing away. (not sure if you read my reply). What I said about streamlining the parenting process I meant to make sure we were on the same parenting page. I am not sure how you got that was for me. I have not tried to contact my BH at all per his request. Thank you for your link on parallel parenting. In my original post, I indicated that this forum was new to me. I have read Dr. Harley's ideologies on Basic Concepts, Love Bank, Emotional Needs, Love buster, and have read the book "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs" but I have not surfed around the site or forum to find threads or links like what you have posted so thanks.

Again, please don't take what I write on here personally to you. I'm sorry if I . offended you

Writting this is in violation of ajj's no contact request, and until I read this I had no intention of contacting you, at least for years to come.

?
"This entire post is riddled with self incriminating supporting evidence, despite the half truths and convienient gaps in information. The reason you cheat is your complete and utter lack of empathy for anyone but yourself and incapacity to accept the flaws of who you ARE, not who you WERE. Because of this, you have lived your ENTIRE life in a bubble where your reality was based on your reflection in other peoples eyes. You could never accept that you had the same flaws as everyone else. Your powers of self delusion were so powerful that as long as everyone thought you were the perfect wife, you could actually believe it yourself! I wrote that in past tense, but not a damn thing has changed. When ajosejake first told me about the full exposure I wasnt sure what to think, but shortly realized the genious of it. (brainhurts & co, I cant thank you enough for all youve done) He completely shattered your bubble. He just robbed you of your perfect wife/mother image. I initially thought this would force you to have a come to jesus meeting with yourself to determine whether or not YOU wanted to be in the marriage for the love of your family, & not for your love of picture perfect facebook posts. To be honest, after you didnt give up a part of me thought there might be hope.

Exibit A: Life in a bubble
So you are not sure why you wrote this post ehh? Let me break it down for you. You found a new bubble. Instead of the perfect wife, youve been downsized to the remorseful one. Now after months of your BS, he left you and youve been downgraded again to the victimized remorseful wife. Since the exposure, not one of your friends or family will give you that "reflection in other peoples eyes" you so desperately need for this bubble to be sustained. You now have resorted to this forum, and accordingly, in this post youve attempted to portray acceptance of guilt, youve given a lovely story of character growth from the sinful person you were to the wonderful person you are now, and youve even convinced us of your victim status to such a cruel unforgiving, unreasonable, angry violent sex fiend of a husband. If you can just get these people to believe you are remorseful, maybe convince another wayward of your sincerity, you can go on living in your bubble.

I almost forgot the most important thing, I have a request to make. Please never again use your son as leverage in anything, regardless of how small. If you walk away from this with anything, please walk away with that. I really want to scream at you, but it is very important for him. if nothing else please think about this

[
You probably won't respond to this. I have never used my son as leverage. I don't agree with the IM because I think we can talk about the things our son needs like adults. ?

@ SusieQ: I haven't been dismissing your posts at all.

I don't agree with the IM because I think we can talk about the things our son needs like adults.

Today I had a session with my counselor (not through MB) and I printed your post and talked to him about it because I really thought you hit the nail on the head on a lot of things.