How many people have moved back in and the WS moved out and filed for temporary custody of the kids?

Dude, dont worry about these questions now, get back in the house. Manu of these questions are stalling tactics on your part.

Actions.

That will get you somewhere.

You have had plenty advice from the vets. You have taken no action. You are going no where right now, but that same circle.

Do something.

sorry, totally. i thought i included a note below the quote box that said: "#1 and #2 should be done simultaneously."

When are you going back home?

Her affairs are still on and you are letting her have your kids around this?

Hey, Totally.

Can I tell you that you sound like my WH's OW's BH? And you do not want to be him. She has steamrollered him completely, taken over my WH, has 2 men worshiping her, and lives the best of both worlds in her double life. She has completely ruined 2 men, 2 families, and a whole lot of lives. No. End this now.

The best thing you could possibly do for yourself, your wife, your kids, and your life is to stand up and be an alpha male. Women want that and respect that. Not a testosterone surging, chest pounding jerk, but a man who is sure of himself, confident, makes decisions and sticks by them, stands up for his family and what is right, knows what he wants and goes after it, and does not allow himself to be walked on - ever.

I'm not sure what should go into a letter to OM - I'm kind off a newbie, but I would assume you come from a place of strength, calm, firm resolve and tell him that you love your wife, that you intend to stand up for your marriage and family, and that he'd better get out now while he can do it unscathed.

I think if you show strength, resolve, and decisiveness, do Plan A with no love busters, be the best husband and father you can be - NO neediness! - that you have a good chance of getting to your wife. If she leaves, she leaves. You can't control that. But you can control that she will know she left a man who loves her and has the fortitude to get through something even as awful as this with her. She will remember that, and it will get to her.

Don't just turn the kids over to her! If it comes to that, fight her for them. No WS should get custody. And no BH should leave his home - more plan doormat, the problem in the first place. She doesn't respect you. She's off with some Don Juan aggressive enough to come after a married woman, and probably loads of fun when he's wining and dining her in fantasyland. You be strong, steady, an example of love and strength and stability. Stand for what's right. That's what she really wants. Pixie dust dissipates eventually.

I took a bit of prodding to get into exposure as well. I've been a doormat for a very long time myself. At this point I am even literally physically afraid of my WH. But I stood up to him and this ridiculous tramp OW (after a few swift kicks from MB) - 2 people who have been running my life and my children's lives into the ground. I exposed to nearly everyone on her fb list. I would have done the same to WH if I'd done this 2 years ago. At this point, all his friends, family, coworkers, etc. know. I didn't read your whole thread, but sounds like this is recent enough to slam your WW too. EVERYONE. She'll be mad as a hornet, but she'll also see that something has shifted in you, she will see strength and somewhere in there she will also recognize that you love her enough to fight for her.

I know the feeling of dread and fear, the doubts, the questioning, everything - but you will feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you have thrown open these iron doors of deceit and darkness to let in some sunlight and fresh air. You will feel so empowered. You will know you have it in you to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, to be a great dad, and to live a great life.

I am no longer the doormat. I have stood up. I am the guardian of my own heart, family, and home. I will protect myself and my children, and no more of this garbage is getting through my door - ever.

You can do this, Totally!

Well it is 2pm eastern time. Have you moved back home yet? Or is it just hours, days, weeks, or months away still?

When?????

BH, I am not sure why you invest time in this guy!

Totally, watching WWII movies this weenend - not at all sure I'd want you in my foxhole. Do you have any idea of how many men died back then, especially in June 1944, to preserve the freedom and the opportunities that you now have! Sorry to say, but you are a disgrace now now to the men who would have loved to be with their families, but could not, and you choose to run away!!!

I know TOM. I'm losing my patience.

They did this to me too, Totally. It worked! GO HOME! and EXPOSE!

You will feel SOOO much better!

Then everyone who's kicking your behiney now will come back and cheer for you

Best thing I've don't for my self esteem in years - expose, expose, EXPOSE!

And go home! You'll lose your kids and your house if you don't. Some scum bucket lying, cheating jerk will be raising your kids, Totally. Yuck.

The way i see it, instead of moving back home where you would actually have a chance at marital recovery, you are now at her front door being a doormat. How is that working for you?

Totally, last effort:

"How many people have moved back in and the WS moved out and filed for temporary custody of the kids?"

Totally, let me flip your question - how many BH's abandonded their family, moved out of their home and allowed their young kids to be exposed to an affair and a POSOM - probably NONE! So, why have you abandoned your family? I realize the incident with the POSOM in your home and the bitter taste in your mouth. Could you please explain tho why you are allowing your young children to be exposed to your WW's affair and the emotionally damaging implications of your absence? If you think that you are being analytic, cutsie or James Bondsie, you are not.

I am very concerned about your immature attitude regarding your young kids, and the emottional damage that your absence from your own home might cause. I do not recall anyone here raising this concern! It isn't about just dialoguing with Melody or anyone else here about strategy for YOU in terms of exposure or recovering your M - it's about You fullfilling your role as a father. They are are all concerned people, but they can offer only so much, especially if you do not listen. So, get back home, like Tonight, not tomorrow!

When was the last time you talked with your kids?

I have looked at your thread with concern up to now. At this point I don't have the charity to go farther.

Tom

I second this! Totally, you remind me of my WH's OW's BH. If he had grown a pair and told my WH where to go from Day 1, he probably would have run away with his tail between his legs. It's because WH moved in so easily without a fight, BH was so "Mr. Nice Guy" decent guy. My WH and OW have called him "Balless ______" from the get-go. She has no respect for him because he never stood up.

You're bowing out to a coward. Stand up. Man up. I know it's hard. We all do. But Tom is right - forget everything else. GO BE A DAD!!! Throw your WW out if you must, but get home to your children.

I have looked at your thread with concern up to now. At this point I don't have the charity to go farther. - Tom

I got a bit left, Tom. Take a break....

T2C, let me ask you a question, or at least suggest you ask yourself a question. What element/emotion/concept is it that causes you to NOT take action? It seems that the advice here is read, and seemingly accepted, but never acted upon.

I'll propose that the answer is "fear", as in fear of being responsible for any unexpected, unintended negative consequences of actions you would initiate.

In a perverse way, being "helpless", even in a disastrous situation, has a comfort value with it. EMTs are trained to instruct trauma victims, "Relax, you're in our hands now, you don't need to struggle, we will take care of you," thereby lessening the pulses of adrenaline which create opportunities for shock, and increased bleeding.

The opposite environment, in which one takes control of one's situation, is highly stressful, in which every decision is fraught with the possibilities of being criticized by outsiders, or, worse, one's own self.

But placidly riding a situation such as yours into the ground, without having the risk-acceptance necessary to grab the control yoke and try to direct the craft into a better result, is not helpful, my friend.

Strap up, and fight!

Sorry guys for the absence. Needed to read through my thread a few more times. I talked to my new lawyer and he is behind me 100% on whatever route I want to take. I will be and I promise I will be moving back home this weekend. I know I have said this a number of times but this time is for real. The lawyer gave me some advice that helped me out. The reason for this weekend is so my wife doesn't take the kids while I'm at work if it comes down to that. She is a teacher and is out for the summer so I think we may end up playing tug a war with the kids.

On another note this is the text I just sent to the OM.

" Look, you mess with my life, I mess with yours. You continue, I continue. You push me, I push back. Get the picture? Stay the heck away from my wife or you're going to fully realize what I'm capable of. That means quit talking to her through facebook, Texting, or whatever your using to communicate. Also if you ever step foot in my yard, my house, or my place of employment, I will have you arrested for trespassing."

Please believe me this time I am going all the way. Thanks for all the help and the hopefully the upcoming help I will need to get through this.

We will be waiting to hear. (where is that foot tapping emotion?)

Here it is Logan.

And I second it.

Oh, oh I know, I know.

T2c is too busy moving back home to be answering his thread.

Geeez LR give the man another hundred breaks.

Alright after battling a bout of depression this whole week I have now moved back home. Got my copy of SAA in the mail today an have started reading it. Now waiting to see what the ww does since she wasn't home when I got here. Right now cutting the grass that hasn't been cut since a month ago when I cut it last. Now ready for your help.