RQ, you posting on this thread is distracting to KISS, and it is precisely due to defending the WS that BSs are encouraged NOT to post on their WS's thread.

KISS, I wish that my family stood up for me the way that your BW's family is sticking up for her. They SHOULD be angry with you. You HURT their daughter/sister/mother/friend. That was something that THEY had to see the effects of while you ran off.

Also, ITA with HPB and ML. You haven't been treated as poorly as you think. You are feeling the CONSEQUENCES of your actions. If you don't deal with them, and choose to run, I would advise your BW not to attempt recovery with her because you would be dangerous to her. You need to deal with the consequences and make yourself into a better person. The only way you can do that is work at it.

I don't believe you're yet serious about recovery.

I would be DELIGHTED if you proved me wrong.

There were a lot of bad feelings between my sister's (MovingForward) WH and our family after his A. We are a very close family and we became very involved in making sure she was protected and in calling him (WH) out on his bad behavior.

His coming to us hat in hand and doing what HPB did (apologizing to us and thanking us for supporting MF) went a long way in healing and making things right.

I can only imagine if his attitude had been like yours that the situation would have kept escalating...as it has done in your case.

This makes me very sad for RQ and your family.

Is this the way you demonstrate your committments after just five short weeks?

Will you treat your marriage the same way?

Kiss, I thought I would re-visit this post.

When I examine your wifes "sig line";


Your wife sensed an emotional affair had already begun, "because it had".

And your re-writing of the Thanksgiving Day history is such typical wayward crapola that it almost makes me laugh to read it again.

Do you see the dishonesty in this post of yours?

I know it's tough to admit it, but you really set up the whole Thanksgiving Day drama to excuse yourself from going anywhere. My bet is you were in contact with OW that day. It's pretty typical wayward behavior...... and so is the re-write!

Do you see this??

I did the same things, you're not unique my friend! It's all stuff right outa the wayward handbook...

Your wife's list of requirement included;

Demonstrating remorse (Godly remorse, not I'm sorry I got caught remorse)

Posting on this forum

Apologies to those you've harmed (immediate and extended families)


The current score ------- 0 for 3 (thats a strike out)

What ways can you accomplish this "build her trust back in me", because dissin' her family ain't a good start.


Feelings of security will come from loving actions as well as respect for others.

Read Matt 5:46-47 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?


And

Matt 23:23-27 �Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices�mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law�justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

�Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

�Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.



This kinda sums up both you and me (me during my first recovery)..... Do you see yourself in any of these verses? And we wanted others to trust us?? jeesh, theyd've been crazy to trust such a viper... ya know!

Specifically,

What

Does

This

Quote

Mean

To

You

???????

Was this for real?

Did you have a sincere moment out of the fog and then disappear back into the abyss again a short week or so later?


Look, I disappeared back into the abyss after a few weeks of recovery and it took months before I returned.... But the damages were far greater than I ever imagined possible....

It doesn't have to be that way!

You don't have to travel the path I traveled.

But

If you want to avoid that destruction,

You must truly surrender all (to God). In doing so, you'll become sweetly broken instead of resentful and angry.

Has this changed yet??

Kiss,

Have you asked your wife to detail her days when you were out of the house?

Details about the kids days, and nights?


My kids all suffered greatly for my infidelity, just as yours did..... Have you asked for all the details?

My 13 yr old daughter cried herself to sleep every night.
My 9 yr old son banged his head on the walls to the point of bruising.
My 7 yr old son laid in my closet (that was empty) and cried saying he just wanted to be close to his daddy.

Even my mother-in-law cried for and with my wife daily while I was wayward.

Have you asked for the details of what happened because of your horrid actions of adultery....

How many other peoples threads have you read on the forums??

Can you relate with any of them??

Did you see yourself in any of their stories? Or have you only been focused on you.


The turing point for many of us begins when we have compassion for the pain of others instead of only seeing our own pain. Would you agree?

If you aren't going to return and post;

1) Get your tail in the same home as your wife, no more excuses. This most of all shows a lack of commitment and regard toward your marriage.

2) Read Surviving an Affair.

3) Continue your coaching with Steve Harley.


Whatever your forum experience has been, don't judge MB based on it. In fact, if you've coached with Steve... you know better already.

Continue the coaching, read the book, MOVE HOME.

PS: Home is where your wife and children live.

sorry for not posting in a while. My wife has made it clear that this is important to her so I am going to make the effort to keep posting not only for her but i know that it is beneficial for me. I have been so crazy at work and baseball with both kids it seems that it is non stop.
It seems like we spend two or three days together then we don't see each other for a day or two. That time apart seems forever and seems to set us back. I constantly think of my wife and miss her miserably. It also seems to set her back and just seems to add to this slow painful process of recovery. We need to start scheduling time together and family time with the kids better.
I have moved in with my wife and kids. It has been great to really help with the kids and be able to hold my wife at night. I am really mad at my self for not thinking and getting involved in an affair. What I could have lost is invaluable.
I have listened to the audio for his needs her needs and I realize now that I wasn't as great the best husband and need to focus on meeting all of my wife's EN's.

What POJA efforts are you making?

What you could still lose. Don't get comfy in your efforts. Comfy leads very quickly to lazy. You can do this if you work at it. You can also still lose everything if you don't work at it.

Posting here again is an excellent first step. Welcome back!

Okay, when are you going to start scheduling?


Your anger is counter productive.

we really haven't had any situations that have needed any.

Try POJA while grocery shopping if there are no other low-emotion choices to be made. Dr. Harley said that it can be a good way of practicing, for most couples, anyway. (Occasionally you may have someone who just feels too strongly about their produce to make it work. Hopefully you and RQ would manage not to brawl over rutabagas. )