This is going to be his official explanation to his friends and family as to why he is moving out. Make sure you explain to everyone that you have asked him to leave because his infidelity is damaging your marriage and family.

Has he explained what he's going to do between Monday - his move-out date - and the two weeks he has to wait until his place is ready? Surely he doesn't intend to burden you with his adulterous presence for the next two weeks? Surely you haven't backed down on your required move-out date?

thx Pep.....i failed to finish typing my thought.......forgive my moment

t/j over

mama, how's it going today? are you able to plan a? do you have plan b ready to go on monday? please don't allow him to stay 2 more weeks. that will be very detrimental for you, and enables him. he needs to see what life will be like with the choices he is making.

please check in. i'm worried about your health.

So should I tell him to find somewhere else to stay until his so called place is ready (I don't believe he found a place, just trying to scare me)? I'm not sure what my next move is. I know, and I've told him, there is no privacy in a marriage. Should I continue to plan a him while he's here, or ignore him except to tell him to get out? Should I keep asking him to be honest or what? I'm so confused as what i should do! There hasn't been any contact since I sent her the message, he stayed home this weekend. His brother did talk to him and he asked me why I told him, I said because I want it to stop and maybe he can help you get your sh** together. I need help as to what I should do...

I'm ok, this morning I asked if I could lay down with him, one thing led to another, and he just kept telling me he loves me over and over, how he can't live without me. I said you love me, yet you don't want to be honest and you want privacy, it doesn't work. He said that spying on him is wrong and he doesn't like it, nobody would and that since I don't trust him then maybe we should separate. I just said I don't trust you but you can get trust back by being honest. Same thing over and over again. I just don't know what to do. I have a horrible headache and have stomach problems today. I don't know if I'm supposed to plan a him until he leaves, or what.

yes, plan a all you can. avoid talking about him moving out. but it's ok to say that you want a "great marriage when he has NC with OW."

you should pack his stuff and change the locks on monday. put his things outside with your PB letter.

the things he's saying about privacy - all waywards talk that way. it's simply proof that he's wayward. when he comes out of the fog, you will know he's not wayward anymore when he opens his life to you willingly.

remember, it's not your job to worry about how he will cope when you put him out. he's a big boy, and he can manage the consequences of his actions. once you're in plan b, it will be all about you. you will find yourself posting here a lot. that is good!

i see you said "one thing led to another." there are divided opinions here on sf with an active wayward. however, you are in plan a, and it would have been difficult not to, though you could have said how much you enjoyed being intimate (cuddling with him) and that you looked forward to sf when he does NC.

neak is one who used sf as a weapon in her plan a arsenal, you should read her thread on monday when you have time. i have to admit that i used sf as well - i knew that no one would be able to hold a candle to me in the bedroom and i could really make his head spin! but my OW was a continent away, so i didn't have sf-related problems to worry about, and may have acted completely differently if she had been here and he'd been having sf with her. plus, he'd had a sexual health screen.

it's your decision how you choose to act with your H. only you know what you can and are willing to do. but don't say things like "if you loved me" right now. let him have the memory of a good time with you without any negativity. you could say something like "we could have sf like this every day if you would commit to NC with OW."

stay strong mama. i'm sorry about your tummy troubles. it will probably get worse between now and tuesday, but you will feel better after that. some immodium (sp?) perhaps?

Ok. This is just so frustrating and difficult!! I will plan a until Monday. I will remain firm, pack his bags and give him letter when he gets back from work.

Don't GIVE him the letter! Change the locks and leave everything on the porch WITH the letter, like Letty said. You don't give him a no contact letter to say you will no longer be in contact. You're done at that point. You're in Plan B. Show him you mean it by leaving the letter and his things outside, by locking the doors and not answering. Stay firm. Don't give him a chance to argue, sweet talk, try to get out of it or weaken your resolve. Where he does or does not go is not your worry.

Ok. Crap. I hate him for doing this to us.

that's normal :O) see how you feel in 5 minutes. you will be up and down and angry and sad. it's normal and good to feel this way. you have been put through a lot! but as you start being proactive, you will gain strength.

It is so difficult. I can't just change the locks, his mom lives with us, she supports me but I don't want to stress her out by making it more traumatic for her. I will pack his bags and when he comes home, he will find them and the letter. I can't accept this BS of needing privacy and if he thinks I'm controlling and whatever, he can be as 'free' as a frikkin bird and have as much privacy as he wants outside of this house. I am fed up. It will be so hard for my kids, that's the worst part of this whole thing. today he kept insisting she is just a friend and again said that me sending her a message was wrong. I said he should've expected it as I've done it in the past to so called "friends" of his. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Loads of crap. We all hate them for doing this. I'm so sorry. But you will feel better when you start to stand up for yourself.

You sound like me:) You CAN change the locks! Explain to his mother that you love him, that he refuses to stop what he is doing, and that you feel this is the best chance you have to save your marriage. I think she will support you.

That really is what you should do. If you won't, at least be gone WITH the children, and don't come home until you are sure he's gone.

Ahh, good idea Rainysweet! That I can do!

Yes, you should tell him that he needs to get out on Monday. That was your date. He knew it. If he wants to continue to consort with his old, sick, decrepit, poor adultery partner, he needs to get the hell out of your house and not sicken you and your children with his adultery. You already drew the line in the sand - he's trying to change that. He doesn't get to do that. If he refuses to dump that piece of scum, he needs to GET OUT. Where he goes is not your problem.

Brokenmama, you are doing well and receiving some great advice. I understand how you feel about changing the locks given your MIL lives with you. Rainy's idea about leaving the house whilst he collects his things is a good way to relieve the stress of seeing him move out.

You are right, it is unacceptable that WS have the A and then accuse the BS of all kinds of things to get them to back off. They don't like any interference in their secret life. I know it hurts, but try to remember its all foggy babble. WS also like to portray the BS as the "bad guy" to justify their behaviour and given them an excuse (in their foggy mind)to have/continue the A. As MB stated, he will tell everyone this is the reason you separated, this another benefit of exposure, it gets the truth out there.

I know its not easy, some days (even hours)are better than others. Everything you have felt so far and continue to feel is normal. Stay strong and keep posting you will continue to find encouragement and support from all the MBers.

So if you leave, Mama, just make sure you hold fast. Be prepared to stay the night somewhere else if you have to. Don't contact him, or answer a call from him. Leave the Plan B letter, with a note asking him to please collect his things and leave so that you can bring your children home for the night. In fact maybe you could even say something like, "Please collect your things and be gone by 8:00pm so that I can return and put the children to bed." Don't apologize, and don't leave the children at home - make sure you take them with you.

Then have your MIL call you when he is gone, or drive by and make sure his car is gone before you come home. (Did I see on here you don't have a car? I'm thinking maybe I did, so if that is the case hopefully MIL will call you, or you could call her).

But I would be prepared in case he doesn't leave, thinking you will come home and cave. DON'T. Stay away for the night if you must.

Good luck. I know it's so hard.

Mama, you're not planning to leave your home, are you?? Absolutely do not leave your home! Your WH leaves. Not you and your children.

i am concerned WH won't leave the house if he has access. you really should explain to your MIL. you may be pleasantly surprised. surely she knows there's something going on. besides, you want her on your side if she's living there.

change the locks. don't allow access. and do NOT, under any circumstances, engage with him. be prepared to *hear* lots of i'm sorrys, i've ended it, etc that he will use to gain access and try to manipulate you.

Thought I'd better clarify this, Mama:

I didn't mean she should permanently leave her home. I just meant if she refused to change the locks (which I DO think is by far the best alternative), it would be better if she was not there when he got home to get the Plan B letter, get his things, and get out. And that she might have to be prepared to stay away for a few hours if he didn't leave right away, to get the point across.

If she won't change the locks, how else will she do it? Only other way is a direct confrontation, trying to force someone she can't compete with physically to leave while he's either begging, pleading, and promising; or else being abusive and scary.

For the record, I WISH YOU WOULD change the locks, Mama! Try talking to MIL. I think that's a good idea. If she knows you love her son, knows the situation and what you're trying to do, it sounds like she would be supportive.