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#2631618 06/01/12 04:12 PM
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Hi all MB veterans,

My wife is having an affair and after I confronted her 2 weeks ago she gave me hopes that our marriage could be salvaged. We were loving and went for dates though I can see sometimes she was feeling down but she still tried to put up a brave front for me.

I know she still loves me and our 3 year old daughter. But she is too caught up in the EA that now she has decided to leave us. When she told me that she decided, I left the house. She was crying real bad and I know it also pains her but it's her own doing.

I love her very much and I still do and I willing to forgive her. I can not bear to put our young daughter thru this. Can anyone please tell me is there any way our marriage can still be salvaged? What should I do?



Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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Welcome to MB .. sorry you find yourself in this place. Yes your marriage CAN be saved .. you have great hope .. especailly if your wife wants to work on it. There is a fine line to walk on the road to recovery.

First off .. how old are you? how many kids? when was Dday? have you exposed to anyone? (exposure is the biggest tool to kill an affair) Do you know who the POSOM is? have you exposed to his family? HAve you done any snooping? IE: keylogger on PC .. VAR in car .. etc?

I would get the book Surviving an affair. The tools here give you the BEST chance at recovery. DO NOT waste your money on counseling they will only facilitate your divorce and help you go with "what ever you feel is best" .the vets will be along shortly to guide you along this path better.

If you can find out who OM is ... copy all your wifes FB contacts to a word file .. ASAP. Read up on PLAN A and prepare for PLAN B. YOu got alot of work head of you but you CAN do it.

MNG

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REad up on Plan A and move home immediately.

Gather the evidence you need (see operation investigate if needed)

EXPOSE .... EXPOSE .... EXPOSE

Plan A like a rock star now ... do not (NEVER) discuss separation/divorce. Kill her with kindness and absolutely no lovebusters.

Become the man she fell in love with ... be a rock star dad

Keep reading and posting!!!!

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Hi Q.

Are you saying that your wife abandoned you and your daughter? Where did she go?

Who have you exposed to?

You have found a safe place here where there any many great people to help you.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Originally Posted by Qwer
I know she still loves me and our 3 year old daughter. But she is too caught up in the EA that now she has decided to leave us. When she told me that she decided, I left the house.

Do not leave your house! Move back, today! Do not ask permission...do not tell her you're coming back...just move home, into the marital bed! If she has a problem with it, she can be the one to sleep on the couch or guest room.

If she does leave the house, do not let her take your daughter with her. The only way the child leaves with WW is if she produces a court order.

Find out who OM is. Pay him a visit and tell him to buzz off. Take some friends with you to keep you from doing anything you'll regret later.


Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Your wife is high on her addiction (the OM) she will most likely bounce back and forth and try and have her needs met by BOTH of you as this plays out. YOu HAVE To kill this affair in order to move forward.

Affairs are JUST like addictions. How do you kill an addiction? by stopping cold turkey. How do you stop cold turkey? by telling everyone and painting it up to be a nightmare for them instead of a fairy tale happy ending like they are creating in their minds. Once the affair is exposed it puts pressure on OM and that usually runs him off. OM are usually wussies that flee as soon as his piece of tail gives him grief.(he is leading up to PA and if your wife told you it was an EA its is MOST likely ALREADY a PA). Gather your evidence .. and be MR.Cool while you do.

Read this ... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html and follow all the links after it.

MNG

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Thank you all for responding.

I am 32 years old. We have 1 3 year old daughter. D day was 20th May 2012.

I do not know who the OM is. She refuse to divulge anything. I just confronted her based on my gut feel and she admitted that she is having an EA.

After D day I proceeded with Plan A. But she told me today she chooses to leave us for OM.

She is home with daughter. It is me who left the house. Please help!


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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Originally Posted by bitbucket
Do not leave your house! Move back, today! Do not ask permission...do not tell her you're coming back...just move home, into the marital bed! If she has a problem with it, she can be the one to sleep on the couch or guest room.

Exaclty .. if you leave .. and this goes sour. The courts can and will say you abandoned them. GO HOME! STAY THERE! and DO NOT WALK ON EGGSHELLS. Be nice .. and pleasant .. but not a door mat ok?

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Originally Posted by Qwer
It is me who left the house. Please help!

See above. When are you going home?


Me - 44
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DD4
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If she tells you its EA only .. SHE LIES! shes in the fog. Get some snooping done ASAP. read all you can here starting with the basics... and the other link i provided about affairs.

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Yes she has already admitted it is a PA.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Sep 2007
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Originally Posted by Qwer
She is home with daughter. It is me who left the house. Please help!

Just GO home (my step dad made this mistake and stayed out too long then mother in law changed all the locks and called the police on him saying he is abusive so get home before that happens) ... its your home too. police will not do anything. If she doesnt like it .. SHE LEAVES .. WITHOUT the daughter. BE FIRM in this ... and only talk marriage.

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I am confused here. I thought by leaving I would be in Plan B.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Sep 2007
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logon to facebook ... and copy all her friends to a note pad or word file .. he is proably on there. ONce you get home .. you can then get some spyware on the PC and find out... check the phone records.. and lok for a common number one that you dont recognize. thats probably him...

Does your wife work? more often than not .. its a co-worker.... think about thigs and places she spends alot of time at .. THATS where he is.

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You DONT do plan B until you have done a PLAN a for several months. GO HOME! .. its imperative that you get home before she calls the cops on you and says your crazy.

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Originally Posted by Qwer
She is home with daughter. It is me who left the house. Please help!

Go back home. Leaving your home allows your WW to move the affair into your own home and exposes your DD to OM. It also now looks like YOU abandoned your family.

Tell WW you made a mistake and have decided not to leave your own home. If she wants to leave then "she" can leave but DD and you stay in the home.

Read this:

Men don't leave your home


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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All I know about the OM is he is not around us. He is someone wife met with she was back in her hometown. My wife works and she rarely spend time away from the home. I send and fetch her to/from work everyday.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
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She won't be able to move affair back home. My parents stays with us. I can no longer do Plan A cos she already told me she's leaving.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
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Well .. she communicates with him somehow ... you wont be able to find out while your not living in your OWN home .. that is number 1. just go home today ... and dont worry about your wifes reaction to it. IF she wants to call the cops after she finds you in there .. let her. They will see you live there .. and your the dad to your DD .. and they will have nothing to stand on to remove you. As long as your calm .. and dont feed into her crap if she has an emotional outburst at you to try and get you to leave.

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