markos, get the facts first dear, before you attack. all the details that were given to the harley's WERE included, i just didn't start recording until well into our segment. if you knew how the show works, you'd know that most of the details are provided IN WRITING before you are even invited to go on the air. then the summary of those details took place during the first part of the show before i recorded. stop attacking without getting all the details. thank you kindly.

I am ended this EA as we speak, but again, I cannot execute the 'break' to the letter based on the advice here. No forum allows strangers to know all the details and dynamics, and again, I will NOT be divulging ANYthing to my family and to church members who have more than enough of their own sin they need to work out. So no thanks to the billboard offer.

But I do totally agree about your insight on boundaries. But it's a stretch to say that my unmet ENs are irrelevant. If that's the case, then why am I so much stronger and not susceptible to EAs when my needs ARE being met???? Hmmm...I think it DOES play into this! But yeah, I really need to strengthen my resolve to establish and maintain better boundaries with the opposite sex. Actually, when I got married, most of my friends were guys, but I was careful to cut off or realign those relationships so as not to jeopardize my marriage. Here again though, loneliness can be a terribly intense emotion.

It's not that I don't have ANYone I could trust, I just was making it clear that I don't have close friends locally, which is why I'm proned to posting online.

Thanks again for all the responses I will keep you posted on the resolution of all this. I'm just glad that my Jesus is nothing like some of you... Whew! Talk about bitterness and judgmental spouting!!!

Mary, please don't be judgmental toward the people that are trying to help you.

As Dr. Harley says, recovery from infidelity is a very narrow path. If you deviate from that path, you are risking your future happiness.


Who do you think Jesus wants you to confess to?

You are saddening me again, Mary. I am not attacking you. I only want to help you.

Mary, please review my posts and tell me if I've linked to the right radio show. The show I linked to, they didn't even talk to you. They just read the letter you wrote.

Encouraging you to face your problems and own up to your faults is not attacking you. I want to help you end up in a happy marriage with a happy life, and I want you to see how your tendency to sweep problems under the rug is a SERIOUS obstacle that is going to prevent this from happening.

I mean, the house is on fire, Mary! And I'm shouting "fire!" and you are responding that you don't want to be attacked. Wouldn't it be best to focus on putting out the fire? And maybe listen if someone says you are spilling gasoline everywhere? I only tell you because gasoline is DANGEROUS, not because I take some delight in catching you spilling gasoline, you know?

i don't mean to sadden you markos. but can we keep this on topic? the radio show is pretty much irrelevant to my post here, but it's like some folks on here delight in scrounging to find ANYTHING - like posts that are eons old - to vilify a poster if they are posting on something that touches a raw nerve for them. i'm not looking for leniency or condoning here, but that's just not cool.

Mary, did you come here to help straighten out a bunch of people on the Internet, or did you come here to get help for your marriage? My advice is, since your marriage is in crisis, it would be best to save your criticisms of what people say here till later, and focus on saving your marriage now. You may find that later you feel differently and that what you saw as "attacks" were actually quite helpful.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."
http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-6.htm

"And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?"
http://bible.cc/matthew/7-3.htm

This is good helpful advice for you, Mary. Prioritize your problems.

That sounds great, Mary. Let's talk about what you need to do to save your marriage, instead of criticizing everybody who is posting to you.

Can you tell me what show you were on? Do you have a date?

Have you read all that I said above, or did you stop reading when you heard something you didn't like?

Mary,

It's your 3rd EA and after years, you still refuse to follow the basic step #1 to recovery- exposure. You've only been married 3.5 years. Instead of following MB or even considering divorce, you run away to chat with other men, wait till it all blows over, and do it all over again.

3 times in 3 years. Please, tell us, why do you think you are the one who knows better how to solve infidelity than the Harleys.

Can I ask you an honest question.

Does your Jesus want you to continue to lie to your husband about what you've done. I'm not religious so I cannot answer that. But I find it bizarre that you come in here with the username of Jesus' most famous female disciple and then plainly state that you are going to hide some truths from your husband, including the true scope of you violating a commandment.

And no I am not judging, again I am not Christian, I just find it strange that you bring up your God and the forgiveness of your religion when it helps you but ignore it points out the hard stuff.

Oh please... Give us a break and stop the drama. You weren't talking about Jesus when you catting around like an alley cat in heat. You are not a in position to judge anyone here. Folks are more than willing to help you if you knock off the drama queen act.

Does this mean you are ready to get to work?

If so, the first step is show your husband this thread and tell him all about your affairs. Are you prepared to do that?

If not, then we know you are not serious.

Mary, can you answer this?

not criticizing...making valid points here. no, i didn't stop reading dear, you can't get rid of me that easily. :-(

i've given the date and names for that broadcast but as i mentioned, the radio show is irrelevant to this post here. you've already proven that listening to only a partial broadcast only leads to confusion, speculation and unfounded assumptions.

what i asked in this post is different from what we addressed on the radio show. plus, it won't do much good unless you have the background info/written details that i provided for the harley's. contrary to your accusation above that i didn't offer them much info - it was a DIZZYING amount of information...much of which they didn't have time to address.

There's nothing special about your situation, Mary. Nothing.

You asked how to end the EA. You were told how to do it. Following our advice will lead to a happily recovered marriage. Refusing to do what must be done will only end in disaster for your marriage.

I do not stand in judgement of you. I stood in your shoes. I followed this program to the letter, and my marriage is in recovery. I am holding my hand out to help you, because I've been there.

Stop shooting the rescue helicopters, ok?

oh, heck no! dh was divorced for almost 8 years when i met him.

When are you going to do this, hon?

I can't find the date in this thread. I searched for Savannah and found only one show.


I disagree. I want us to have as much information as possible to help you, and I especially want us to know how Dr. Harley advised you so we can make sure we are keeping what we say to you in keeping with his expert advice.


Right, so why don't we clear that up by getting the correct broadcast? Let's get more information, not less. Let's get past your tendency to hide information, and start practicing the habit of transparency.


So let's hear the show so we can hear what he said to you.

Thanks, I just wanted to make sure we got that addressed! The dynamics in such a situation are usually much harder to rectify.

Ha, ha, ha! Not shooting anyone here. Markos was clearly in error in much of what he posted...and refuses to acknowledge that. You can't help someone if you're attacking. That's the only point I was making.

And here again, I have to make decisions based on info that I know that forum 'advisors' don't know. It'd take a whole book for me to explain why full disclosure to the church people is BAD, BAD, BAD!!!!