I've never heard of caesarstone either. And I am also jealous. But I love decorating/remodeling/house stuff in general, so I am DE-lighted with you t-jacking your own thread, Caracal, to give us all a pleasant diversion to all the garbage in our midst! Too bad we are not all nearby to come help with the projects and distract us further:)

So are you building a home? Or remodeling? Sounds like you bought land and you're building, but just checking. That is a happy thing for you!

I am blessed that after a few months in an apartment, I was able to move my children into a new house - much smaller than our old home, but that's okay. I am so grateful for it! (And hope to get Pinoke to pay CS soon enough that I don't lose this house too - grrr!)

Anyway, I think it is very healing, nice and peaceful, to have a space that is your own, where you are not constantly bombarded with painful memories. It's been a good thing for all of us. I hope it's a good thing for you as well. Happy for you!

I looked up caesarstone - had to. It's like silestone? Nice! (Letty, the official definition said "manmade stone that is many times harder than natural stone and is scratch and stain resistant." So I guess less likely to stain, but not completely guaranteed? Pictures of it are very pretty. What color, Caracal?

ooooo, i too googled! i'd love to have the apple martini in my kitchen! i shall live vicariously through cara's build. can't wait, cara, until you're far enough along for pix! i always go to my H's jobs and check out the kitchen and baths!

let us know which colours you're considering!

Yes, I second that!

Cara, My understanding is the type of finish (honed - require more maintenance or polished)effects the porosity of the bench top. The Pearly Shores and Nero Perla have sea shells imbedded in them and the shells are susceptible to staining. The ceasarstone is also heat resistant, although I wouldn't put hot saucepans directly on the bench.

My understanding and experience is that spills can be left longer than natural stone and still removed. Check the ratings that will give you more information. I personally wouldn't risk red wine spills I'd remove straight away, but our bench top is a light colour.

My MIL & FIL have had casearstone at their last two houses and have been happy with it. They quite often have tea and coffee spills when making a cup and they have always been able to remove them.

Sorry to t/j Cara.

Jess, I love granite and marble but they are not as practical as the ceasarstone and other man made products. After living here for 12mths with the ceasarstone I am a happy convert ... less worry and maintenance. Great choice for the bathroom.

Oooh jessi, I'm begging for a photo!

Thanks rainy, I'm glad my thread jacking is a pleasant distraction for others, as well as for me! Maybe you are lucky you aren't all closer... I have started telling family and friends anyone who is able will have to pick up a shovel for my landscaping efforts in the future. I have promised the beer will keep flowing as long as the shovels are in hand!

I am off to sign the land contracts tomorrow. Yee HAH! I am so looking forward to my own home. I am a first home owner, and have always dreamed of having somewhere to call my own. I can't wait for building to commence, but it is not scheduled until September

You're not thread jacking Happy, not when I started it and am encouraging it!

Thanks for the feedback about caesarstone. It is reassuring that it seems your in-laws are happy and that the staining is not a problem. I had not even thought about coffee stains, so good to hear it is not an issue.

The one person I knew with it told me she left a red wine bottle on the bench and a ring formed. The next day she tried to remove it and nothing has managed to get it out.

As I now have my heart set on caesarstone, the moral of the story for me is to ensure red wine bottles stay in the sink.

Happy, what colour do you have? I am considering a latte colour. Do you have any pics to hand?

Land contracts signed, YEE-HAH! I'm now getting pretty uppity (sorry, possibly aussie slang?) with the builders who are lagging behind on the contracts. I need them signed by the end of the month to get the first home owners grant.

On another note, I am VERY aware of my boundaries right now.

My supervisor at work (the one who separated from his wife) recently sent me a FB friend request at midnight on a Saturday night. Hmmm, feeling lonely?

He has been making comments about me, complimentary comments, about my appearance and work.

Today, I had to accompany him in the car for half a day. Of course he raised his marriage breakdown and resultant feelings. I know rumours are rife about me in the office, about what happened. I mentioned that I am not ready for dating as a warning sign (and the truth too!). Of course he agreed neither was he, but his boundaries were all over the place!!! I sat there despairing. With any encouragement or signal from me, where would things go?

I know where they would go.

Sometimes being an MB'er student feels very solitary.

This same thing happened to me.

A BH, (although after seeing his boundaries I've been querying the truth of this), we were both stuck in a car for a bit together for work purposes. Of course he chooses to talk about his relationship.

He mentioned that he'd gone the pub to talk it over with a female friend and I said he should be really wary of doing that. I said OS friendships have the potential to turn into something else so he should avoid speaking to women and confide in a good male friend. I also recommended this site. Then i responded to all his statements very minimally and changed the subject as much as I could.

So the next time we ended up on a job together, he tried to tell me he hates his wife's OS friends because 'he doesnt believe men and women can be just friends'. Um, I believe I was the one who told you that, I remember thinking. I just agreed that I thought so too, and went back to minimalism in responses. I couldn�t believe he'd tried using my own philosophies, which he clearly doesn�t practice, to trap me.

Indie, its pretty clear that predators / vultures all follow the same steps.

The colleague today (after I mentioned that I don't want to complicate my marriage further by introducing a 4th person into it) started saying he suspects his W may be a WW as there may be OM on the scene.

It seems sympathy of a betrayed can be used as a means to entrap.

Maybe I am just cynical. But I just feel well-educated.

Yay! Yay! Yay! Sooo excited for you! Can't we hurry things up a bit? Sept. is a long way off Ah well. Time to plan, I guess. It goes quickly once it gets started, I think.

A down day on the coaster for me.

A day of what ifs, did I do my best, why didn't Gollum try to save our marriage, why did his A last? All questions I have no answers to. All questions that don't matter any longer to where I am at.

I have thought often today, was this Gollum's first affair?

I don't know. Maybe just the first emotional affair. Its almost like he just thought, new wife, new life. Like me, our history, my family, and our friends were all disposable items that can be replaced.

I am glad I do not view people like this. Still, its hard to be on the receiving end of such treatment.

I reflect on our marriage, and still view it as overall happy. Now that I understand Dr H's principles, I understand how the A happened anyways. What I will never understand, and maybe never want to, is that Gollum was never accountable. He never tried to repair what he broke.

I know my low mood is caused by expecting the divorce papers. Wondering what the delay is caused by. All irrelevant to my Plan B.

Just goes to show,a low mood can come from nowhere. Yesterday was a great day, today... just not.

Hang tough, my friend. It will get better. Figure out the whys may never be answered. The question is how will you let that effect your life? Be a victim and stay stuck or keep moving forward and your head down working on you?

Remember we can't change others only ourselves. Look how much you've grown since this all started. Enjoy your success that you've accomplished. I know the thoughts are there but you can control YOUR thoughts. What is your plan to deal with that?

Exactly. Kick ur WH out of your head and go and do something nice for yourself. You are doing great on your recovery, keep you head high

On the up side, the days following a low point are really good. You seem to get a boost for having purged another low point.

Plus I allow really naughty cream cakes in my low point. The trade off is I have to go swimming and to a zumba class when the energy spikes again.

The way I see it, is presuming your plan is dark, there are a set amount of low points. So each one experienced is one crossed off the list.

one way to look at this, cara, is that you can cross the predatory men off your "possibilities" list when you are ready to date after D. you already know that they are not going to pass the husband test, and don't have to waste any time on them! instead, you can focus your efforts (accept dates from) men who DIDN'T approach you while you were going through this mess. those will be the ones looking for a real relationship with a whole person.

so in a way, it's a good thing. you're learning a lot about others, and can use this info wisely in your decision making.

yes, it's a pity there are so many waywards out there :O( it goes without saying that any man who approached you with a "bad marriage" conversation during this time (during any time!) is an unacceptable potential partner, even after their own D.

contracts all signed?

Hugs, Cara. The D thing sucks. I know exactly what you mean about spouses, children, lives being seemingly just disposable. My WH's whole family seems to operate from this perspective. Like you said, though, I'm grateful I can't understand it. I would never want to be that kind of person. Really, how could you ever know real happiness if you can't love another person? You don't want to be that way, or be with someone who is, sadly, proving himself to be like that.

You're doing great. Tomorrow is another day:)

BH, IG, Livensi, Letty and Rainy, thanks for the support. It can be amazing what others words can do.

I got up the following morning after that post, and things were better. Determined to take action, I took my parents out for dinner that night. Whilst out, I ran into an old friend's mother who I haven't seen in years. She gave me her daughter's number, I contacted, and voila, she was coming back to my town for the weekend so we organised to catch up. Lovely to see her, I hadn't seen her since her wedding. We just sought of drifted apart.

I knew in her past (when we were in our late teens) she went through a tough time and had some sort of breakdown. I never really understood why. After I told her about Gollum today, she told me she struggled when her father left her mother for OW. She said she and her sisters still struggle to come to terms with his infidelity and what it did on the family.

My father knows her family. I asked him about this as I never knew about the infidelity, just that her parents split. My father said the WH just up and left for the OW. He died a few years later. The BW (who gave me her daughter's number) has found another partner who my dad says is a good man who has worked hard to become wealthy after his wife tragically died. This BW looks happy and well, content.

On another note, land contracts signed, still waiting on my building contracts. I have started putting everything in writing to the company as they are dragging their heels and I need those contracts by the end of June to get the government grant.

Whereas in the past I think I would have stressed over this, now I seem to take it in my stride. I've noticed much less upsets me these days.