And I almost forgot... I have an assessment for an ongoing position this coming week, having passed the initial interview.

I think I'm on a roll...

Yes you are

Your strength is shining through.

what a good way to change that memory. you are doing so well cara. i am so happy for you.

so...what is today's wall colour preference? in the lounge or the bedroom? or are you focusing, like many women do, on the kitchen and bath first? :O)

omgosh, if i could redo my house, what thinks i would think!

I had a reminder today that my personal recovery is dependent on a dark Plan B. I may be healing, but I am still traumatised by ANY contact (direct or indirect) with Gollum.

I rang my father, and he told me he had just received a registered letter for me. I immediately thought it was divorce papers from Gollum as he is now eligible to apply.

I admit it, my reaction was a sick feeling to the pit of my stomach. My thoughts were zooming all over the place. Once I finally opened the letter, it was just my birth certificate I had ordered (and forgotten about). I almost burst into tears in relief.

I expect the papers to be coming, I know I am well on the way to divorce. My reponse shook me though. As strong as I feel, this is still not what I want. What is really weird, is that I also don't know that I would want marital recovery anymore either.

To distract myself, I have been deliberating about whether to get stone top benches in the kitchen, or to indulge in an extra large shower in the en suite!!! You are so right Letty, kitchen or bathroom. Hmmmm, choices, choices.

I also get to choose the girliest scheme ever, not thinking about anyone but ME.

It sounds like you're definitely making personal growth.

Keep growing my friend.

Cara, You have made excellent progress. I'm sure no matter the timeframe or how dark you are D papers (or the thought of them)will take its toll emotionally, we are human. You have done well though to turn it around and re focus on you. "My hat is off to you"

Exciting choices lay ahead ... benches, tiles. Enjoy have fun choosing your own style.

Thanks BH and Happy.

Happy, it really helps that you pointed out that my response to D papers is NORMAL. I would rather this, than have a wayward's response.

It shows my loyalty and committment to my vows. Things I'm proud of.

Good on you thats the Aussie spirit! Seriously, you have a alot to be proud of, you stood against the affair, all your actions indicate you value your vows and marriage. You can hold you head high

Caracal - catching up on your progress. Good for you!
Exciting things and well deserved!

Caracal, I also had a "scare" like that once. I had a delivery notice, that I needed to sign for some mail. I thought for sure that it was divorce papers, and I was shaking. It wasn't. I also was upset at myself for reacting. Now though, I think about it, and it is in a more clinical way. I know what steps I would take. The papers would just be the beginning of those steps.

Can someone please call the WAAHambulance... poor, poor Gollum is in need of one!

I just got his solicitor's response. It is the most foggy blameshifting legal paper I have ever read. Every paragraph includes a lie. All two pagest of it. I kid you not. My initial legal letter did not incude anything about ME. His is all about HIM. Like I should care and accommodate his situation.

Looks like my rewording about the marriage breakdown due to his affair hit home though. His legal response... "We are instructed that the relationship between the parties broke down irretrievably due to our client feeling shut out by your client and there being a breakdown of communication between the parties". I burst out laughing.

Yeah it hurts. But I can see him for who he is. Blech.

The rest of the letter is all Gollum saying "woe is me, I've been generous with Caracal, why is she so nasty and wanting more now that I've fallen on hard times".

The only part I hope is truth (cause I know the rest isn't) is that he has fallen on hard times. I want him to hit rock bottom and be a better person.

But I know better than to ever believe a wayward. My response will be based on what is better for me. I'm contacting my solicitor in the morning for advice. I need to weigh up whether pursuing this is better for me, or me wanting to teach him a lesson only to draw it out for myself. Hmmm.

I don't like this part, the legal part. But I guess I haven't liked any of Gollum's choices.

Oh, and to really wind me up... the words "finalise quickly and amicably".

Disgusting. Unsurprisingly disgusting.

Same thing here. But every time his solicitors try to dilute evidence of infidelity, with 'oh but he was sad', mine is very unfazed and replies that we have evidence of what I am claiming - he does not!!!

The law kinda likes evidence.

what she said!

Oh, yes! Please be amicable. Poor Gollum should not be subjected to any unpleasantness.

This all just sucks. Sorry, Caracal. You're doing great, though!

(((Caracal))) my friend.

Stay strong.

Thanks all, it really helps. My anger with him is huge. Lucky for me my friend let me pour it out today.

Quick ? What do others think about using the impact on my mental health (doctor referred me to psychologist) in legal response?

I don't really want Gollum knowing this, however his sob story has me worried. He is claiming he was made reduntant and has no income to support himself. I'm unsure if revealing this is necessary... I guess it would show impact but I'm worried he will later use it against me. Advice?

I would not use it.

Thanks reading. It's what I thought, art of war style.

cara, are you in the brisbane area? if so, i have a Q.

No sorry, I'm in regional vic. Can I still help?