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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5 |
I have been with my fiance for going on 6 months. He recently just got out of the Navy last October and learning civilian life for him is extremely difficult especially after he has deployed twice. He has alot of issues with his PTSD and has been slacking off with getting the help that he needs. Lately for the last couple of months we have been literally fighting everyday its so bad that its now beginning to spill over to my work and its beginning to be a problem. About a month ago it escalated and we were in an arguement and he left bruises on both my arms. He is also very verbally abusive and will call me every name in the book and make me feel so low. I had to wear long sleeve shirts to cover it but the bruises were there for a while. It makes me so sad that I have allowed this type of behavior to happen. I have 2 small children and I cant let them see me go through this. Its bad enough that they have seen us argue. He apologized for what he did but I dont feel that it was meant. Hes currently away on a family vacation and is still finding ways to argue and fight with me. Im so emotional as it is.I found out a couple days ago that i am pregnant. I told him about it and he was happy one minute and the next he is so angry. Please advise!!!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
Welcome and I'm sorry for what has brought you here. You need to protect you and your kids. He needs to get help for his PTSD. Dr. Harley recommends separation when there's physical abuse until he is in an anger program and gets help. You need to break off this engagement until he gets help. Do you live together? Please listen to these radio clips of what Dr. Harley says about physical abuse. Radio clip on physical abuse Segment #2 Segment #3
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412 |
If you are engaged, this behavior will likely get worse once you are married. Please consider separating until he gets help!
{{{{aimee}}}}
"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
aimee, you boyfriend is away on a family vacation? Why are you not with him?? YOU and your children will be his family!
And he is bruising you??
RUN, GIRL.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5 |
Thank you for the support its really needed right now. He really does need to get help and i have told him that we need to take this time apart and focus on ourselves before we can work as a couple. He says that when he gets home he will go to VA for help but actions say it all. He didnt handle breaking the engagement too well. He comes home this Sunday and i know he will be at my front pourch. What do I do?
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5 |
Thank you for the advice. I let him know that we need to seperate until he can get his PTSD under control. I love him but im tired of being scared of him not knowing when hes gonna snap. I told him i cant marry him like this he did not handle that well. Hopefully when he gets home he will seek help. Ill keep u updated.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5 |
Thank you for the reply. I didnt go with him because we needed the time apart and plus he needed to reconnect with his family and son. This time apart was needesd he comes home this sunday ill let yoy know how it goes
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
Thank you for the support its really needed right now. He really does need to get help and i have told him that we need to take this time apart and focus on ourselves before we can work as a couple. He says that when he gets home he will go to VA for help but actions say it all. He didnt handle breaking the engagement too well. He comes home this Sunday and i know he will be at my front pourch. What do I do? Did you listen to those clips on what Dr. Harley said? Your safety is the priority. Good job on having firm boundaries and not taking it. You tell him you can't see him until he's in a program getting help, no dates, no visits, nada. Write a letter explaining this, if you can't tell him in person, and buy him Lovebusters by Dr. Harley.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5 |
I did listen to the clips thank you so much. My safety is a priority and hopefully he will get the help he needs. We will see he comes home in two days
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
I did listen to the clips thank you so much. My safety is a priority and hopefully he will get the help he needs. We will see he comes home in two days What will you do if he tries to come see you? Are you prepared for that?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
The next time he hits you call the police.
They will help you AND help him by holding him accountable
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
About a month ago it escalated and we were in an arguement and he left bruises on both my arms. He is also very verbally abusive and will call me every name in the book and make me feel so low. I had to wear long sleeve shirts to cover it but the bruises were there for a while. It makes me so sad that I have allowed this type of behavior to happen. I have 2 small children and I cant let them see me go through this. Do not marry this man. Your first priority is your children. Break off the engagement, and date AT LEAST 30 other men before getting into another committed relationship.
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