Yes ... otherwise where is order? May I ask ... when is it okay to intentionally hurt someone? If your care and thoughtfulness of another person doesn't come from your moral valence, then were do you get yours?


What do you mean by this? Who do you know that happily divorces? Have you found one person? The only people I have ever seen who happily divorce (affair or not) lack all empathy. If someone happily divorces ... you can rest assured that person has some extreme and deep emotional issues and are not made to be with anyone ... they aren't marriage or even dating material.

Secondly ... you state "...come to their senses?" Again what do you mean ... they feel bad for destroying and annhilating their spouse, family, heritage, legacy, character, and integrity?

From your posts I see you have yet to grasp the ability to thoughtfully care for someone other than yourself. Your questions and responses suggest you were entitled to have an affair because your marriage was unhappy.

Do you feel your wife deserved your adultery? Was your temporary happiness (fleeting fantasy) worth destroying her because your marriage was unhappy?

How do you truly view your adultery?

This poster is obviously foggy. I would like to hear more about what he is DOING to recover his marriage from his infidelity, and less navel-gazing and pontificating about gray areas and happy vs. unhappy and the rest of that happy-slappy horse..stuff.

What say you, bres? What have you DONE?

And it wouldn't be a bad idea to actually give us a precis of your affair. Who's the OW? How long was the affair? Etc etc.

Only if you want us to help.

After 5 pages of this slap down, can you now please fill us in on what you did and what you plan to do to fix it?

Your continued search for existential approval of your cheating is tedious at best.

Get with us realists here and spill it.

And now we have a name change ... are you still reading?

I suspect you are playing us, Whatever Your Name Is. What is your point here?

Bredsc01/Des Grieux,

I thought you had started another thread looking for help after originally posting this question. I searched for it (in your posts) and come across this on another thread.

Re: Ended PA w/ OM. Thinking & Praying. [Re: MelodyLane] Des_Grieux
Junior Member

Registered: 06/04/12
Posts: 7
I would love for the OP to contact me or update me.

Ended PA w/ OM. Thinking & Praying. [Re: SugarCane] SugarCane
Member
Originally Posted By: SugarCane
Yes, I get that, alis, but I think there is more to his reason for being here and resurrecting this very old thread. I think he thinks he has something to offer us all and can set us straight about the advice we give.
He seems to have come here specifically to tout for business.

bredsc01, I know that there is a recession on and times are hard, but surely this still count as unethical behaviour. What would your licensing body say about your going to a forum paid for by a specific marriage coach and asking his individual forum members to contact you?
Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 3991

What really is your intention here? You originally posted a great question that could help many on this site struggling with infidelity. Then you post this comment on another thread.

If you are sincererly seeking advice, be honest about your intentions. Many before you have been helped regardless of whether they were the betrayed or the betrayer. There are many vets and senior members who can see through the foggy babble and deception, they will call you out if you are not being honest.

Again for emphasis, if you truely are seeking advice to repair your marriage and make amends to your BS, please post here. You will seek the help you need although at times you may not like what you hear if you are not prepared to accept responsibility for your actions.

If you have a different agenda, please refrain from posting. There are many people in pain looking for advice, encouragement and support and you are taking away valuable resources from those who need it.

Oh my G-d. You are out of control. I changed my handle to be a real name. I wished that OP to contact me because I took your advice and tried to read more of the forum. I have no agenda and I am not trying to solicit business. I am what I said I was. I asked a question. Why does there have to be a "slap down"? What if I assured you circumstances and my remorse have provided me with all the slap down I needed?

Have you had an answer to your question?

Did that answer help you?

Calm down, DG. And don't change your name again. First point: Your new name isn't a 'real name' - it's just your new name. So I don't get the point. No one else will, either.

What does this mean? Because we will call you out if we feel you are playing us. It's as simple as that.

NOW. I asked you earlier: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO RECOVER YOUR MARRIAGE? I also asked on behalf of all our posters to give us the background regarding your affair. You have failed to deliver a response. Answer, please.

Des_Grieux, I'm also a wayward, former i should say.
May I ask what do you mean with ''shades of grey''?

If you have had a look around this forum you will see that we provide Harley-based advice to people who ask for help. This particular forum (Surviving an Affair) is not a place for general discussions about affairs and marriages. This is one of the crisis forums, where people are helped with specific, concrete problems.

You didn't ask for help and, for one reason and another, you got off to a bad start here.

Why don't you start afresh by describing the problem in your marriage and seeking advice with tackling it? People here will help.

I am sorry. I am not in crisis. This was not the right forum for me.

Did you say that your marriage had not survived the affair? Are you interested in trying to rebuild the marriage, or is that out of the question?

You can delude yourself, but that won't work with us.

What forum would be more comfortable for you?

And do you have any intention of answering my previous questions?

What, really, is your goal?

He's dodging and weaving, GO. Your further help may be needed here.

You know, the reason Jews write God's name that way is so as not to profane His Name.

But when you are using it to insult other people like that, it doesn't matter if you leave the vowel out or not. It's still profane.

Sorry, that's neither here nor there for this forum, but if you're going to use God's name to swear like that, I just feel like you really might as well go ahead and include the vowel.

Is this like a proof by repeated assertion, or what? You can call it lecturing, or you can call it a chicken sandwich, but either way, it sounds like the reason you came here is not to learn about how to use Dr. Harley's program to help marriages, but instead to straighten out everybody else. And like I said, we're not here for that.

So you think there's shades of gray and the rest of us think in black and white.

But

You seem so very black and white about that.

It must be nice to have such a monopoly on truth. I think I'd go establish my own website if I felt that way and use my truth to bless the world.

Can we help you somehow, or are you just here for debate?

You came to ask a question.

Your question was answered.

Why are you still here?

Mods, can this thread be moved to Other Topics so people in need can get real help?