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Can we help you somehow, or are you just here for debate? I like to help people here, but sometimes the first bit of help they need is to learn to focus on what's important. i.e., state the nature of the emergency, as opposed to philosophical debate or whatever.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Markos, I know you're a respected guy around here, but sometimes it pays to hold yer fire 'til they approach within effective kill-range, or else we only wing 'em with all our great advice.
The OP's line of inquiry clearly concerned infidelity, not some "other topic." If he blows us off, that'll be self-triaging & the thread will die on its own, and what's the harm in that? But if he has a harder time finding his way back for a piece of my mind, who's better for that? (Apparently, the mods say that's your call to make, not mine.)
Mods, please consider whether you were too quick on the trigger here to move this thread.
About once a year, I just have to get in a good rhubarb with the umps & get tossed from a game.  Notified. 
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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If we see this poster is here seeking help for his marriage, we will gladly move this thread back to one of the help forums. Thus far, it doesn't appear he is here seeking help and the thread has become a distraction. Shoot me an email if you feel that changes and I will be glad to move it back...
Thanks, Fireproof
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Can affairs ever occur in the context of a happy marriage? As previous posters have mentioned, yes they can. I am sorry. I am not in crisis. This was not the right forum for me. If you are asking about affairs in marriage, it suggests you have not yet fully recovered your marriage. This suggests you are in crisis. So this does appear the right forum for you. Please share. You will not find better help to recover.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding. When I have the courage to publicly discuss very painful issues, I will.
Last edited by Des_Grieux; 06/06/12 06:36 AM.
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Hey DG, glad you're still reading. Courage is being scared, and facing our fears regardless. You can do it. Know that you will hear stuff you might not want to hear, as we all do. But due to this, you will learn and grow.
Confront your fears.
Until you're ready (and I hope it is soon for the best chance to recover your marriage), enjoy your reading. And learning.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding. When I have the courage to publicly discuss very painful issues, I will. DG, it is very obvious to us that you ARE in crisis about your affair and there is something that you want to talk about. You would not have come here if that had not been true. You are still very unhappy despite saying yesterday that you are "not in crisis" otherwise you would not have come back here today. You are not discussing painful issues "publicly" on Marriage Builders. Nobody here knows who you are, even under your previous user name. You don't know who any of us are. We (existing posters) don't know each other. No identifying details need be given in your post. People are here to help, DG. Most of us have been betrayer or betrayed and have suffered enormously from what the affair did to us. We are here still because this forum helped us and we want to help others in turn. Tel us your story and we will try to help you.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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WH
married ten years
no children
D-day October something after 10 month affair
in marital (and individual therapy)
better every day
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Are you still living with your wife? You said something early on that made me think that the marriage had collapsed.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Who was the affair with? (An old girlfriend, colleague, neighbour...)
Have you ended all forms of contact (including Facebook and similar) with your affair partner? Do you still work together, or live in the same neighbourhood?
Does the other woman's (OW's) spouse know about the affair?
How was the affair revealed to your wife?
How is your wife now?
Have there been any other affairs in your marriage?
What do you do during marital counselling? Does the counsellor have a plan to help you restore your marriage? What is that plan?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding. When I have the courage to publicly discuss very painful issues, I will. I don't think any apology is necessary, Des. It's not us who are missing out here. I believe it is you. I believe we can probably help you, if you will let us. I tell my little children all the time that even though they are scared of something, or uncomfortable about something, they can simply do it anyway. For example, they often don't want to wash their hair in the shower. They complain they are scared. I simply say "Okay, you are scared. Do it anyway. Do something you are scared to do." You're anonymous here, you know? And we have all heard the story of adultery here, many times before. Yours is likely very similar to at least some stories we have heard before. Simply do what needs to be done, regardless of how you feel.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Who was the affair with? (An old girlfriend, colleague, neighbour...)
Have you ended all forms of contact (including Facebook and similar) with your affair partner? Do you still work together, or live in the same neighbourhood?
Does the other woman's (OW's) spouse know about the affair?
How was the affair revealed to your wife?
How is your wife now?
Have there been any other affairs in your marriage?
What do you do during marital counselling? Does the counsellor have a plan to help you restore your marriage? What is that plan? Des, SugarCane is one of the best posters here. She helped me enormously by helping me to focus on giving information that needed to be given in order to receive help, rather than giving the information I thought needed to be given in the dramatic presentation that I thought it needed. If you will let her guide your discussion, and give the most open and straightforward answers you can to her questions, you will get enormously valuable help. Try to let her and others like her frame the discussion, rather than doing it yourself; you will be glad you did.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Hey, can we call you Desi?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I appreciate all your good intentions but that is all the self-disclosure I can handle right now. I am with my wife.
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I appreciate all your good intentions but that is all the self-disclosure I can handle right now. I am with my wife. Uh-huh. We get that you're with your wife. If you want a great marriage, better than you can imagine, let us know.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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